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Post by Lithium92 on Jan 7, 2017 16:06:57 GMT -5
I strongly suspect my wife would prefer me to go the DADT route than either ask for a pass or her offer one. She'd just rather avoid any of the nasty confusing emotional stuff and stick her head in the sand instead.
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Post by darktippedrose on Jan 7, 2017 19:36:09 GMT -5
I've never had the whore card.
I've had the whole - I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you either card
I've had the whole - I want the benefits of marriage without actually having to be married card
If my husband did give me that card, which is sooooooooooo unlikely, I would feel more unloved and unwanted than I already am
it would make me feel gross.
it would be humiliating
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 8, 2017 4:47:47 GMT -5
I've never had the whore card. I've had the whole - I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you either card I've had the whole - I want the benefits of marriage without actually having to be married card If my husband did give me that card, which is sooooooooooo unlikely, I would feel more unloved and unwanted than I already am it would make me feel gross. it would be humiliating This is precisely what I am getting at with my post. It would make me feel crap as well but it is down to each individual. |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 8, 2017 7:29:35 GMT -5
I've never had the whore card. I've had the whole - I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you either card I've had the whole - I want the benefits of marriage without actually having to be married card If my husband did give me that card, which is sooooooooooo unlikely, I would feel more unloved and unwanted than I already am it would make me feel gross. it would be humiliating I think i understand this. Maybe. I do feel bad for your circumestances. It isn't the case with me, and i definitely would not feel worse if my wife gave me the whore card. I have had a very long time to think about this. My wife doesn't want me sexually. Period. It cannot and will not get any better or worse than this, with respect to my being unwanted by her. If she would give up the idea that no one else should have me even though she doesn't want me, i would consider this a great gift of love, as i would take it that she understands and cares about my needs and desires, and loves me (and herself) enough to not to fear any negative outcome for her. It won't happen, but just my perspective. How i would feel if it did ... |
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 8, 2017 9:06:03 GMT -5
I've never had the whore card. I've had the whole - I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you either card I've had the whole - I want the benefits of marriage without actually having to be married card If my husband did give me that card, which is sooooooooooo unlikely, I would feel more unloved and unwanted than I already am it would make me feel gross. it would be humiliating I think i understand this. Maybe. I do feel bad for your circumestances. It isn't the case with me, and i definitely would not feel worse if my wife gave me the whore card. I have had a very long time to think about this. My wife doesn't want me sexually. Period. It cannot and will not get any better or worse than this, with respect to my being unwanted by her. If she would give up the idea that no one else should have me even though she doesn't want me, i would consider this a great gift of love, as i would take it that she understands and cares about my needs and desires, and loves me (and herself) enough to not to fear any negative outcome for her. It won't happen, but just my perspective. How i would feel if it did ... Then it is perfectly reasonable for you to hope for or accept a whore card if you were offered. I did not mean to cause any offence by the post but put simply, I would bet my mortgage on the idea that if you were offered a whore card OR offered regular sex with your spouse you would take the latter. |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 8, 2017 9:10:30 GMT -5
I think i understand this. Maybe. I do feel bad for your circumestances. It isn't the case with me, and i definitely would not feel worse if my wife gave me the whore card. I have had a very long time to think about this. My wife doesn't want me sexually. Period. It cannot and will not get any better or worse than this, with respect to my being unwanted by her. If she would give up the idea that no one else should have me even though she doesn't want me, i would consider this a great gift of love, as i would take it that she understands and cares about my needs and desires, and loves me (and herself) enough to not to fear any negative outcome for her. It won't happen, but just my perspective. How i would feel if it did ... Then it is perfectly reasonable for you to hope for or accept a whore card if you were offered. I did not mean to cause any offence by the post but put simply, I would bet my mortgage on the idea that if you were offered a whore card OR offered regular sex with your spouse you would take the latter. You would win that bet. But neither will happen so we remain in the land of speculation. |
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 8, 2017 9:15:17 GMT -5
Then it is perfectly reasonable for you to hope for or accept a whore card if you were offered. I did not mean to cause any offence by the post but put simply, I would bet my mortgage on the idea that if you were offered a whore card OR offered regular sex with your spouse you would take the latter. You would win that bet. But neither will happen so we remain in the land of speculation. The battle continues my friend |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 8, 2017 14:38:56 GMT -5
never heard it called a whore card. Sounds quite judgemental to me.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 8, 2017 16:17:22 GMT -5
I must be behind the times as I haven't heard the word whore card. But words are powerful and referring to it in those terms which I am sure a refuser may is an insult that basically says your a worthless slut (I refer to both sexs) I think this thread maybe have gone better if you just asked if anyones spouse had given permission to get intimacy somewhere else or are you suggesting we are just a bunch of whore looking to get laid?
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Post by nancyb on Jan 8, 2017 16:40:40 GMT -5
What exactly is a 'whore card'? Sounds like a game of crazy eights or something slightly more sinister.
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Post by petrushka on Jan 8, 2017 16:54:56 GMT -5
I have this to contribute: When I had The Talk with my wife and she offered up that she "just wasn't interested in sex any more", I retorted that I had not signed up to live as a monk for the rest of my life. She said "I don't expect you to, just don't do it right in front of me".
I took that as an act of compassion.
Calling it 'whore card' is denigrating.
If she's not into it, she's not into it. It's her feeling, it's genuine, and who am I to argue with the fact that she's not into sex any more?
I can choose to accept her feelings for what they are and continue to be her friend and partner (if not lover) or I can decide to move on, the
ball's in my court. But I will not disrespect her genuine expression of the way she feels.
Sure, I will grant you this, before you start to argue with me: not in every case is that an act of compassion. I am sure a lot of refuser spouses
will play 'that card' as a way of saying "get out of my hair, already; I don't give a shit". And that would be something that would make me
re-evaluate my relationship with them with a different result ....
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Post by wewbwb on Jan 8, 2017 16:56:05 GMT -5
It is a crass way of saying "hall pass" where one can have sex outside the marriage.
In this case, it seems to apply to both men and women so it isn't being used as a derogatory term for women.
I actually know a couple in which the bisexual wife is allowed to have sex with other women. Only women, no men involved at all.
I am not sure that it a common thing. In this particular case, it was negotiated before the marriage as the woman wasn't going to deny a part of her sexuality just for some guy.
I wish I had that forethought.
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Post by DryCreek on Jan 8, 2017 17:02:24 GMT -5
What exactly is a 'whore card'? Sounds like a game of crazy eights or something slightly more sinister. Consider it a "hall pass" to go get sex elsewhere. Or a "Get Out of Jail Free" card. Problem is, for how many of us is sex the real issue? If you want more -- the whole intimacy package -- you'll end up a split person. All of your emotional ties will be with this new person, but all your legal / social / financial / parental ties will still be anchored to your marriage. That sounds like recipe for a real dilemma. For me, I think it would be a slippery slope that would continue out of control once I started down. I would want to put more into the new relationship than would be possible if married. Unfair for all parties. So, a hall pass / open marriage would not be workable for me. |
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Post by csl on Jan 8, 2017 18:02:47 GMT -5
My religious proclivities are known, so it comes as no surprise that I don't think much of this "hall pass." That said, I would offer up these words from a blogger that I consider the best in the Christian marriage and sexuality field. Recently he wrote,
(Yeah, Good Christian Wives offering a hall pass. Whooda thunk it, huh?) Anyway, just a thought. Cue Admiral Ackbar....
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 8, 2017 18:29:07 GMT -5
I have this to contribute: When I had The Talk with my wife and she offered up that she "just wasn't interested in sex any more", I retorted that I had not signed up to live as a monk for the rest of my life. She said "I don't expect you to, just don't do it right in front of me". I took that as an act of compassion. Calling it 'whore card' is denigrating. If she's not into it, she's not into it. It's her feeling, it's genuine, and who am I to argue with the fact that she's not into sex any more? I can choose to accept her feelings for what they are and continue to be her friend and partner (if not lover) or I can decide to move on, the ball's in my court. But I will not disrespect her genuine expression of the way she feels. Sure, I will grant you this, before you start to argue with me: not in every case is that an act of compassion. I am sure a lot of refuser spouses will play 'that card' as a way of saying "get out of my hair, already; I don't give a shit". And that would be something that would make me re-evaluate my relationship with them with a different result .... Amen. For me, i would consider it an act of compassion. Of course, i don't care what my wife tries to use against me now or at any other time, either. She can do whatever she wants. |
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