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Post by LITW on Apr 20, 2016 11:06:44 GMT -5
I have been giving this a lot of thought. Humans love to invoke the deity of their choice (including the deity of their own ego) as reasons that other should bow down before them and cater to their every whim. History is full of examples of this. Many "Christians" have historically used Ephesians 5:22-24 as an excuse to dominate and control their wives. Of course, men who do this are completely ignoring the preceding verse Ephesians 5:21 "Submit to ONE ANOTHER out of reverence to Christ" and also the succeeding verse Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" In the context of Christian marriage as displayed in Ephesians 5, submission is a two way street, not a means of one dominating the other. If you are interested in a blog that discusses this at length, I recommend this blog ... it is very good: www.surrenderedmarriage.org/ |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 20, 2016 11:19:15 GMT -5
I have been giving this a lot of thought. Humans love to invoke the deity of their choice (including the deity of their own ego) as reasons that other should bow down before them and cater to their every whim. History is full of examples of this. Many "Christians" have historically used Ephesians 5:22-24 as an excuse to dominate and control their wives. Of course, men who do this are completely ignoring the preceding verse Ephesians 5:21 "Submit to ONE ANOTHER out of reverence to Christ" and also the succeeding verse Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" In the context of Christian marriage as displayed in Ephesians 5, submission is a two way street, not a means of one dominating the other. If you are interested in a blog that discusses this at length, I recommend this blog ... it is very good: www.surrenderedmarriage.org/Thank you very much for this. I am right there with you, that control and submission both play a role in our daily lives. Both men and women. I am going to look up that blog! My male friends and I strive for that balance of verses. Wet tear scripture apart by studying the before verses, the after, the circumstances, who said it, who they were speaking too, how to use it in today's times. Most of all ( for me) how to be an encouragement for others when I leave my study, and get back on line, or dealing with people face to face. You encouraged me today, and I am thankful! |
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Post by LITW on Apr 20, 2016 12:36:39 GMT -5
I have been giving this a lot of thought. Humans love to invoke the deity of their choice (including the deity of their own ego) as reasons that other should bow down before them and cater to their every whim. History is full of examples of this. Many "Christians" have historically used Ephesians 5:22-24 as an excuse to dominate and control their wives. Of course, men who do this are completely ignoring the preceding verse Ephesians 5:21 "Submit to ONE ANOTHER out of reverence to Christ" and also the succeeding verse Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" In the context of Christian marriage as displayed in Ephesians 5, submission is a two way street, not a means of one dominating the other. If you are interested in a blog that discusses this at length, I recommend this blog ... it is very good: www.surrenderedmarriage.org/Thank you very much for this. I am right there with you, that control and submission both play a role in our daily lives. Both men and women. I am going to look up that blog! My male friends and I strive for that balance of verses. Wet tear scripture apart by studying the before verses, the after, the circumstances, who said it, who they were speaking too, how to use it in today's times. Most of all ( for me) how to be an encouragement for others when I leave my study, and get back on line, or dealing with people face to face. You encouraged me today, and I am thankful! Anytime, my friend. I am glad you found it encouraging. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 24, 2016 10:12:26 GMT -5
I have been giving this a lot of thought. Humans love to invoke the deity of their choice (including the deity of their own ego) as reasons that other should bow down before them and cater to their every whim. History is full of examples of this. Many "Christians" have historically used Ephesians 5:22-24 as an excuse to dominate and control their wives. Of course, men who do this are completely ignoring the preceding verse Ephesians 5:21 "Submit to ONE ANOTHER out of reverence to Christ" and also the succeeding verse Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" In the context of Christian marriage as displayed in Ephesians 5, submission is a two way street, not a means of one dominating the other. If you are interested in a blog that discusses this at length, I recommend this blog ... it is very good: www.surrenderedmarriage.org/I just finished reading this again. It's a good refresher. I greatly wish it could be helpful advise to save our marriage. Instead, ( like many here) it is helpful advise, that backs my decision to end things. looking back on the past, and focusing on the here and now tells me that my spouse will put children, career, family, and others before marriage and husband. Whatever the " why" that I have learned to let go, is no longer my concern. This goes back to looking at my own faults and being to "submissive" don't get caught up in that word, I like to replace it with " trust". Allowing the no sex, no intimacy,accepting the too tired, accepting the all for the good of the children first! Accepting anything at whatever cost for a family member, as the marriage bond disappears. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 24, 2016 10:19:22 GMT -5
It is sad greatcoastal that that seems to be our options. Lose our partners at the cost of doing "right". |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 24, 2016 12:00:22 GMT -5
It is sad greatcoastal that that seems to be our options. Lose our partners at the cost of doing "right". It is sad. Yet you don't dig wells on mountain tops, you have to go down deep into the valley. Not much of a partnership, when the only option is separation. i'd rather come home to an empty house, than an empty spouse! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 5, 2017 17:55:16 GMT -5
What I am interested in for you - GC - is that you all kind of defined your roles from the get-go. You allowed her to be more dominant. That is a difficult ship to right. I am not saying that you abdicated your power - but when you set up your current situation - how far did you all go in discussing boundaries and the realms of each person's duty? Did anyone have misgivings before embarking on it that weren't totally fleshed out before doing so? Thank you for your concern! (That is 100 percent more than I will get from my detached wife in the next few months!) here are four main things that abdicated power that we "initially"agreed on; stay at home dad, homeschool, adoption, and father in law living with us. Duties and boundaries are established in the beginning. Things change over time, the devil is in the details, they creep up on you. Like you said, a difficult ship to right. Another big factor has been computers. My wife being a electrical engineer, and me being a truck driver and an optician, guess who has the upper hand. Computers involve, budget, finance, paying the bills, purchasing things, planning vacations, homeschool classes, homeschool events, entertainment, addiction to games, social sites, etc.... Yes I am on here daily. Not until the realization of SM. Before that an occasional posting of paintings. Life is quite nice without a computer, but not for the rest of my family! the other day it took me three days to post a painting! Due to our screwed up computer system. Far to many of them, loaded with different codes, tabs, passwords, etc.... I think about the day when I have my own place. One computer, with very little on it. Very few games for teens, things staying much straighter, and more outdoor activities! ( and sex in the rain in my own backyard!) It's enlightening to go back, and look at some of my answers! Hopefully almost a year later, I have learned things." I allowed her to be more dominate". That is so true. I blame that on my training. I was so blind sided by it! Unaware of what was happening, while it was happening! Marriage wasn't supposed to be like that, a relationship with other woman wasn't like that. I had no experience on how to be a drill sergeant over someone, especially someone who I was going to cherish, respect, and make her feel wanted and desired! There was also the "I can help this person" mentality built into my being. I remember my " happy wife happy life" training. If mamma ain't happy, nobody is happy. My entire job, and duty was to keep her happy, cave at all costs! Give , give give, and be content with what little you received, while continuing to feel like I hadn't done enough. Like the four main powers that were "initially agreed on". Meaning (in my mind, and how I communicated it) we will try it, for a while.( a year or two, maybe) The results were, things had to crumble before changes would occur. My thoughts, " you (my wife) made those choices, you insisted they remain, you did not want to give them up, so you are responsible for the failure" So if things were fleshed out before doing so, they didn't last long. Manipulative control ,from her, would come into play. This would fit very nicely into my training of accepting DARVO. There have been major tipping points that ended things. All of them where me setting boundaries, and enforcing them. Taking ground, and standing up to her. Not being controlled by reversing the conversation, with a victim excuse. Instead being keenly aware of it, and keeping things on track, and quoting her. Not something a controller wants! It leads to withdrawal, deceptive, manipulative control tactics, and more resentment. This falls back on , when one partner is content with who they are, and will never change, it's time to move on. I would think to myself, "if this was my house things would be different." How bad is that? That I had to even think that, and worse, keep it inside? I began to say it outloud.Only with a different wording. "When I have my own house things will be different." Hence the divorce. I hope I've learned a lot in this past year! Yes I am ready to go through hell. AND KEEP ON GOING, RIGHT ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE! For a better future for everyone in our family. |
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