Post by obobfla on Jun 25, 2016 8:17:04 GMT -5
After much planning, cajoling, and threatening, my wife and I finally saw a marriage counselor. Thought it would help solve our communication problems. Now I am debating whether it was the right move or I just picked the wrong counselor.
In my marriage, I have been feeling angry and hurt not just by the lack of sex but by the poor communication. It is as she is unaware of my needs and feelings. I walked into that counseling session with 16 years of pent up frustration and hurt.
That frustration and hurt did not matter to the counselor. Yes, I had gone without sex for a long time. Yes, my wife should have taken me to the emergency room when I was screaming in pain or having stroke symptoms. But did I have a right to be angry about it? Not according to her. It wouldn't do any good, she said.
I brought up the time I had brought my wife to a B&B for a romantic anniversary weekend. Here's that story: After going out for dinner, we started foreplay. I was playing Simply Red. Back when we were dating, we made out the first time with Simply Red playing. But here, she announced she didn't like Simply Red. Ok. We then decided to try the in-room jacuzzi. Just as we were starting to do the deed, she said that she was too tired and wanted to go to sleep. I exploded. Moved to a couch in the room and thought about calling a divorce lawyer when I got back home. Since then, I have not tried to have sex with my wife again.
So, I tell the counselor this story. She said, "If you couldn't have sex, did you try having some romance?" No, I did not take my wife to a B&B just to hold hands and cuddle. "But you went there for your anniversary, not to have sex!" No, I went there to have sex with my wife. I did not get married to be celibate.
After the session, I dropped my wife back home and went to work. Even though I have been sober for 21 years, I felt like having a drink. Instead, I went to work, had lunch, and just enjoyed the sanctuary of my cubicle. I am still upset about the session, as my digestive system is in knots.
If any good came out of it, it's that my wife is more receptive and realizes how unhappy I am. Her head is coming out of the sand - a little. I did make a second appointment with the counselor, but right now I am thinking of cancelling and trying another one. If I go back, I will let the counselor know my feelings and that what I feel cannot be ignored.
In my marriage, I have been feeling angry and hurt not just by the lack of sex but by the poor communication. It is as she is unaware of my needs and feelings. I walked into that counseling session with 16 years of pent up frustration and hurt.
That frustration and hurt did not matter to the counselor. Yes, I had gone without sex for a long time. Yes, my wife should have taken me to the emergency room when I was screaming in pain or having stroke symptoms. But did I have a right to be angry about it? Not according to her. It wouldn't do any good, she said.
I brought up the time I had brought my wife to a B&B for a romantic anniversary weekend. Here's that story: After going out for dinner, we started foreplay. I was playing Simply Red. Back when we were dating, we made out the first time with Simply Red playing. But here, she announced she didn't like Simply Red. Ok. We then decided to try the in-room jacuzzi. Just as we were starting to do the deed, she said that she was too tired and wanted to go to sleep. I exploded. Moved to a couch in the room and thought about calling a divorce lawyer when I got back home. Since then, I have not tried to have sex with my wife again.
So, I tell the counselor this story. She said, "If you couldn't have sex, did you try having some romance?" No, I did not take my wife to a B&B just to hold hands and cuddle. "But you went there for your anniversary, not to have sex!" No, I went there to have sex with my wife. I did not get married to be celibate.
After the session, I dropped my wife back home and went to work. Even though I have been sober for 21 years, I felt like having a drink. Instead, I went to work, had lunch, and just enjoyed the sanctuary of my cubicle. I am still upset about the session, as my digestive system is in knots.
If any good came out of it, it's that my wife is more receptive and realizes how unhappy I am. Her head is coming out of the sand - a little. I did make a second appointment with the counselor, but right now I am thinking of cancelling and trying another one. If I go back, I will let the counselor know my feelings and that what I feel cannot be ignored.