|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 7, 2019 17:13:44 GMT -5
Mypaintbrushes said: “I watch The Santa Clarita Diet and Goran Visnjic is on it!” Not sure how I remembered all that as drunk as I was, but the guy seemed interested in taking me back to his place and fucking my brains out. I was all set to to it....” Your standards seem very low and that may be why you’ve had such a lack of success. From what you’ve described, all he seemed to have going for him was he showed interest in fucking you despite your being obviously drunk. Other than wanting a man who wants to tuck you is there anything else you’d want from a man? Wow!!! My pickiness means my standards are way low. That’s hilarious!
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 7, 2019 17:12:56 GMT -5
No offense, mypaintbrushes but I it seems to me that you are working way too hard trying to find somebody, anybody, fast, even before you're actually divorced. The only advice I have is relax a little bit and try to build real relationships with people you have things in common with other than being horny. It takes time to find love. It takes time to even make friends, let alone find the love of your life. Also, be careful with drinking and dating. I haven't been out there in a long time but it seems like there are inherent dangers in that. I wasn’t on a date; it was a girls’ night out. And what’s wrong with looking for a FWB? I didn’t say I was looking for “somebody, anybody”. Are my messages coming through in English? Lol
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 5, 2019 20:17:50 GMT -5
Good luck! The dating world is a tough place... Yup. It seems like guys are standoffish AF these days.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 5, 2019 14:42:21 GMT -5
jim44444, I went on an amazing date last night with a guy who made it clear he was interested in me. Maybe more details to come... 😊
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 3, 2019 13:28:45 GMT -5
Quick update on me: I’ve received, just a gross estimate, 2,500+ messages, likes, smileys, etc on dating apps.
Out of all those people, I think I’ve been out with about 30.
Five of those people were worth seeing again.
All five either went incommunicado or we are just occasional pen pals. I’ve gotten two people to make out with me while on a date; no one wants more than that.
So I’m wiping the slate clean more or less and starting over.
Saturday night my girlfriend and I went out drinking and met a guy in a bar who was from Romania. He asked if I knew where that was; I said “Oh yeah! I watch The Santa Clarita Diet and Goran Visnjic is on it!” Not sure how I remembered all that as drunk as I was, but the guy seemed interested in taking me back to his place and fucking my brains out. I was all set to to it, when...
My friend had a chat with him while I was in line for the restroom. Our European friend is married, she’s traveling right now, and they’re trying for a baby.
She yanked me out of there. We went back to her place and, when “Benny” texted me wanting to know what was going on, she replied as me:
“Hey Benny, It’s H. So, when you tell a woman you’re married, that you and she live together and are trying to have children with your wife, but she’s traveling out of the country at the moments so... And that you and you and your friends sleep around on your wives frequently...
Well, I’m gonna tell my friend, you know, the one you were trying to screw around with.
I don’t give a rats ass about your cheating ass, but I do care about her and her feelings. So kindly fuck off...
And stop fucking around on your wife, you’ve got no idea how lucky you are to have someone who cares and is there for you, stop cheating on her. If you’re not happy grow some balls and be decent about it. But be single before you date.”
He responded (among other things) that nice people are usually weak and he was just trying to get some. 😞
Last night I went out with an Italian guy who is a friend of a friend. He talked my ear off, seemed pretty straightforward, told me he never wants to marry again but he’d love to keep seeing me. I got a kiss on the cheek from him and some excited texts afterward.
I’m wondering if American guys just aren’t being honest with me. I said to my friend, “Why are guys such pussies??” I attract standoffish or don’t have their lives together.
In the interim while I’m looking for someone who wants what I want, I have a couple of BDSM play partners I go see every 2-3 weeks. They are a committed couple. We text nearly every day. I go to their place and we drink wine, talk and then play. It’s the closest thing I’ve had to intimacy in many years.
Also went through mediation with my STBX last week. That’s a whole other post...
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on May 30, 2019 0:46:24 GMT -5
This kills me. Frustrates me. I expect better from my fellow men.
Were I somehow magically thrust into a romantic setting, I would be at high risk of botching the moment. However, I'd also hope to recognize my flakiness (or awkwardness or shyness...), at least after the fact, and make efforts to improve. At the same time, even gaining an opportunity to botch would be an achievement.
Is it shyness though? My STBX told me today that he thinks I intimidate men. Like WTF?! I do my level best to make people feel comfortable and accepted. I should be the world’s LEAST intimidating person... Are you sure with these super flaky guys it’s not asshole bravado? It feels that way to me...
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on May 29, 2019 0:35:16 GMT -5
If I liked him, it’d be exciting! If (like the guy I went to dinner with Tuesday night) he spent the whole date talking about Pablo Escobar, then only sent me dirty texts late that night, I’d think it was a little sudden... and weird. Also, remember that in this day & age, a lot of men are worried about being labeled as "sexual predators" if they make their intentions clear. At least he is making it clear that he is sexual. Did anything come of this? Nope! Super hot guy turned out to be super flaky guy.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 30, 2019 13:58:16 GMT -5
If I liked him, it’d be exciting! If (like the guy I went to dinner with Tuesday night) he spent the whole date talking about Pablo Escobar, then only sent me dirty texts late that night, I’d think it was a little sudden... and weird. Also, remember that in this day & age, a lot of men are worried about being labeled as "sexual predators" if they make their intentions clear. At least he is making it clear that he is sexual. Did anything come of this? He texted me again after several days to say he’d been at his dad’s house and had left his phone in his car (huh?). He invited me to come hang out at his place. I asked, just for clarity, what did you have in mind, and mentioned that our exchange last week seemed a little sudden. He said “Ok”. I’ve decided he’s a little socially awkward and not very good at texting.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 26, 2019 14:15:45 GMT -5
Mypaintbrushes
I had a second date today with a super hot guy who is 43 and has two grown kids. He’s very flirty through text; we’ll see if he cashes those checks..Mypaintbrushes, if this guy or anyone you sort of liked asked how far did you want to go, would that be a turn off or a turn on? I am asking mostly because I tend to NOT push my agenda unless there are clear signs someone wants more. Sometimes being a gentleman doesn't float a woman's boat. If I liked him, it’d be exciting! If (like the guy I went to dinner with Tuesday night) he spent the whole date talking about Pablo Escobar, then only sent me dirty texts late that night, I’d think it was a little sudden... and weird.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 25, 2019 18:26:14 GMT -5
WOW, I am with Flashjohn...doesn't make any sense...guys in their 40's turning down sex...maybe there is something in the water where you live. My refuser was 39 when he began turning me down. So.... I had a second date today with a super hot guy who is 43 and has two grown kids. He’s very flirty through text; we’ll see if he cashes those checks...
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 21, 2019 13:42:18 GMT -5
Chill, be the best you that you can be, for you. Be authentic to yourself, be happy being out of a dysfunctional sm. Love yourself. Be patient. There are men in their 40s 50s and older who are tactile and loving. You're just out, there is time. Did anyone see my update above? 😀
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 20, 2019 12:32:42 GMT -5
Mypaintbrushes - it's both not you and it is you. You defo don't need 30 dates to figure out if there's chemistry. You don't need to give people so many chances. If you're using online stuff, messaging for a little while to see if we have common interests and a common understanding. None of that, then no in-person date. I definitely kiss on the first date. No spark, no second date. Wait a bit for sex, because it clouds my brain. See how he treats me and other people. Sex soon-ish to see if the kiss translates into passion. I don't expect shamazing sex on the first date. It takes me a while to warm up to people in bed and really let go. The one bit of self-help advice that has really helped me was nice guys - the kind of guys you want to build a life with won't cross your boundaries. Don't put up the wrong kind of boundaries that only not-nice guys will cross to get to you. Understand what you will allow and not allow. I went into dating with that in mind and it really worked for me. To be clear, it’s only been about 8 dates with this guy. Lots of other guys - probably approaching 20. None of them expressed interest, which is too bad. I did finally have sex last night. GOOD sex, for the first time in probably 2 years (first time in more than 2 years I came without having to get myself off). OMG. I get turned on just thinking about last night. I don’t think I can go without good sex ever again, though this encounter definitely is never going to result in a committed relationship.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 15, 2019 20:29:36 GMT -5
So glad you’re ok!! After having watched literally thousands of people in my community - including my brother and sister in law - go through something similar, I feel for you.
Glad to hear you’re stronger than ever. Hot mattress or no.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 15, 2019 17:43:21 GMT -5
I’m sure it’s not you. Just be patient. 3 months isn’t nearly long enough to find “the one.” I’ve been out for about 6 months. Have only been on 1.5 dates (one real one and a coffee date) and I’m not even close to finding the man of my dreams. And I’m not the least bit worried about it. Frankly, I’m still so happy my ex is gone that I sometimes have to pinch myself at my newfound peace. Maybe try to enjoy being free of the torture that is SM and relish the time you have to figure out who you are again, without all the weight on your shoulders. Maybe stop looking for “the one” and instead do the things that make you happy - discover new ones if you can’t remember what you loved before. I truly believe that true love and the man of your dreams comes when you least expect it. You shouldn’t have to force it. Try new things, maybe even alone (!) and just enjoy your freedom. There’s plenty of time for a relationship. And remember too that relationships are not the be all, end all of happiness. Happiness is within you at all times, you just need to access it. Your future partner with thank you for bringing 100% of your own happiness and fulfillment to the table. Good luck! I would just be happy with a FWB. But can’t find one.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 14, 2019 20:35:19 GMT -5
Thank you, misssunnybunny. It just feels like, maybe guys in their 40s aren’t into sex and closeness (I know for fact ones in their 20s/30s are). Anyway, I got an unexpected message from one of my Tinder matches. Invite to sit in his hot tub tonight...
|
|