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Post by mypaintbrushes on Feb 27, 2020 20:58:37 GMT -5
Another quick update:
I’m going on a second date tonight with a guy I am excited about! I sooooooo don’t want to get my hopes up, but he talks to me... he actually TALKS to me!! And texts me in between dates. OMG I have been missing that from the single guys I’ve dated. Including the one who texted me almost every day for two months before he ghosted me back in December (he was a hugger - never even attempted to kiss me). I visited my family during New Years week and never heard from him again. I’ve learned that if I ever want to stop seeing a guy, all I have to do is go out of town for a few days - they always forget who I am! 😂
My ex moved out December 1st. I’ve been on the hook for mortgage payments on my own since. I’ve also replaced the upstairs bathroom floor, the carpeting on the stairs and three interior doors (including one my ex broke down). I have plans for more home improvements. I feel so grown up.
My son wants to take drivers ed! He has been enjoying splitting his time between the two houses. He’ll be 17 in May. His dad is taking him somewhere overseas this summer.
I’ve decided to give finding love and career and personal happiness one more year where I am now. If I still feel unfulfilled after my son graduates, I will look for a remote work opportunity where I can travel full time, or possibly consider relocating. I’ve had so many friends move away, and my mom is my one close by relative who stays in touch; I figure without a partner I’m not tethered to this place.
My ex husband has been ramping up his crazy making behavior the last 2 months, to the point I’ve been considering sending a cease and desist letter. He’s broken up with his girlfriend at least twice this past year, and is considering severing ties with her again. I can’t keep up!
Last weekend he sent me a very contrite text message apologizing for his behavior, which is consistent with how he behaved the last 10 years (I think) of our marriage. I know this won’t last, but he’s actually been nice to me this week. I’m enjoying it while I can.
Lastly I decided to take a class in burlesque dance and befriended the instructor. There is a public performance on my 46th birthday I can take part in. I am loving expressing my more sensual side without judgement from my ex.
That’s all for now...
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jan 29, 2020 17:43:24 GMT -5
The thread title is hypothetical, a callback to the article. I’ll put quotes around it. I read the article, and reflected on my own past of constantly being around married women, hence the question of -where do you meet them- my circumstances, (how I was treated) had a lot to do with my surroundings. Things turned out very different for me when I met other women (divorced women) in different surroundings. This also changed my entire approach and expectations. Most of them (way more than I ever thought) were on apps. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve arranged a date, and the person who showed up said “By the way, I’m married. She knows I’m dating”.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jan 28, 2020 19:50:12 GMT -5
Where are you when meeting these men? (location- bar, church, grocery store, gym, etc...) Are you meeting them on your own or is someone else introducing you? The thread title is hypothetical, a callback to the article. I’ll put quotes around it.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jan 28, 2020 17:48:01 GMT -5
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jan 7, 2020 16:48:11 GMT -5
bazaHe takes the kids with him on trips with her when he has them. She bought them all presents for Christmas. They are both buying the kids. I’m waiting patiently in the wing. My ex did that over Thanksgiving break. Took our son and the new GF (whom he’d been with off and on for just a few months at that point) to his hometown. His family didn’t invite them to Thanksgiving dinner; they went to a chain restaurant for lunch instead. GF “didn’t bond” with our son in the trip. Son told me “J didn’t talk to me, and dad is annoyed at her”. Ex and his GF broke up after they got back over this (he dumped her the day after her birthday). They got back together a few days later. I can’t keep straight what’s going on and luckily I don’t have to.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 29, 2019 17:36:19 GMT -5
Oh, and right around the time we separated I learned he’d been on dating sites almost all our marriage.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 29, 2019 17:33:06 GMT -5
My ex is dating the ex-wife of a friend of ours (longish story) and says their sex life is “good but lacks that little extra something”. That’s what happens when you divorce a kinky spouse and get a vanilla girlfriend, I guess. 🤷♀️
It took 15+ years for him to be on board with *some* kink but since shortly before we separated, he seemed to be embracing it ever so slightly. Unfortunately by then I’d given up.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 19, 2019 20:27:34 GMT -5
By the way, setting aside the ghosting and some crazies (which have made for *amazing* podcast episodes), I realized a few weeks ago I’ve had better luck out there than some. I’ve been on a few as one, and as many as 5, dates per week. Have met a lot of people; some have become friends.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 19, 2019 20:24:43 GMT -5
Congratulations. Maybe when your ex is finally all the way out you will have better luck in the dating realm. I assume many guys/gals are reluctant to get involved with someone who is still living with their ex. It sounds like 2020 will be a great year for you. They don’t stick around long enough to find out what the situation is. Ghosting is here to stay and no one in my generation is exclusive, which is why I’m pretty happy with being poly for the moment. That said, I’ve been out three times with one gentleman (had to postpone date 4 because I’m not feeling well) and another wants to go out for a fourth time this weekend.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 19, 2019 2:10:01 GMT -5
Hi all! Long time, no talk.
My divorce was final 10/21. Mg ex *finally* began moving out yesterday. He found an apartment around the corner from our marital home. I’m refinancing into my name and will receive my approval letter tomorrow.
He has a girlfriend and is taking our son on a “family vacation” to include her, to meet his family. Funny, none of my ex-in-laws have a relationship with my ex. When he asked if they wanted him to visit, they didn’t respond. They also didn’t check on him when we evacuated due to this year’s wildfires.
I digress.
I’ve been dating constantly all year. One guy stuck for almost 4 months and then ghosted me the week after my birthday. Many others have lasted one or two dates. I did go out a couple of times with a girl who, while too busy to continue things with me at the moment, offered to check on my mom‘s cat while we were all evacuated. (Ironically, she works for the power company that is responsible for the fires.)
My ex-husband took me out for a drink on what would’ve been our 19th wedding anniversary (I know, I know). During the night, he bragged that his sex life with his new flame was “Good, but it lacks that little extra something.” Jackass. That night really erased doubts in my mind about leaving him.
Our son is 16 and a junior in high school. He has not yet begun dating, but there is a girl in his class who likes to blow up his phone. He is going to be able to walk to his dad’s new place, saying that it is half a mile away. Which is good since he refuses to take driver’s ed just yet. When I ask him how he feels about his parents having split up, he says, “ I just want you guys to be happy”. He’s such a good kid. He is currently getting all good grades in school and perhaps wants to go to a prestigious music school once he’s graduated from high school and gone to the local junior college.
This past summer, I got to take a 3 1/2 week vacation to Europe and Northern Africa; just me and my son, who turned out to be a really good traveler. That was literally a trip! I could write a very long post just about our vacation.
This year, several things decided to begin falling apart around the house… The washing machine quit working. I literally ordered the parts to fix it and did most of the repairs myself. I had to replace the fluorescent lights in the kitchen and had my mom over to help. One of the cats developed severe anemia and nearly died – I rushed him to the emergency vet for treatment and all I can say about that is thank God for pet insurance! I did this all more or less on my own.
What else? This year I decided to try out doing stand-up comedy again and about once a month or sometimes more frequently I will perform at an open mic night. In fact I took a date to a comedy show last night that was being emceed by my closest male friend, and he watched me do a set. Haven’t gone through a very bizarre divorce this year, you can imagine what kind of material I have. 😊
I plan to spend the rest of 2019 doing some home improvements, making the place totally mine. I will spend New Year’s Eve watching my best male friend perform comedy at a very highly visible showcase along with my kinky friends. My son and I are going to spend the remainder of that week visiting my extended family in Arizona for the first time in almost 5 years.
2019 has been a hell of a ride!!
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 9, 2019 0:20:23 GMT -5
Hi, mypaintbrushes. Yes, not that MGTOW is directly relevant to you, but more an observation that socially and legally things have gotten weird to the point that a group like that even exists; the same dynamics are probably causing other guys to be more cautious / standoffish. Going back to your ex isn’t implausible. If you haven’t followed her story, bballgirl has been doing that successfully for a while now after a couple years apart. The separation and financial split changed their dynamic, and they live together with the kids but just as roommates. Yep, she is exactly what I was thinking of when I wrote my response. My soon to be ex is no longer abusive like he was – he has a girlfriend and spent the night at her house last night so he is getting all the supply he needs right now I believe – and he is receptive to staying in our lives. Our son has expressed an interest in eventually going to school at Berklee College of Music - he’s a gifted music producer. We are actually all three flying to Boston in a week and a half so he can take a weekend workshop there to get a taste of college. If he decides that’s what he wants to do and gets in, I’m going to need to figure out how he’s going to pay his tuition. Stuff like that comes to mind…
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 8, 2019 19:05:01 GMT -5
I have no good or bad advice to impart. I can only say your post divorce storyline is terrifying me and filling me with dread. I am not going to be able to do this online dating world. It’s really exciting and entertaining but a LOT of work for a feee dinner. I worked out yesterday that I’m basically making $12/hr going on all these dates. Then again, I’m saving on my food bills a bit...
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 8, 2019 19:03:22 GMT -5
It seems like guys are standoffish AF these days. There are a lot of reasons fueling this, I think, and likely few of them have to do with you. Tech isn’t helping; aside from offering speed-dating on steroids, it’s made personal relationships a lot more superficial and disposable, provided an on-demand source of porn, no end to the different forms of entertainment to compete with dating, and taken dating out of the get-to-know-you stage. Then, the social and legal climate has gotten pretty crazy for guys. The potential to “wrong” someone seems at an all-time high, with flash mob lynchings via social media without a trial. Aside from general social trending, there’s a whole men’s movement toward celibacy because this perceived risk is too great. (And yes, there are more than a few bitter chauvinists and losers in that crowd, but also many who feel the deck is stacked.) I doubt it’s a large movement, but it’s part of the scene and reflects sentiments that may appear in other ways, like a backlash of standoff-ish behavior. You’re talking about MGTOW, it sounds like. I guess there is a similar one for women - WGTOW. I keep seeing Quora posts on it. It’s like these guys have been hurt/wronged, so they toss out the 50% of the population they’re attracted to, and villainize us. Crazy! If you knew me or most of my female friends we are definitely not out to hurt. I don’t know what this MGTOW stuff is all about. The Italian guy forgot to show up to our second date today. I reported to the friend who set us up; his only response was “Hmm”. Anyway, he’s out. I’m supposed to go on date #3 with the awesome guy from the other night tomorrow. If he flakes he’s out. I also have a matchmaker date on Tuesday, my 4th of 6 matches. She’s honestly not doing any better than I am at picking people, but the restaurants are at least good. And the week after next I go overseas with my son for 3 weeks, which will give me time to think. JUST THINKING OUT LOUD (which ja what we extroverts do): There may be a chance of me going back to my husband but platonically and seeing my play partners every couple of weeks. It’s not ideal, but it’s infinitely better than endlessly hearing “I dunno what happened; I guess you just intimidate men!” My son has two more years of high school and his dad retires in about 4 years. Continuing to have two incomes (well, four, since he’s starting a side business) wouldn’t be horrible. My son has been asking for us all to do stuff as a family all summer long, sometimes incorporating my mom. He’s looking at living at home and going to junior college for 2-3 years before he transfers to a 4 year university. I’m sure we could work something out.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 7, 2019 17:51:51 GMT -5
Mypaintbrushes said: “Wow!!! My pickiness means my standards are way low. That’s hilarious!” Your story indicated you were going to go fuck a man who just met you at a bar when you were drunk. There’s no indication you’d even asked him if he was married since your woman friend got that info from him while you were in the loo. She had to drag you away from him. In this situation, didn’t seem picky your standard seemed to be that he was eager to fuck you. Was there any other standard that he met? Hell yeah. But due to time and length, I didn’t include them. So there was an assumption made. I haven’t fucked anyone in almost a year (my play partners and I play, not fuck) and have said “no thanks” to quite a few people. I’d say that indicates the opposite of low standards.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 7, 2019 17:20:14 GMT -5
I'm having a little trouble with the numbers mypaintbrushes. It's hard for me to believe you have had 2500 responses and only found 30 to be worth some effort from you if I am reading this right. I'm with Jim4444 in thinking you live in the middle of largest concentration of asexual and homosexual men in North America. If you could see your way clear I would like to know how you market yourself on a dating (or hookup) site. And what do you put down as traits you are looking for in a male. There has to be more to the story as to why out of 2500 males at least 250 haven't tried to plow your furrow. From talking with guy friends and girl friends, there’s a big difference in online dating experience. Some of the apps I’m trying - like Zoosk - allows men to respond via emoji. That counts as as message. Multiply that by the number of apps (I don’t remember offhand, but it’s several) and it’s totally possible, as a female, to receive a staggering number of messages from men. Zero out the ones outside my age range, too far away, etc, and the ones who drop off after a few messages, and take into consideration a busy schedule and you go out with far fewer men than that. Many more “ghost” after the first or second date. Or I don’t wish to see them again. Final result: 5 (now 6) ones worth seeing again.
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