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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 14, 2019 18:01:59 GMT -5
If there’s a category for “I left my SM and still wasn’t able to find a sexual partner”, add me to it.
I’ve been seeing a great guy for two months now. I invited him to a friend’s party and, during it, my friends were egging him on: “Kiss her! Kids her!!” He gave me a peck on the lips.
We walked out to each other’s cars and he took me in his arms and... another peck on the lips. I tried to extend it; he pulled away quickly. I think he is probably not ever going to make a move.
In all these dates and all these messages (I’ve lost count of how many messages but the number of dates is approaching 30), only one guy has actually kissed me. Unfortunately, he turned out to be a bit flaky and I ended things with him after 2 dates. I’ve been stood up, ghosted and had sooooo many guys who only wanted to talk about work and what ballers they are, or about how they’ve quit their jobs and are taking time off to “find themselves” (seems like a trend for guys in their 40s).
No one even talks about sex or physical affection. Three months into my separation, I don’t feel particularly sexy right now.
After two sexless marriages and striking out so much, it occurs to me that I’ve been looking for sexual fulfillment within a committed relationship for 28 years... and it honestly might not ever happen. I can find someone who is kind and loving but not attracted to me (my date last night), or I can find sex without the full relationship (I’m getting some messages from guys in their 20s - early 30s), but not both.
I may need to rethink this. I might need multiple people to fulfill the needs that one boyfriend would normally fulfill.
1. A good, supportive, respectful friend
2. A friend with benefits
3. Someone to help me explore my kinky side
I have a couple of hookup apps installed and am getting the typical messages like “Hey”. Just am having trouble shifting my mindset to be receptive to that kind of thing.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 11, 2019 16:13:16 GMT -5
How many of our refusers would you all day are far along on the narcissist spectrum? 60%? 70%? 80%?
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 11, 2019 10:10:37 GMT -5
I've been out for almost 2 years. He's been blocked from my phone for 6 months. I blocked his email today. He wants to get back together he tells me it's all his fault and is so sorry than basically says all the ways it's my fault. As is his misery. I just can't anymore. They never cease to amaze me . Stay strong! That has been my experience talking to my soon to be ex lately. We had a huge fight the other night because he is refusing to move out of the house until the divorce is final. I said that could take years and years. His response was that that is fine, he’s OK with that, he’s talked to several people and gotten all kinds of legal advice that tells him he loses his interest in the house if he moves out. He went on to tell me how horrible and mean and cold and caring of been toward him throughout this whole thing and that he has always been “extremely empathetic quotetoward me throughout our entire marriage and that he loves me so much and wants us so badly to get back together, but I am just not showing him any affection whatsoever. Yesterday, I dug up a couple of articles written by actual family law tourneys that state the obvious of what he is telling me he has learned and emailed them to him, along with all of the financial disclosure paperwork that we should have filled out by now. His response was “So we conciliation is out of the question? I was having all kinds of great memories of us together “
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 9, 2019 21:37:57 GMT -5
Thank you! I go on dates 3-5 times per week (sounds like a lot). The variety of people out there is surprising, though there’s also a few themes I see: unemployed guys in their 40s “finding themselves”, for example. One of the guys I dated turned out to be the dad of one of my son’s best friends. He was between jobs, belonged to men’s group that drinks beer around a bonfire, etc. He left saying he was going on a camping trip and would be in touch once he got back... and I never heard from him again. Other guys just lie about their age. I’ve encountered still others who I’m sure are married and not willing to admit it. OK I'm curious. Are the unemployed guys divorced? Had they ever been married? Where the hell do they live? And what kind of woman do they anticipate attracting? I mean, a thundercock only gets you so far, right? This guy was divorced with four kids. I had only met his ex-wife, which is why, when he told me his son’s name, I was like “OMG, your son is over at my house all the time!” Super shocked. I had another guy tell me he didn’t have a regular job because he believed that “you have to evolve”. I said I guess I’m old fashioned. I work a regular 9-5 (really a 9-6 or so), make good money, have my shit more or less together. I want someone who is my equal in that regard. I don’t want to be a sugar mama ever again.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 9, 2019 20:17:24 GMT -5
Omg! Frugal is one thing, but that back pack dessert guy is something else. It is amazing what an emotional toll rejection takes. I am so sorry to hear how low you were feeling, because that "unfuckable" feeling is so far from the truth, but, wow, what a wonderful change you are experiencing. Congratulations, mypaintbrushes. Welcome to Opposite Land. Thank you! I go on dates 3-5 times per week (sounds like a lot). The variety of people out there is surprising, though there’s also a few themes I see: unemployed guys in their 40s “finding themselves”, for example. One of the guys I dated turned out to be the dad of one of my son’s best friends. He was between jobs, belonged to men’s group that drinks beer around a bonfire, etc. He left saying he was going on a camping trip and would be in touch once he got back... and I never heard from him again. Other guys just lie about their age. I’ve encountered still others who I’m sure are married and not willing to admit it.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 6, 2019 21:17:31 GMT -5
When I was contemplating divorce, I thought it would be a good, long time before anyone showed interest in me, so I signed up for some apps, just to get out of the house.
I’m sure the experience is different for men than for women. In a couple of months I’ve received probably 1,000 messages and been on 20+ dates. Most are one-offs and some of the experiences have been so crazy I’ve had no choice but to write the stories down (one guy bragged about work for an hour, including a story about riding a roller coaster with Britney Spears right after her first boob job; another asked me out for dessert at a dive bar and proceeded to prepare something at the table from ingredients he pulled out of a backpack). But there have been a a couple of standouts.
One such person has been nothing but respectful and enjoyable to spend time with. We’ve only hugged so far, yet we had a conversation over dinner last week about sec being the ultimate form of communication. He’s also divorced from an emotionally abusive person; seems like if nothing else he has good friend potential.
I also have friends in the kink community who invited me over for some rope bondage and tied me into several chest harnesses (we took lots of photos).
Sex with anyone hasn’t happened yet, but I feel like it may over the summer. For someone who a few years ago figured she was unfuckable, receiving messages from men ranging in age from 21 to 73 (but dating guys around my own age, of course) is a little eye-opening.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 2, 2019 15:15:29 GMT -5
Agreed about getting counseling. A good one can help you sort that wheat from the chaff. And you’re moving in two weeks - that’s huge!
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 2, 2019 15:14:23 GMT -5
What you’re describing is pretty much exactly what happened to me. My STBX moved out of the master bedroom, then handed me a letter asking for divorce. Now he’s sending me 2:30 emails asking for reconciliation, or sending texts telling me “I know you’re not there yet...” Dude, I will probably not EVER “be there”.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Mar 31, 2019 1:01:48 GMT -5
Given your H's history of financial gamesmanship you should have all financial transactions with him documented and approved by your lawyer. Imagine taking out a 401K loan to buyout his half of the house and then he drags his feet wanting more. Do you trust him to not try to screw you over one more time? Problem solved (sorta). Talked to my lawyer on Thursday and we have financials to do and to meet with a mediator, of which she recommended four. Judge decides...
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Mar 22, 2019 18:53:33 GMT -5
I'd be very much guided by what your lawyer advised Sister mypaintbrushes . California is a no-fault state. Also doesn’t matter who lives where; we both have a stake in the house until buy-out.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Mar 22, 2019 18:32:34 GMT -5
For clarity, the divorce should be final in July... we seem to agree on the finances and the custody. Only hold up is me refinancing our house into my name (he wants his half of the equity before he moves out). I’m thinking of taking a 401k loan to speed the process along...
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Mar 22, 2019 17:59:20 GMT -5
My STBX are both dating (he says I’m having better luck than him; I’ve been on about 20 dates). However, should I hold off on going out more until I am able to get him to move out, which he plans to do just after the school year is out?
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Feb 19, 2019 21:50:50 GMT -5
mypaintbrushes…..If I'm reading correctly you are still domiciled in the same house, just not in the same bedroom. I remember you being pretty attractive so it isn't surprising that you are being ask out pretty regular. From your description of the last couple weeks it reads almost like you are speed dating. That doesn't generally allow for time to really get to know the other person or the kind of foundation most women and probably most men want before beginning an intimate relationship. Not looking for one right now so it’s all good. STBX will be moved out soon as well.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Feb 19, 2019 19:42:36 GMT -5
As of tomorrow, it will have been one month since my STBX moved out of the bedroom for the last time. We last “did something” two days before Christmas. Sorta.
The past two weeks, I’ve been on dates with four guys (five? I got stood up for lunch by a former coworker who’s single). Haven’t had sex or even so much as a peck on the cheek but I’ve gotten looooooooots of hugs!
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Feb 10, 2019 1:04:02 GMT -5
I have never really developed a relationship with any of my in-laws. ANY! I think I’m pretty easy to get along with, so what the hell? I guess I won’t be losing any of them since there was never a relationship to begin with. They don’t even really know my son. He’s almost 16 and I remind him, periodically, that he has another grandma in Oregon.
My first husband and I split after only two years and no kids. I am still close to his family. His mom refers to me as her “first daughter” (ex is remarried). His cousins and I talk all the time. His dad was one in a million.
If all that weren’t enough, my ex’s parents actually BABYSAT for H and me once when our son was a baby. Definitely a supportive family!
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