|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 14, 2017 15:09:03 GMT -5
mypaintbrushes, you seem to be less accepting of his behavior. This is a very good sign. Yes, getting less patient. I'm not getting any younger!
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 14, 2017 13:03:56 GMT -5
I don't get into the labeling. I just know a sexless romantic relationship doesn't work for someone who wants sex in their romantic relationship. It just doesn't work. Agreed. I like sex. If you don't like sex, I will forever be wondering why that's missing.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 14, 2017 12:49:11 GMT -5
Just be yourself. Those who like and get you will stick around. Those who don't will ignore you. We all feel ignored, insignificant sometimes. Don't let that dull your shine and don't morph to please others. BE YOU! Best thing in life to learn. Thank you so much.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 14, 2017 12:48:51 GMT -5
mypaintbrushes - there are a couple of things I'd say to you: Indeed, life is not like a computer game, there is no reset button to start all over again. So - in my not so humble opinion the one and only solution to that is to make the most of it, and move it in the direction I want it to go, live in the present and grab the most I can (which is not necessarily what my wishful thinking would have me get, but -- I have an influcence over what I want a what I can get and how to maximize satisfaction and contentedness). I wish it were different, being a gamer and having used the reset button many times on the computer, but Real Life (tm) is not like that. Or most of my last 20 years might have been very different. Also: I have this thing in my head: Facebook is facile, and Twitter is for Twits. Just -- don't think your 'friends' there, or 'followers' are real friends. Mostly they are onlookers, or gawkers. If you get one in a thousand to care and connect to you and actually take it to a level of real friendship, you're lucky. Hanging your self esteem on the other 999 is hazardous to your happiness and mental equilibrium. The best you can do is to take it to one-on-one dialogue and see if they actually follow through. If they never contact you in turn, you can count them out. I will give you an example: I have been on Experience Project and this site since 2009. I've actually met a couple of people from here. I have exchanged personal messages with ... let's see, maybe 6 or 7 over any length of time. When I said, maybe a year ago, that I was going to leave this site because I didn't feel that anyone really wanted to connect to me I got a few "no don't leave" messages .... but only ONE person has ever bothered to follow it up, and actually regularly communicates with me with both / each of us initiating (and that was later, and unrelated to my announcement). Maybe I'm just too difficult and 'out there', I don't know. I don't let it get to me, I CAN'T let it get to me, it could be devastating to hang my self esteem off of that! Instead I join local groups where I can meet people face to face and that is so much more reaffirming, even if we only talk about local politics or boardgames. Because I can feel their appreciation. Virtual contact is good if you have nothing better, but face to face is simply SO much more powerful. Lack of *real* support from social networks can tear your heartstrings, but, ultimately, I think that that is the nature of the game. It's just too vain, frivolous and superficial compared to real, physical, caring friends. Unless you can take it to involved and committed one-to-one dialogue with a person who really cares to communicate, the numbers of 'likes' you get are just fluff. my 2 cent's worth .... Thank you for not judging me. I lack human contact in real life so I have to get it somewhere, I guess.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 14, 2017 12:46:02 GMT -5
You know - next time he texts you something like that - go home - stand in front of him playing his video game and say, "So, you want to f*ck or not - lets go." If he dies anything other than get on you - Consider your options - seriously. Every time he does this, you erode more and more. One day you'll be unrecognizable. That wouldn't be good at all. Maybe tonight I will do that.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 14, 2017 0:16:10 GMT -5
I think maybe you're getting sick of yourself and being a little too hard on yourself in the process. A lot of times, the anxieties we have about others, are our own shortcomings or internal thoughts. Like others have said - I wouldn't necessarily put too much stock in (what seems like a loser first husband) thinks, much less your current husband. I get it though - I often have this thought as I like to talk, debate and discuss (ad naseum) and I KNOW I wear my husband out. I am not everyone's cup of tea, for sure, typically though - those people aren't mine either. On the friend front - I have a couple of very close "sisters" - we may not even live close at all, but I know I can call them and we pick up where we left off. One of these does live close, has a negative outlook on life - so it's taxing to be a good friend to her, but I do it because she is in the first year post-divorce and also a "sister" - so my love for her is basically, unconditional. Then, I have a host of acquaintances. TBH - it's hard keeping up with everyone socially with kids, family obligations, etc. Could this just be the stage of life they/you are currently in? I wouldn't take any of it personally, is my point. You've maintained close relationships with a few friends - now have fun trying on different acquaintances. If it doesn't work out - think of it as the time last season when you decided to wear high-wasted pants. Fun while it lasted, but not something YOU would do again. On to the next trend! It might work out and you MIGHT find a classic to add to your close friendships! YES. Getting sick of myself. Don't you ever wish life was like a video game and you could just pop out the game and play another one?
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 14, 2017 0:14:51 GMT -5
I have found that I am frequently the person people turn to when they have problems they need help with. And the role suits me well, I am a pretty good listener and people seem to find me easy to talk to. I am at my best in someone else's crisis. I can't manage my own sutuations but I seem to know what others should do with theirs. Maybe you are the same? People turn to you when they need you then disappear when everything is good again? Just a thought. A little bit. People seem to confide in me (sometimes). Other times, it's the other way around. Either way, I know some stuff about some people. But they do tend to move on.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 14, 2017 0:12:39 GMT -5
I caught "needy" & "people pleasing" from your own descriptions & I completely discount any of the remarks from the 2 males. You may well "try too hard" -- I tended toward this myself. Since being out of my SM, my self esteem & confidence that who I am is enough have both increased. I have a newfound faith that the right people will be attracted for friends. The right ones will last. Right now, only friendships have resulted from all my trying on (i.e. no romance has blossomed), but if those don't last, that's really ok. I keep meeting more new people all the time. My parents moved to an old folks' home in their 80's. They have a whole new wave of new friends there. We are never too old for new friends. But we are always too old to worry about "everyone" liking us. Don't worry over it. I don't think it's YOU. I agree with the posts saying much of this could be the secondary tarbrush effect. Thank you. I know you didn't ask, but I was abused by my dad, so "people pleaser" makes sense. He died unexpectedly 2 years ago and we never had a final conversation, so "needy" fits too.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 14, 2017 0:09:54 GMT -5
Maybe you need to "do something" on your own? Like file for divorce. Actually today would have been my 19th wedding anniversary. It's the second one I've spent without the Ex. Third one since I announced my decision to move out & divorce. This one was contemplative. I did a LOT of stuff today, all either on my own or with friends I've made since leaving the SM. This was a good day, in fact. It also included some tears, btw. And it was still a good day. Don't indulge him, I say. But maybe you've not reached the counter-refusing stage yet. In any case, let me assure you that "I'm horny" does NOT constitute foreplay, flirting, or even politeness. This man is a selfish prick. Not that this is news. Oh, I'm sorry there were tears... 😢 OK, so, for all the "I'm horny" talk, he's watching GoT. Go figure. He did make dinner.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 13, 2017 22:46:38 GMT -5
How about an alternative to "We should do something"? Every 3 months my X used to announce the she was "in the mood" and then walk back to the bedroom, disrobe and wait for me in bed. There was no foreplay or sexual banter or the sort of preliminary warm up one might sort of expect. Just the announcement out of the blue that it was time for quarterly sex. Gah. Sounds familiar. I'm sorry!! 😐
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 13, 2017 20:07:59 GMT -5
My honeymoon was mostly sexless. Maybe twice or three times in three weeks?
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 13, 2017 19:09:51 GMT -5
"He replied, "Well, yeah, because I'm horny… Why else would I want to?" My wife and had sex literally for years on this basis. When she fancied a fuck we fucked and forget it at any other time. Sometimes we a are too concerned in picking through what scraps have been left on the table to recognise that we have a right to a decent fucking meal. I'd love a more sensual, playful, thoughtful experience than, "Well, I wanna. You ready?"
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 13, 2017 19:08:41 GMT -5
Well, he has managed - with this "sexy text" tactic - to get your mind off the core problems of a dysfunctional marriage and ticking financial time bomb. That's what I am afraid of. Wednesday did not go well and he may be feeling there he's losing control because I went somewhere with my niece. Odd as that sounds.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 13, 2017 19:07:08 GMT -5
Mutual masterbation. I was being too lazy to type it all out.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 13, 2017 18:22:35 GMT -5
I don't know, maybe… It just seemed really abrupt. I still haven't shared my story about how counseling went on Wednesday night; that was definitely something else.
|
|