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Post by flyingsolo on Aug 12, 2017 7:42:57 GMT -5
I wear a suit and tie every day or at least jeans and a sportcoat. Doesn't seem to have any effect on my wife any more. However, my executive assistant (in her 20s) has had a few of her female friends visit the office now and she always gives me feedback that they think I am a nice looking guy and well dressed. I guess it's kinda nice to still feel desired since I no longer feel that my wife feels that way. She even told me one of them would "climb me like a tree if I was single" which was rather funny. Bottom line, I like to look sharp. It adds confidence and looks professional to my clients. Plus if I dress down all my employees may do so also and then I have a dress code problem on my hands.
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Post by flyingsolo on Aug 11, 2017 15:40:00 GMT -5
I had a girlfriend one time for a few years that I cared a lot about. She was my first. Turns out she had body issues and wasn't happy with the way she looked and emotional issues with her parents having just gone through a divorce before I came into the picture. I tried like hell to help her overcome those and reassure her that I thought she was beautiful to no avail. It impacted our relationship more than I knew at the time. In the end we broke up because she just wasn't in a place where a relationship with someone else was healthy for her. I told her you need to be happy with yourself before you can ever be happy with someone else and I still believe that to this day. Ironically, she went on to get married and stayed married for about 20 years and had two kids, but I just discovered recently that she is now divorced. Perhaps her issues were never resolved.
If you are unhappy with your look tooyoungtobeold, you are the one in control of that. It takes work, but I still believe you need to be happy and confident with yourself before all others. Even if your marriage doesn't work out, the next lady in your life will appreciate your confidence and outlook. Good luck brother!
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Post by flyingsolo on Aug 11, 2017 15:26:41 GMT -5
Why the need to "break up" with him if you are interested in seeing him again? You live 1,200 miles apart do you not? Why can't you tell him "Look, you are an incredibly sexy, fascinating intellectual guy, and some of the greatest, most mind-blowing passionate sex I've ever had, but I need to go back to my real life and tie up some loose ends that are going to require a lot of time and emotion. It is something I need to handle on my own and I can't be attached to someone else during that emotional rollercoaster and I certainly don't want to put you through it with me. When I come out the other end of this process, it will be with an open heart and eyes on the future. I would love to come out and see you again in six months (or insert whatever time frame you need to kick so and so to the curb and restart your life) with no expectations or demands and we'll see where it goes. In the meantime, have fun, live life and know that you are truly awesome guy that I loved getting to connect with again". Frankly, if a beautiful women said that to me after weeks of great surfing, hiking and sex, I'd take it as the highest form of compliment. How could he be pissed hearing something like this?
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Post by flyingsolo on Aug 2, 2017 11:18:23 GMT -5
With regard to tooyoungtobeold's point, we did, at one point in time, have a very good sex life. It has been in a gradual decline since we had kids and I started a business and then dropped precipitously off a cliff in the last three years or so (like one to three times a year, max). Currently we are going on about six months without anything. Sure, part of it is work. Part of it is kids. Part of it is menopause. However, my fear is that part of may be very well intentional on her part, and that's the part I am trying to get to the bottom of. We are seeing a counselor and actually had a meeting recently where we spoke openly about how we felt and were "forced" to actually listen to each other for a change without the kids pulling us in different directions. I think it was a bit eye opening for her and I learned a little as well. We have a long way to go, but we will see how it progresses.
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Post by flyingsolo on Aug 2, 2017 11:11:53 GMT -5
This is a total copout. IF she loved you and wanted to preserve the marriage, she would be fucking you. flashjohn is right. I had to look inside myself as well. Why was I continuing and putting up with the rejection and unhappiness? I realized I had daddy issues. I had mommy issues. and of course we all have issues. That's kind of how I feel. I struggle with how she can rationalize fucking some guy or guys she really doesn't even know in the past but not someone she has three children and 22 years of history with. Unfortunately it's not as easy as just picking up and leaving and calling her on the cop-out. We have three young kids and they would be devastated. I own a business with several employees that I also feel a responsibility for. I have accumulated a substantial amount of net worth while we have been together due to working my ass off and making good business decisions while she was home raising the kids (based on a mutual decision). Giving half of all of that away, including, most importantly, seeing my kids every day, doesn't seem like a great option.
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Post by flyingsolo on Aug 1, 2017 16:41:05 GMT -5
My wife of 22 years claims that we aren't having sex because she doesn't feel like we are emotionally connected. To me, that seems like a cop out answer. Apparently before we were together, she had no problem having sex with guys she just met. So, there's a small little chasm in between that I am trying to reconcile her logic on. To me, sex keeps a marriage alive and creates emotional intimacy. Extremely frustrating. Seems to me if we would just have sex more often, some of the emotional connection would return pretty quickly. I know it would on my end.
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Post by flyingsolo on Feb 12, 2017 16:14:56 GMT -5
Hi All: I can't believe after 22 years of being with my wife, I find myself on a sexless marriage website, yet here I am. I've been perusing the website as a guest for awhile now, wondering what the next step is and where I go from here. I suppose a little introduction and background is in order: I'm 45, have been with my wife for the past 22 years (married for 18 of those years), and have three kids with her between the ages of 7 and 13. I am a business professional and own my own company, which I started in the past two years and have been very successful at. She is a stay at home mom and home schools all three of our children. As such, we both work very hard and are a busy family with kids in activities, etc. While this all sounds great, the problem lies in our sex life. Point blank - it's non-existent. We haven't had sex or any sort of physical intimacy since our anniversary in early June - no fooling around, no pleasuring each other, notta. Before that, we fooled around twice between January and June, 2016. So, we are going on over 8 months of a sexless marriage with very limited physical intimacy for the six months even before that. Before that, we were physically intimate maybe once a month or so, but clearly we are in a steep downward spiral and are at an all time low. Personally, I would love to be in the once a week program, but I'd take once every two weeks at this point. Before we go too far I should say that I love my wife. I think she is beautiful, smart funny and quite honestly, I still find her incredibly sexy. We've had a rough marriage on and off with some deaths in her family that have had lasting emotional issues for her, but we are still together (and I thought happy) and have three beautiful children. However, (and this is a big however) she has absolutely no sex drive. None. In the 22 years we have been together, I can (vaguely) recall two times where she initiated sex. Once was very early on in our relationship and one was a handful of years ago. Whenever I try to speak with her about it, she thinks that she is a perfectly normal woman who is busy with kids, etc. and just worn out by the end of the day and in no mood for sex. I can't even get her to wear a thong or some nice underwear or lingerie for me, so I've stopped buying things like that for her. She prefers to sleep in an old nightgown. I keep getting the "Men have much higher sex drives" answer. We are becoming emotionally disconnected. My argument that at least making a regular attempt to be intimate is always meet with some excuse. In my mind, I would feel much more emotionally connected to her if we were being intimate. She is exactly the opposite. She stated that we need to be emotionally connected before she can have sex with me. This is the same girl who back in her wilder days had sex with some guy under a chairlift at a ski resort. Now, apparently she needs an emotional connection to have sex with her husband after being together 22 years and three kids later. Double standard? As my kids are getting older, they stay up later. This has further eaten into our alone time. My son is often up until 11 PM and by then my wife is "exhausted". I should also add that she often feels ill in the morning due to allergies, hot flashes, etc. so morning sex before the kids are up is also a "no go". Furthermore, when my kids have nightmares (as they do now in then as they are getting use to our new house), they end up in our bed. I've gotten to the point where I just go sleep in their bed when this happens. We have lost all semblance of our "personal space" where we could be intimate. I've raised this issue with my wife in that we need to establish some boundaries with our kids to create some space for us time, but have gotten nowhere. Bottom line, in looking at the hours in the day, there is literally no time when my kids are asleep that my wife is in the mood for sex. I've tried taking them to grandma's, scheduling date nights, etc. and nothing yields any intimacy. The other night we went out to a wonderful dinner (laughed, shared stories, etc.), but then my wife came home and went to bed. Denied, once again. This alarming trend is bad enough, but very recently I got blindsided. I was planning a romantic weekend away to try to "rekindle the flame" and was planning on taking my wife away to a spa for two days. When I mentioned it to her she indicated that "we needed to talk before going away together overnight". Alarm bells started going off. She indicated that she felt that we were emotionally disconnected as I have been busy with my new company and she has been busy taking care of the family. I concurred that I have been working long hours, but that is in order to allow her to be able to stay home with our kids. I pay all the bills, handle all the financial obligations, etc. She hasn't had to earn an income for the last 13 years. She takes care of the kids, which I understand and appreciate is a full time job in itself. I even went as far as hiring her a housekeeper, which I got to help her be able to focus on schooling the kids so that she didn't have to worry about laundry, dishes, etc. When she initiated this "we need to talk discussion", she described that she wasn't feeling connected to me emotionally. When I asked her if she was still in love with me there was a very awkward pause and then an "I'm not sure". "I'm not sure". Apparently that's what taking care of someone for 22 years gets you. WTF! After 22 years together (during several of those years before we had kids she was at home trying to "figure out what she wanted to be when she grew up" while I worked to support both of us), I felt completely devalued and taken for granted. Quite honestly I was heartbroken and pissed off, all at the same time. I have been telling her for years that I have felt like a third wheel (first to her family when her parent died and she was an emotional wreck for about five years, and then once we started having kids). Everyone else's priorities have seemed to come before mine. Hell, even the dog gets taken to the groomer, walked regularly, and a good petting or two when it asks for it. She seems to make time for everyone else and everything but intimacy and my needs. She has time to watch TV in the evenings (so much political crap it drives me crazy) and schedule nights out with her girlfriends every few weeks (during which time I come home from work early to watch the kids so she can go out), but she can't take 15 minutes (or three hours to make love with her husband and show me that I am worth making an effort. Am I way out of line on this ladies? Is asking for intimacy once every few weeks too much? I don't know whether to be extremely pissed off or disappointed that we have ended up here after 22 years and three kids. So, I'm not sure where I go from here. As I said, I love my wife but there's no physical intimacy. I can't live in a sexless marriage, but I am not going to get a divorce as I love my kids too much. I have no desire to cheat because there is WAY too much at risk financially and with my kids, but if this continues, I am worried that may change. "Taking matters into my own hands" gets old after awhile. I've tried to talk about this with her many times, but she just seems to think it is a phase in our lives that we are in. She's also implied that I am the one that needs to work on changing, which has been exceptionally frustrating. I try to be home for my family and my kids as much as I can, but that's still not enough for her. I am really trying to make an effort, but I have been told "no" way too many times in this past year. She is either "too tired, has a headache, has an upset stomach, hot flashes, or the kids aren't asleep". If I had a $1 for every "maybe tomorrow", I've been pretty well off. I find myself finding other things to do as I end up wanting to spend less time with someone that clearly doesn't value my contribution to the family. I keep telling myself I need to be there for my kids, but my wife is not making this easy by implying that the whole problem is with me when I honesty don't believe it is. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! This is SO damn frustrating. She says "All you ever want is sex". Uh ya, it's been 8 months which is why it keeps coming up. We have a problem that needs to be addressed. Having sex would be a good start trying to fix it. Am I wrong in wanting to be intimate with my wife?
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