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Post by whuffo on Jan 12, 2017 9:55:23 GMT -5
I despise vacays with the W. When we fly, she thinks I'm a sherpa and I end up carrying everything, sweating my ass off. Then she gets to the hotel and pretty much wants to sit in the room the whole time, which I'd rather grab a granola bar and explore. Breakfast at the hotel? She's going to wake up and tell me what she'd like me to bring her to eat, the might get in the shower around 10, if I'm lucky. Vacaysex? Not a chance. I think the last time we did that was 2005 prior to being married. And she wonders why I don't really plan anything. It's less burden on me to go to work all day then to go on a trip with her
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Post by whuffo on Jan 8, 2017 23:04:45 GMT -5
Mine is certainly the controller type. She makes sure to give me very detailed instructions on how to do menial tasks on a regular basis, and if I don't do it the way she instructs then I "don't care or respect what she knows". I guess she must think I've been living in a cave waiting on her arrival my whole life so I could learn from the master on how to load a dishwasher. Funny, I seemed to get by pretty good on my own for quite a few years (didn't get married until mid-30's, owned my own home at 20, etc), but what would I do without my STBX there to give me non-stop unsolicited advice...
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Post by whuffo on Jan 7, 2017 2:25:51 GMT -5
Playful? Nope. Responsive to playfulness? Nope. Criticizes me for not being playful enough? Yep. Dead on the money with this one...
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Post by whuffo on Dec 24, 2016 19:01:28 GMT -5
Have as merry a Christmas as possible everyone.
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Post by whuffo on Dec 23, 2016 18:52:18 GMT -5
Thanks for the welcoming committee, bball and geekgoddess. Although it's not very comforting to think it's only been 8 years and I'm here, I can only imagine what it's like for those in the higher number range. What helped in making that final determination to execute the exit plan, for those that have done it? For me it was nearly 14 years until I started 'outsourcing', which helped a great deal to execute my exit plan 4 months ago. My marriage has been a disaster in many ways, but I stayed so long because of several reasons. I thought I couldn't leave. Looking back, it was a long process of letting go until I could leave. I had to let go of the thought I HAD to stay. let go of hope the relation could ever be good enough to stay. let go of feeling responsible for HIS choices, mistakes, inabilities etc. etc. let go of fear of what all could happen if I left, because my life with him had become so unbearable that it was not likely to going to be much worse if I left. let go of the thought that I couldn't do it. I had to start thinking that I could do this, that I WOULD do this, until I did. let go of wanting to be the nice one. I have to be the 'bad guy' now, I don't like it but there is no nice way to choose for myself. let go of my daughter. I don't want that, but I have to have faith that eventually she will understand. I hope she will come to stay with me but not likely that will happen soon. Apart from letting go I had to start thinking new thoughts too: That I had a right to leave this unhappy situation that it was impossible to keep everyone happy and that it was okay to think of myself first. This does not make me a bad person. Eventually I took the leap. Thanks Tamara. I've read your posts and you've gone through some serious challenges, like many of us. Keep your chin up and eventually you daughter will wise up. You're one of the brave ones...
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Post by whuffo on Dec 23, 2016 18:48:29 GMT -5
Thanks for the welcoming committee, bball and geekgoddess. Although it's not very comforting to think it's only been 8 years and I'm here, I can only imagine what it's like for those in the higher number range. What helped in making that final determination to execute the exit plan, for those that have done it? For me it was nearly 14 years until I started 'outsourcing', which helped a great deal to execute my exit plan 4 months ago. My marriage has been a disaster in many ways, but I stayed so long because of several reasons. I thought I couldn't leave. Looking back, it was a long process of letting go until I could leave. I had to let go of the thought I HAD to stay. let go of hope the relation could ever be good enough to stay. let go of feeling responsible for HIS choices, mistakes, inabilities etc. etc. let go of fear of what all could happen if I left, because my life with him had become so unbearable that it was not likely to going to be much worse if I left. let go of the thought that I couldn't do it. I had to start thinking that I could do this, that I WOULD do this, until I did. let go of wanting to be the nice one. I have to be the 'bad guy' now, I don't like it but there is no nice way to choose for myself. let go of my daughter. I don't want that, but I have to have faith that eventually she will understand. I hope she will come to stay with me but not likely that will happen soon. Apart from letting go I had to start thinking new thoughts too: That I had a right to leave this unhappy situation that it was impossible to keep everyone happy and that it was okay to think of myself first. This does not make me a bad person. Eventually I took the leap.
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Post by whuffo on Dec 19, 2016 1:40:55 GMT -5
Great insight brother. Heading out is certainly what I been considering. Not ever getting to discuss this issue with folks who don't quite understand the dynamics and challenges this type of dysfunction presents has made it difficult to understand what's "right". Glad to find out place that demonstrates that what I've felt isn't wrong. I greatly appreciate everyone's comments. Pretty validating, and from reading through this forum, a common thing folks see.
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Post by whuffo on Dec 18, 2016 23:39:00 GMT -5
Sounds strangely familiar... I've apparently fallen victim to this one!
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Post by whuffo on Dec 18, 2016 23:37:49 GMT -5
Don't produce more kids...it happened several times here...as soon as refused starts to plan get out...his/her refuser suddenly magicaly cured from asexuality and all other issues preventing him/her of having sex...everybody happy...till the moment a new pregnancy announced...and the trap shut up for next time...usually a decade at least... whuffo , a lot of women (especially refusers) get pregnant on purpose so they can trap a man (or force him to stay.)
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Post by whuffo on Dec 18, 2016 23:37:16 GMT -5
Thanks for the sentiment. It's certainly a different life and one that I love. Glad to hear your Dad was so important to you. I try to have a very special relationship with my kids but it makes it difficult when I'm rushing around everywhere, with a non-stop "to-do" list. Anyway, it's great to have found a place to vent and find folks who understand (men AND women) the plight of the unsexed! This is a topic that's difficult to bring up, so thank you all!
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Post by whuffo on Dec 18, 2016 23:27:43 GMT -5
whuffo - agree on stopping her princess life. Holy crap. That woman has it GREAT. I am an Army brat. My mom was a SAHM - she did everything where we girls were concerned. TBH - I love my daddy, but I barely remember him from our childhood while he was in the military. He had important work! I cannot imagine any military wife taking her role as such, so callously. She is simply unpatriotic. You deserve to not have to do ANY of what you do, weekly (at least) blow jobs and bi-weekly sex. She has a provider and a protector as a husband. She should cherish every moment that you're home and make it happy for YOU. She needs friends in the same boat, and she needs to hang out with them OFTEN - maybe it will rub off on her. Maybe. Omg. She makes me so mad!!! My dad would never have had to call for one of our appointments!!!! Argh. I am more pissed off about your situation than most. Military life is a special beast. Time to take her comfy life away. Fuck her.
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Post by whuffo on Dec 18, 2016 12:27:35 GMT -5
To answer th question on why I likely wouldn't get custody, I am in a job where I've done a lot of deployments and have been recently diagnosed with having sustained a pretty major TBI some years ago from a blast. While I came through that pretty well and don't have many I effects (headaches and a few dizzy spell mostly) it's enough in most cases. And I'm sorry ladies but I've heard that "happy wife, happy life" line my whole marriage and it's been one of those things that can be used to manipulate.im all about trying to get get missus happy, but when it's used for years with no return on investment, it's BS. I'm sure like to lot of folks on here, there's bee no return outside th bedroom either
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Post by whuffo on Dec 17, 2016 21:10:44 GMT -5
Some great answers, and pretty much what I expected to hear. And yes, I needed a good laugh. And right back at you BBallgirl with a joke your response reminded me of....
Why was the bride smiling while she walked down the aisle on her wedding day???
Because she knew she had given her last BJ!
**drops the mic, walks away**
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Post by whuffo on Dec 17, 2016 16:20:07 GMT -5
Fuck my life....
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Post by whuffo on Dec 16, 2016 20:58:02 GMT -5
Thanks for the welcoming committee, bball and geekgoddess. Although it's not very comforting to think it's only been 8 years and I'm here, I can only imagine what it's like for those in the higher number range. What helped in making that final determination to execute the exit plan, for those that have done it?
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