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Post by becca on Oct 3, 2016 14:08:24 GMT -5
Thanks, TMD . I just ordered it on Amazon. Don't leave it lying on the nightstand! Right?! I am going old school and putting a book cover on it as soon as it arrives. Or maybe just ripping the cover off. Naw...can't do that to a precious book.
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Post by becca on Oct 3, 2016 11:08:30 GMT -5
Yes! We could perform a choreographed aerial silks routine on the island, eternaloptimism! I personally love royal blue. Does that color work for you?
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Post by becca on Oct 3, 2016 11:04:52 GMT -5
Wake up call.
"I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems I've got to open my eyes to everything"
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Post by becca on Oct 3, 2016 10:41:28 GMT -5
Where I work we have "silks" and they are so much fun. Hard to do actually...but fun. I love to see someone on them that makes it effortless looking. So you'll take the class with us? Count me in! :-)
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Post by becca on Oct 3, 2016 8:42:32 GMT -5
I want to dangle from floaty silk ceiling straps like Pink Where I work we have "silks" and they are so much fun. Hard to do actually...but fun. I love to see someone on them that makes it effortless looking.
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Post by becca on Oct 3, 2016 8:39:13 GMT -5
Thanks, TMD. I just ordered it on Amazon.
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Post by becca on Oct 2, 2016 19:04:30 GMT -5
I worry too that he won't follow through with his words. He is going to say anything if he can get you out there but then what? I agree with @smartkat, move for you. Also, welcome! I hope you beat the odds, sister!
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Post by becca on Oct 2, 2016 1:01:58 GMT -5
Wow, the feedback has been awesome and so much insight. Thank you all. I know we all have our own unique story but you still get it. You know the pain and loneliness of a SM. There isn't another group of people in my life that would understand all this. So thank you for listening and for all of the truly thoughtful responses. bballgirl, "I think outsourcing is crossing a huge line that you can't take back and it took me almost a year of thinking about it to get myself to do it. So I understand as much as you may have wanted to do it (behaviorally) you may not have been ready for it (emotionally)." I 100% agree and definitely think that was in play even though I didn't have it on my list. charmedheart, "Would sex mean something with your husband after nine years? Even if my husband wanted to, I couldn't phantom even the remote possibility. There is nothing there." This is something I have been pondering since I arrived at this board. All I wanted were touches, caresses, and sex but the truth is, if my H made a miraculous turn around, I would probably be the one rejecting him now. Too much neglect. @dan "Once I cross this bridge, I can never uncross it. I know that it is opening a door which in all likelihood I will use again. And possibly: repeatedly. And it may even ultimately lead to the dissolution of my marriage... and I'm not ready to sign up for that... so I'm not ready to cross this bridge." Oh yes. That is a legitimate concern. And that is a door that will be hard to close once opened. wewbwb- "That idea I can still be found desirable from someone who knows my faults and flaws, fears and doubts, and still wants me? Amazing. Liberating." I absolutely agree but I think that depth of connection takes time and it is much more than sex at that point. @andie -"A partner who understands your needs and desires and actually gives a shit about you is, well, I swoon just thinking about it." Yes, that. I just want that again before I die. I swoon too for that possible outcome in the future. Thanks, Andie
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Post by becca on Oct 2, 2016 0:25:23 GMT -5
Contrary opinion warning! becca , clues as to why you couldn't do it all over your post. Potentially "great" sex. Wax and mani/pedi. "I decided this was absolutely going to happen." "taking back my life" "mind blowing sex by night." "create delicious memories" There was absolutely no way that the night could have lived up to the build up. Probably something inside of you knew that. And the last thing that any of us in this situation want is to be disappointed. Again. With all due respect to all the advice above, forget connection. As someone who has been there, and has been with others n the same predicament, you really just need to be open to the situation. No pressure. No expectation. Just an openness. Then you will find that all the parts work. And that you can be desirable. That you can be pleasured. And that the world will keep spinning after. Only after that will you have a baseline to create mindblowing life-altering experiences. Or have soulmate connections. Or just keep f*cking. Good luck! Very interesting contrary points, dancing bear. Were those really all my words? It definitely sounds like I was creating quite the build up and it probably would not have lived up to my planning thoughts. "open, no pressure, no expectations" I think you are on to something.
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Post by becca on Oct 2, 2016 0:19:18 GMT -5
I have passed once. I didn't believe this particular friend - he claimed SM (but I had already shared my experience). We kissed a bit, & a little more than that, but ultimately I said I had to go. This was last Nov & it felt dishonest to LoverMan (even though that is ridiculous- I still felt that). I thought that sex-only would scratch the itch & W/Loverman it almost did. But that went on too long & I fell for him too (which was painful & protracted to get over). This above is a dilemma to me - but you are still IN & I think that's a huge difference (I was out, or close enough- the news had been given, the papers started). Be true to yourself no matter what-- and it sounds like you were. Thank you, grantgeek. Yes, as great as casual sex sounds, I would want to have some connection and the minute that is present there is a risk I am going to fall for him. And I am still IN with maybe a toe out the door. Thank you, girl.
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Post by becca on Sept 28, 2016 23:56:27 GMT -5
All I think about is sex, or lack of it, these days thanks to this forum. Seriously, it's a little like opening Pandora's box. I can't close it now. I was traveling on business the early part of this week. I have a male friend who was traveling as well. We have known one another for years but only met once and kissed. Just kissed. But he had been flirty and suggested we get together since we were going to be in the same town for the first time ever (since the kiss). We have never even been in the same state and often times not in the same country.
I decided this was absolutely going to happen. I was breaking my 9 year no sex streak and taking back my life, at least this part of it. I shopped for cute bra and panties, got a Brazilian and had my nails freshly done. Everything was perfect. I was going to work by day and have mind blowing sex by night. And I was going to create delicious memories.
We met in my hotel lobby. He looked and smelled ridiculously good. We sat and talked and shared about our lives. In the end, I just couldn't do it. I didn't have it in me. He gave me a kiss and pressed his room key in my hand and told me to come up any time while I was there and walked away. Anytime. The most sensual face to face experience I have had in...years.
So I ponder why I passed on not just one night, but two nights. 1) Possibly just fear. He didn't know I hadn't had sex in 9 years. That seemed daunting. 2) Could it be after all this "gotta have sex" that I really still wanted it to be with someone special and not just sex? He was sexy but not special to me in that way. 3) Fear of guilt afterwards is another option. Cheating is a little frowned upon down in these parts.
Regrets? Eh...It would have been confirmation that I am still a woman that a man finds attractive and sexy. And it would have just been done. I would have officially been back in the saddle.
Has anyone else had an opportunity and passed on it. If so, why?
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Post by becca on Sept 28, 2016 22:46:57 GMT -5
I have had the conversation twice. Both times were met with blank stares and very few words. I have said "I am leaving" and shame on me for not following through. I have a place to go and I have that all set up. I can financially support myself, although it won't be near the level I had but I just don't care about that anymore. A few months back I opened a separate account. I honestly don't want anything. He can keep it all. I just want him to repay my children what he took from them. That is all I will ask for when I leave. Let me play devils advocate for a moment. Are the "blank stares and very few words" his response because you will not admit to being wrong, or take any blame? I don't think so. I am quick to take my fair share of responsibility. Probably too quickly. I just don't want to cause pain. And so amidst "the talk" I let him know I love him but I just can't do this anymore. His responses are usually "uh-huh" and then "ok" and then if we are in the kitchen he will get to the point where he says "ok, I am done" and just walk away. But he has never admitted having any problem. It has always been difficult for him to say sorry. He very much likes to be in control of any given situation and this isn't in his control. But then I haven't left, have I so maybe it is. I just don't know...GC. I really don't.
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Post by becca on Sept 28, 2016 22:21:31 GMT -5
I have had the conversation twice. Both times were met with blank stares and very few words. I have said "I am leaving" and shame on me for not following through. I have a place to go and I have that all set up. I can financially support myself, although it won't be near the level I had but I just don't care about that anymore. A few months back I opened a separate account. I honestly don't want anything. He can keep it all. I just want him to repay my children what he took from them. That is all I will ask for when I leave.
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Post by becca on Sept 28, 2016 21:32:22 GMT -5
This is one of the songs in my singing wheelhouse. Love this.
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Post by becca on Sept 28, 2016 18:51:47 GMT -5
Happy Birthday, Roche. I hope you were able to do exactly what you wanted to do today. Or at least mostly what you wanted to do today. Hell, it's a good day if we hit the 50% mark of doing what WE want to do throughout the day. And unless there is something you aren't sharing with us, the odds are highly in your favor to take a few more spin on this crazy planet of ours.
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