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Post by solodriver on Apr 30, 2017 21:53:09 GMT -5
Drinking my refreshing Zip-Fiz the morning after my long hike to see "waterfalls". I didn't believe there was enough flowing water in all of SoCal to actually have a waterfall. I was delighted to see it. Climbing down into the canyon I tweaked my knee. temp image hostYou can always use the ice from the drink on your leg or visa versa
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Post by solodriver on Apr 29, 2017 2:22:05 GMT -5
Lol! Love it! Glad it's not just me. Going to yoga class and some hot guy is doing downward dog in front of you...please....send....help. Lol Especially if their pants get stuck just between their legs and *cough* boys... Look away ( don't look away) Did exactly one hot yoga class, omg I could hardly contain myself. So many attractive men, no shirts, sweaty.... It was such a good bad class. Sounds like I need to find a good yoga class with lots of women and wear tight clothing lol!!
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Post by solodriver on Apr 26, 2017 19:08:39 GMT -5
Until I joined this group, I had no one to share my thoughts with, because my wife did not want to even discuss our sex and relationship.
Having a completely private life with the dear friends I've made and enjoy on here has made all the difference in the world. I can deal with the situation until I figure out what I want to do next. It gives me the strength to go though each day without being sad and depressed thinking about it. I enjoy my private life here and in the other forum that has recently been started. I'm free to talk about those things that I use to enjoy talking to my wife about but has since shut down talking about. I feel alive and feel like there is something to look forward to in my future and am excited about those possibilities.
Like Rhapsodee said, a sexless marriage and being refused by your spouse changes everything. We, who are in sexless marriages, are truly survivors and this forum and group is the place to do that without feeling bad because we're "hiding" it from our spouse. If our refusers loved us the way we need to be loved, none of the privacy and secrecy would even be necessary.
Our refusers caused us to have to create private places for us to go to!!
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Post by solodriver on Apr 26, 2017 18:50:30 GMT -5
WindSister , being sexless changes everything. There can be no transparency. It makes the refuser a bully and the refused pathetic. To be sexually refused by the person that swore to love you makes you crazy. A part of you dies. You go through the stages of grief. You lose your dignity. You need that privacy to find ways to survive, reasons to live. Its a refuge. It's a fortress of protection from the source of pain. For a refuser to callously invade that privacy, demand that the rejected one live a sterile life just because the refuser has decided it will be so, is a further violation. For gods sake we need our privacy to mourn, soothe ourselves and survive while we search for the way out. I am not going to be transparent with him. He doesn't give a fig about my sexual needs. He has no right to invade my fortress. It is all I have. I will defend it. I will protect myself. AMEN Sister Rhapsodee!!!!
Please excuse the religious tone.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 26, 2017 16:07:08 GMT -5
Sooooo..... no change, huh? Sexless before menopause and sexless afterwards? Maybe it's just me, but I'm not convinced that menopause enters into the matter at all. You're probably right, it's just another excuse. That's the way I looked at it. But when she put the "sex life is over" to it, I quit trying and will not ever try with her again. Even if she had a change of heart, which so far hasn't happened.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 26, 2017 12:31:49 GMT -5
One of the things that has been a joy for me to learn here is how many of the woman here have no problems and are actually hornier after menopause. Sadly my wife was not one of them. Um... was she before? For some wives menopause is just an added club in the bag. She really is post menopause. But prior to that she had a bagful of excuses she used:
- I'm not in the mood - I'm stressed out about (fill in the blank) - I need all my sleep tonight because I have a big day at work tomorrow - My stomach hurts - My arm hurts - My leg hurts - You made me angry today - I'm still angry about (whatever) that happened 7 months ago - I'm too hot - I'm too cold - I need to lose weight - You need to lose weight - The dogs will see us - The cat is on the bed - Why did you wake me up? Now I will never get back to sleep and I have a hard day coming up today
Finally after 9 years of sexlessness:
- I'm lost my sex drive due to menopause and I'm not going to do HRT because of the cancer risk, so our sex life is history.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 26, 2017 1:29:08 GMT -5
- I can't have sex anymore because of menopause! Ha! I'm in perimenopause and I'm hornier than ever... When i finally hit menopause whenever that may be, (which btw is the term used only when a woman has been 12 months without a period) then i shall be free of that monthly curse and thinking wooohooo another week now to have sex! If i need any hormonal help at that point i will bloody go for it. If i find my libido dips, i will sort it out. It's a journey for sure, but i want to be a whole package and able to enjoy sex as i imagine i always wanted to. Frequently, joyfully, with fun and adventure. One of the things that has been a joy for me to learn here is how many of the woman here have no problems and are actually hornier after menopause. Sadly my wife was not one of them.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 25, 2017 19:34:47 GMT -5
- I can't have sex anymore because of menopause!
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Post by solodriver on Apr 24, 2017 20:06:44 GMT -5
Cool
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Post by solodriver on Apr 23, 2017 16:17:58 GMT -5
I, or someone, may have posted this video before but it to me shares what a sexless marriage feels like
So weird, I've been singing this for about 3 days..spooky! EO, we're connecting musically, lol
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Post by solodriver on Apr 22, 2017 12:51:56 GMT -5
That sounds like a good attitude to have. I bet it works too ... if both parties are buying into it. Upon reflection, I realize that the reason im so against scheduling sex is that scheduling it (in my marriage) does nothing to increase the likelihood of it happening. Have you ever been to one of those Family Life events? I have been to 5 of them, and we are scheduled to go to another one this spring. One thing they always stress is that if one spouse says "no sex tonight", it is incumbent upon them to RESCHEDULE, and to FOLLOW THROUGH with the rescheduling. When your spouse says no, and does not follow through with the rescheduling, it makes scheduling a false hope. I don't need any false hope in my life. Totally understood but 'missing the appointment' for want of a better phrase at least creates or can create accountability. Half the issue in my house is there is no schedule. I can initiate spontaneously and be knocked back with bull shit excuses such as "it's a bit late now" or any of the many others which scheduling would help to negate somewhat. The only other alternative is not to initiate at all through fear of being rejected and then your refuser has a ready made excuse that you have willingly handed them "how was I supposed to know you wanted to have sex? You never said anything! I'm not a mind reader" I will be suggesting scheduling to my W soon when the time appears right. She will either laugh it off in which case I will turn to laughing when she suggests that we need to go out on a date or spend some time together. Or she may agree and begin to schedule and then miss the appointment and I will consider doing the same back with things she likes doing. And remember that when she rejects or misses the appointment or opportunity, she's really saying "I don't give a crap about you or your needs."
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Post by solodriver on Apr 21, 2017 22:03:16 GMT -5
I, or someone, may have posted this video before but it to me shares what a sexless marriage feels like
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Post by solodriver on Apr 17, 2017 20:44:40 GMT -5
I would like to keep my sexy lover and I living in separate residences and occasionally spend the night together. We would enjoy dating and spending time together but would keep our residences and finances separate.
I think I just repeated you Rhapsodee. Sorry.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 16, 2017 16:04:31 GMT -5
Presumably those films speak to her because they are closely related to the movie in her head about what and how a marriage should be. That's the thing. I never tried to find out what my wife's movie was, either. She's about duty. She only eats half her steak so she can sacrifice herself and have me eat the other half. She changes the sheets on the bed. It never occurs to her to make a wet spot on the sheets first. I should've tried to find out first........ Thank you petrushka ! That is something that never occurred to me. What is the movie running in my husband's head? Oh my, he would be horrified to see mine! If my wife saw the movie in my head, she would be horrified and think I was the most disgusting person she ever met.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 15, 2017 23:34:32 GMT -5
Another thought just occurred to me....Maybe I'm living in a Hallmark movie!
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