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Post by solodriver on May 14, 2017 22:20:48 GMT -5
Thank you SoloD! My husband thought it would be funny to spend the weekend drinking (without me). Just for extra fun, he took off to the casino Friday night without telling me, lost a few hundred dollars, and didn't come home until the wee hours. He drank again last night. So far today, he's sober. But who knows how long that will last? After all, he has to celebrate Mother's Day. The only saving grace is that I may only have to spend one more Mother's Day with him. Now that's something to celebrate!! (I'm sorry if I sound bitter. I'm just sooooo tired of my SM. Counting the months until my escape.) Elle, I'm so sorry about the way the day was for you. But you are moving forward to having a better life and that is most important.
Hugs my dear friend!
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Post by solodriver on May 13, 2017 19:46:15 GMT -5
I want to wish all the wonderful, beautiful ladies of our group a heartfelt "Happy Mother's Day"! Try to enjoy the day in spite of your refusers. Remember it's THIER problem NOT YOURS.
Hugs
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Post by solodriver on May 12, 2017 22:14:35 GMT -5
When I brought the suggestion to my wife a few years ago about having a weekly date night, she actually started making excuses not to do that. Almost the same identical excuses for not having sex. The only different excuse she used was "we have no money to do anything". I then angrily said that we didn't need any damn money for what I thought we could enjoy doing and stormed out of the room and have never discussed it again. Another realization of just how far apart we have drifted and how she really feels. I'll never do it again.
Um... in all respect, you'll never do what again? Storm out of the room and let her manipulate you? Ever offer to do anything with her again, weather it includes money, or is free? Never care about her selfish feelings, her controlling, take over ,high on a pedestal ,attitude, but will instead go out alone or with other people, and let her stay home? So what did you do for yourself , on this Friday evening? I mean we are both on here aren't we? Where are other people our age on this Friday evening? I spent two hours driving around town, looking to see where the people are. By 6:30pm the beaches and parks are empty, but the Restaurants, full of people. Some have little mini bars, some are bars with mini restaurants, some are hotels with restaurants and mini bars. Most seemed full of couples.I personally am clueless on how to even attempt going to a restaurant alone and meeting someone. I am hoping to start asking other people who can direct me to friends who have gone through divorce, and encourage and guide me. Just to stick my toe in the water and get an idea, of what the future could hold. I am not even going to go on line until after the divorce is completely final. That will be a whole nother roller coaster. I won't ever offer another date night and we are just roommates at this point sharing the same house. On this Friday night I really don't have any money, lol, so I'm just enjoying the company here and watching Snapped, which probably isn't a good thing lol. People can be crazy.
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Post by solodriver on May 12, 2017 20:21:33 GMT -5
When I brought the suggestion to my wife a few years ago about having a weekly date night, she actually started making excuses not to do that. Almost the same identical excuses for not having sex. The only different excuse she used was "we have no money to do anything". I then angrily said that we didn't need any damn money for what I thought we could enjoy doing and stormed out of the room and have never discussed it again. Another realization of just how far apart we have drifted and how she really feels. I'll never do it again.
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Post by solodriver on May 11, 2017 0:39:46 GMT -5
"Never make someone a priority in your life, when they only consider you an option in theirs".
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Post by solodriver on May 7, 2017 2:51:16 GMT -5
Hi laura,
Welcome and I'm glad you found us. As you have read, we each have founds ways to deal with our situations, thanks to the friendships and sharing that happens here. Please know you are not alone and please read as often as you can. Something here may help you find your way on this path. We, collectively, open our arms to you. As you can see, many folks here are at various places along this path. But we each here support and care about each person on this path. I know for me, the folks here have been able to help me feel whole again and understand the most important thing to understand: YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM, NOR IS HAVING A STRONG SEXUAL DRIVE A BAD THING. OUR REFUSERS ARE THE ONES WITH THE PROBLEM! We just have to evaluate our situations and figure out what is best for us.
Because of the folks here, even though I'm still in my almost 19 year sexless marriage, I have learned how to deal with it and no longer blame myself about anything related to having a sexless marriage. I am so much stronger, have restored my self-esteem, and put the blame for the problem exactly where it belongs, with my refuser wife. And she can no longer hurt me either. We are roommates, and I will always care for her as I would any family member, but she will never hurt me again because of her choice to shut down the romantic sexual part of our marriage. And I also will not allow that to close my mind to future possibilities. I'm living my life the best I can and am enjoying new friendships and experiences that previously I would not have allowed myself to have because I felt "obligated" to my refuser. And the wonderful, beautiful folks here are the ones that helped make that happen for me. Sometimes we need a hug and sometime we need a little kick n our butts, but each one is coming from someone who is or has lived very similar experience to yours.
We are here for you.
Hugs, Solodriver
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Post by solodriver on May 5, 2017 20:17:39 GMT -5
I wouldn't ever do that. I've talked to a few men who had it done and their wives continued to deny sex afterwards even when they said that was what they wanted. And most of them ended up divorced and regretted having it done. Because sometimes they got with a new wife who really wanted to have a baby.
There are other ways to have birth control other than vasectomy. And if they don't like it, then I need to be with someone else.
Just my 2 cents.
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Post by solodriver on May 4, 2017 15:17:35 GMT -5
You are all so lovely! Why are so many fun people on the east coast? If I wasn't aaaaaaaall the way on the other side of the country, I'd have been there too. I'm more a half way fun person, living in the mid-west. That's why sunshine, beaches, and waves, let alone being the only guy with three women, made the trip so wonderful! Looks like heaven to me!!!! Just a small glimpse to what our island is going to be like
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Post by solodriver on May 4, 2017 11:49:01 GMT -5
You are all so lovely! Why are so many fun people on the east coast? If I wasn't aaaaaaaall the way on the other side of the country, I'd have been there too. Me too!!! Living in CA makes it just a bit hard because of the expense.
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Post by solodriver on May 3, 2017 3:07:49 GMT -5
Awww guys look at you all! What a lovely group - have a fabulous time. Wish I was there xx What a beautiful group
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Post by solodriver on May 2, 2017 9:54:10 GMT -5
Yup that's my husband. He is very proud of his accomplishments in his field. He was telling me tonite that part of his job is to see that there is a problem, find out what the problem is, where it went wrong and fix it. As he was describing his brilliance, I was thinking that he should do that with our marriage. But maybe not. I would be the problem and he would need to fix me. Yes that's my wife also. Nothing is EVER her fault, she is so perfect and right. When I say anything to her, she comes back with just the opposite. I swear if I say black, she will say white and if I agree she will change it. OMG!!!
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Post by solodriver on May 2, 2017 2:38:42 GMT -5
There are so many men in the world, and not that many have cat allergies. It's extremely unlikely that the only man on the planet who could work out for me, would also be severely allergic to cats. I think it speaks well of me that I made a commitment to take care of an animal, and I'm not going to ditch a pet who loves me for a man who might not. If that really is the only problem - and the man is so perfect I can't live without him - why can't he get allergy shots? Or, we could live in separate residences. Think outside the box a little. My pets are one of the reasons I'm still in my marriage. I probably couldn't have them in an apartment and they would probably end up in a shelter and have to be given up for re-adoption. I have bonds with my pets and my pets have bonds with me and it would be horrible to destroy and disrupt their world. I can't do it.
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Post by solodriver on May 1, 2017 2:18:37 GMT -5
Drinking my refreshing Zip-Fiz the morning after my long hike to see "waterfalls". I didn't believe there was enough flowing water in all of SoCal to actually have a waterfall. I was delighted to see it. Climbing down into the canyon I tweaked my knee. temp image hostOK now I need to know. What is Zip-Fiz?
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Post by solodriver on Apr 30, 2017 22:08:04 GMT -5
Hi EO,
I and the rest of us are here for you. Your a beautiful woman, inside and out, and deserve the love that you need from a non-drugged addicted man and not with this coke head. He is not the same man you married, I don't believe.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 30, 2017 21:56:41 GMT -5
I am not an athlete, but I am competitive. I will pace myself with someone better than I am. I'll almost kill my self trying to keep up. It gets me Into trouble sometimes. I started having a little pain in my knee cap after the Elephant Knees hike. I iced all week but kept to my regular routine. Yesterday was a long flat hike on rough terrain. I felt a stab of pain when descending into the canyon to see the waterfalls. Yup there was actually enough flowing water to have a waterfall. Going back up, I had no pain. Back on the trail I couldn't bend my knee. The 3-1/2 mile walk back was painful. I tied my bandana below my knee and it helped. I didn't bring my hiking poles so I had no support. I averaged 21 minutes a mile, I was in so much pain. What have I done to myself now? I welcome advice on how to beat this. Don't say only rest. I need to be proactive, strengthening, stretching, braces....... I'll continue to ice and massage trigger points as I find them. Stretching hamstrings, calves, and quads as much as I can. I don't have any advice, only best wishes for a fast recovery.
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