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Post by solodriver on Apr 15, 2017 23:33:12 GMT -5
Ah those wonderful Hallmark movies. My wife watches those from time to time...by herself! I have no interest in them.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 14, 2017 4:35:00 GMT -5
"But I will say one thing: If you’ve never suffered night after night of humiliation, if you’ve never been shut out of intimacy for weeks, months, years, then please don’t say that sex isn’t everything.
Sex is not a bargaining chip, nor a prize for good behavior. It is the most intense pleasure on the spectrum of human experience, and as such, it is also the one that can bring the most pain.
Sex creates life, but it can destroy it too."
This is EXACTLY how I feel. I really don't think that a lot of people understand this. Certainly our refusers don't and don't care. It almost destroyed me. But because I found this group, it saved me from doing something that I felt I had to do to end the suffering I was feeling, without any hope in my future.
Love you SD xxx Thanks EO, I love you too. You're one of the very special women who help me by just being here and caring day after day! XXX
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Post by solodriver on Apr 13, 2017 11:43:11 GMT -5
CONGRAULATIONS on finishing grad school. That's a very huge accomplishment and deserves to be celebrated and be proud of!
My God, I don't understand why sex has to be the most difficult for some people to do. I would die for someone who desired me as much as you, and the many women in this group do, for their husbands. These men don't even begin to appreciate how lucky they are that someone loves and desires them so much. It's hurts me beyond words each time I read these stores from the beautiful women here such as you. To me, anyone who has a problem with sex has other problems as well.
If, after talking with him about it he refuses to fix the problem or keeps putting it off, you need to walk away and divorce him. Being patient and loving with him is only working one way for you. He is not returning the love that you have so graciously shown him by continuing to refuse you.
I tried to be patient, loving, understanding, and talking about it and now, for me, it's been almost 18 years that my wife has refused to have sex with me. I feel ashamed, sad, very lonely and heartbroken. The longer you wait and allow him to do this to you, the more those feelings become a part of you "normal" life and the more intense they become. Eventually you will lose all desire and love that you have for him. I lost all the desire and love for my wife and now I don't ever want to have sex with her again. Her refusing has destroyed those feelings and desires I once had for her. I care for her as I would anyone else in my family, but not in any romantic sense and that can never happen for me again. When she first starting refusing me and giving me the reasons, I would fix whatever the issue was and then it became something else. Then it became her health and then it was one excuse after another and I realized that I was unable to overcome her refusals and that, she no longer loved me in a romantic and intimate way. That realization would have destroyed me, had it not been for me finding this group and the wonderful people in it that have shown me how to deal with it.
Let me share with you something I just read yesterday from Dan in his post "Living in A Sexless Marriage Almost Broke Me" which you can find in the Resources section of this group. "But I will say one thing: If you’ve never suffered night after night of humiliation, if you’ve never been shut out of intimacy for weeks, months, years, then please don’t say that sex isn’t everything.
Of course there are other components to a marriage—love, trust, respect, compassion, affection, communication and a hundred other things. But sex is not just optional. It is not a bargaining chip, nor a prize for good behavior. Sex is powerful. It is the most intense pleasure on the spectrum of human experience, and as such, it is also the one that can bring the most pain.
Sex creates life, but it can destroy it too."
I truly understand about how very hard it is to make the decision to have to walk away and divorce. But you will never find happiness or be happy with someone who truly doesn't love you the way you need and DESERVE to be loved. Quite honestly he doesn't love you if he refuses you in the most wonderful way that we can show someone we love them, through intimacy and sex.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 13, 2017 3:22:10 GMT -5
"But I will say one thing: If you’ve never suffered night after night of humiliation, if you’ve never been shut out of intimacy for weeks, months, years, then please don’t say that sex isn’t everything.
Sex is not a bargaining chip, nor a prize for good behavior. It is the most intense pleasure on the spectrum of human experience, and as such, it is also the one that can bring the most pain.
Sex creates life, but it can destroy it too."
This is EXACTLY how I feel. I really don't think that a lot of people understand this. Certainly our refusers don't and don't care. It almost destroyed me. But because I found this group, it saved me from doing something that I felt I had to do to end the suffering I was feeling, without any hope in my future.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 11, 2017 20:01:54 GMT -5
But Rhapsodee our refuser have put us in a SEXLESS MARRIAGE!
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Post by solodriver on Apr 11, 2017 19:58:04 GMT -5
I bet Flashjohn can relate to this Cagedtiger.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 11, 2017 19:55:11 GMT -5
How many red flags do you think means "GET AWAY!"?
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Post by solodriver on Apr 10, 2017 21:51:31 GMT -5
I haven't had a problem with "sex" spam on my computer (or in my life lol)
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Post by solodriver on Apr 7, 2017 21:53:59 GMT -5
That is a great idea notlovingit
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Post by solodriver on Apr 7, 2017 19:47:33 GMT -5
Deadzone, That's exactly where I'm at but I'm not ready to give up on my sexuality yet. I'm not giving my refuser the satisfaction of allowing my sex drive to die, just because she did at my age. As a matter of fact I will be addressing a small problem that has recently come up when I see my doctor again so that my sex drive will continue to be good, strong and fun. I have hopes of being with another woman again and to enjoy the joys of sex and intimacy and I want to always be ready when that may happen. I want to be able to have and enjoy sex until I stop breathing!
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Post by solodriver on Apr 7, 2017 19:38:01 GMT -5
You're still a youngster. Why are you throwing in the towel? You have 30+ years ahead of you. If I had been aware at age 44 that my marriage was devolving into a sexless wasteland, I would have been at the community college gaining the creds for a career and planning my exit strategy. Two years and an associates degree will get you started. A trade school will get your foot in the door. For gods sake don't wait until you're 56. Amen Rhapsodee, I wished I had done that as well.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 6, 2017 3:30:31 GMT -5
Finally getting it where I want it! If you have registered, but it won't reset your password, let me know. I will email you a site generated password and you can change it in your profile once you are logged in. sexlessmarriage.supportHey notlovingit, I finally was able to log in and register. Cool, thanks
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Post by solodriver on Apr 4, 2017 16:18:54 GMT -5
You look so serious Rhapsodee, were you having fun? I'm guessing you were concentrating.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 1, 2017 15:26:26 GMT -5
When I clicked on the site, I got a message "Web Site Blocked" by my anti virus software.
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Post by solodriver on Apr 1, 2017 0:47:27 GMT -5
I had the same excuse from my wife: "I can't because the dog can hear and see us and I don't want to close him out of the room!" When I suggested we go somewhere else away from home without the dog, the answer because, "I don't trust ANYONE to take care of the dog properly."
End of sex life.
you do know that it has nothing to do with the dog, right?
SaveYes I figured that out after a few years.
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