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Post by brian on Aug 13, 2017 13:52:01 GMT -5
Yup. A free pass to see hookers* every other month and she is gone every week? Methinks you're being had. I imagine she's already having her fun. *her mention of the amount you can afford leads me to believe she expects you to hire a pro. Always a possibility that she is having her fun. I have considered that possibility for years. I don't believe so, and she vehemently denies it as a possibility when it's brought up, but the thought has always been there. As for the affordability, can't bring 'em home (kids), so it's a hotel. Can only afford so many of those before renting a cheap apartment becomes more economical. But how many women want to go to "his place" for a romp?
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Post by brian on Aug 13, 2017 9:32:35 GMT -5
"Wow! A free pass once every other month? I suppose she is finally coming around to realize that she is incapable of giving me what I want (someone who actually WANTS to have sex with me)" How long are you going to allow her to control your balls? You could choose to do what you want just like she does. LOL! Good point! That's the "change" she has noticed in the last 6 months... me making choices for myself. Problem is that there are kids that need to be considered, especially when my roommate travels (3 days a week). As the summer comes to a close and autumn sports ramp up, my responsibilities for "being around" while she is on a work trip become more. What she will start seeing is that when she is in town, I may very well be out with friends. As was said in another post (forget who, but it's a common saying), her chickens are coming home to roost!
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Post by brian on Aug 13, 2017 9:26:15 GMT -5
Like when my husband wanted to take a second wife, I was listed as having a mood disorder. I was forbidden from telling them the real truth, that I freaked out after seeing a receipt for a hotel. For apparently, him learning how to sleep "alone". Do others in SM experience this? Wiat... what?!? FORBIDDEN from twlling the truth?!? Who the fuck gets to tell you that you're not allowed to tell the truth? That is complete bullshit! If someone doesn't want the truth out there, then they shouldn't be doing what they are doing. Manipulative control freak. You need to run. OK... I've had some time to wake up and reflect on this a little more. A couple of points: 1). Being ASKED to not reveal the truth could possibly be a little different... e.g. Please help me out by not mentioning blah blah blah because you care about me. That could still be manipulative, but at least it's a REQUEST. 2). Isn't this awfully close to what we, as a society, recognize as an abuser's way of keeping their actions hidden? "Don't tell anybody what I/we just did, or bad things will happen to you/them." OK. That's all I have for now.
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Post by brian on Aug 13, 2017 9:10:43 GMT -5
Idk... is it abusive to make the other person in a relationship feel like shit, potentially send them into a depressive tailspin, deny them happiness and fulfillment in a relationship, minimize their feelings, and belittle them for thinking that sex was normal and ok?
I think we all know the answer.
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Post by brian on Aug 13, 2017 7:26:40 GMT -5
Sexless vacation??? Is there any other kind of vacation? After 21 years of marriage, I think I have had sex on "vacation" (including the honeymoon) a total of 3 times.
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Post by brian on Aug 13, 2017 6:09:55 GMT -5
Truly! Now, don't get me wrong, I also enjoy those things (separately). But given the choice between that or any number of other things to do, especially WITH someone, I'll choose those other things every time. Comedy club, dinner theater, a good play/musical/concert, social outing at a bar, outdoor activity of your choice (really, most anything goes here for me), etc. What's on the agenda for today? Going to a vinyard in the afternoon for wine tasting and live entertainment because she enjoys her wine. Hopefully she'll enjoy the entertainment too, but I have little choice there. Afterwards, dinner at an Irish Pub nearby. I'm hoping the kids will be fine while we are gone. If we were at home, I wouldn't be concerned, but we are on vacation at the beach, so who knows how safe they will be without "adult" supervision. I suppose a little update is in order... She enjoyed the vineyard. Had a nice time. Had a long talk too. She dropped a bombshell on me though... said that my behavior has changed in the last 6 months (it has) and that she thinks that I am setting a bad example for the kids by going out and drinking with coworkers after work once or twice a month. Suggested that I either Uber home or get a hotel for the night. She also mentioned that if I got a hotel room, that I could "invite a friend". However, we can't afford that twice monthly, so how about once every other month and other times I go out I limit myself to 1 drink as well as start bringing lunch to work from home. Wow! A free pass once every other month? I suppose she is finally coming around to realize that she is incapable of giving me what I want (someone who actually WANTS to have sex with me). Of course, what's running through my brain is that a "free pass" isn't really free... there is emotional baggage, risk, etc., but also that it goes right to the core of the matter that she doesn't want me, but does want me around -- enough so that she would be willing to let me have an AP to keep me around. It's a bit messed up, if you ask me. I found it a bit odd that she focused on my going out with my coworkers as the one change in behavior as I feel it's been way more than that. Maybe that's just the one thing that she feels she can address at the present time. Oh... and she nixed the Irish Pub idea for dinner and we settled for somewhere else. All good there. Forgot one thing... yeah, no sex. Not even a kiss, a touch, anything. Wasn't expecting it though... didn't even really want it after last year's "attempt".
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Post by brian on Aug 13, 2017 6:08:38 GMT -5
Truly! Now, don't get me wrong, I also enjoy those things (separately). But given the choice between that or any number of other things to do, especially WITH someone, I'll choose those other things every time. Comedy club, dinner theater, a good play/musical/concert, social outing at a bar, outdoor activity of your choice (really, most anything goes here for me), etc. What's on the agenda for today? Going to a vinyard in the afternoon for wine tasting and live entertainment because she enjoys her wine. Hopefully she'll enjoy the entertainment too, but I have little choice there. Afterwards, dinner at an Irish Pub nearby. I'm hoping the kids will be fine while we are gone. If we were at home, I wouldn't be concerned, but we are on vacation at the beach, so who knows how safe they will be without "adult" supervision. I suppose a little update is in order... She enjoyed the vineyard. Had a nice time. Had a long talk too. She dropped a bombshell on me though... said that my behavior has changed in the last 6 months (it has) and that she thinks that I am setting a bad example for the kids by going out and drinking with coworkers after work once or twice a month. Suggested that I either Uber home or get a hotel for the night. She also mentioned that if I got a hotel room, that I could "invite a friend". However, we can't afford that twice monthly, so how about once every other month and other times I go out I limit myself to 1 drink as well as start bringing lunch to work from home. Wow! A free pass once every other month? I suppose she is finally coming around to realize that she is incapable of giving me what I want (someone who actually WANTS to have sex with me). Of course, what's running through my brain is that a "free pass" isn't really free... there is emotional baggage, risk, etc., but also that it goes right to the core of the matter that she doesn't want me, but does want me around -- enough so that she would be willing to let me have an AP to keep me around. It's a bit messed up, if you ask me. I found it a bit odd that she focused on my going out with my coworkers as the one change in behavior as I feel it's been way more than that. Maybe that's just the one thing that she feels she can address at the present time. Oh... and she nixed the Irish Pub idea for dinner and we settled for somewhere else. All good there.
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Post by brian on Aug 13, 2017 5:34:47 GMT -5
Like when my husband wanted to take a second wife, I was listed as having a mood disorder. I was forbidden from telling them the real truth, that I freaked out after seeing a receipt for a hotel. For apparently, him learning how to sleep "alone". Do others in SM experience this? Wiat... what?!? FORBIDDEN from twlling the truth?!? Who the fuck gets to tell you that you're not allowed to tell the truth? That is complete bullshit! If someone doesn't want the truth out there, then they shouldn't be doing what they are doing. Manipulative control freak. You need to run.
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Post by brian on Aug 10, 2017 7:22:47 GMT -5
He enjoys going to the movie theater and reading his phone while eating, have a nice night! Unbelievable! Truly! Now, don't get me wrong, I also enjoy those things (separately). But given the choice between that or any number of other things to do, especially WITH someone, I'll choose those other things every time. Comedy club, dinner theater, a good play/musical/concert, social outing at a bar, outdoor activity of your choice (really, most anything goes here for me), etc. What's on the agenda for today? Going to a vinyard in the afternoon for wine tasting and live entertainment because she enjoys her wine. Hopefully she'll enjoy the entertainment too, but I have little choice there. Afterwards, dinner at an Irish Pub nearby. I'm hoping the kids will be fine while we are gone. If we were at home, I wouldn't be concerned, but we are on vacation at the beach, so who knows how safe they will be without "adult" supervision.
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Post by brian on Aug 9, 2017 11:54:25 GMT -5
Tomorrow's the day. Another year to reflect upon. Another opportunity to contemplate where I/we are headed. One year ago I had the absolute worst sexual experience with my refuser. I have no desire to even contemplate sex tomorrow. We are on vacation, with the kids (and our 17yr old's gf). I really hate living my sex life vicariously through my teenage son, but he gets more action and variety in a week than I get in 2yrs.
Where am I going with this post? Idk. Just rambling, I guess. I have an afternoon and even planned for tomorrow. It could be considered romantic, if ppl were in a romantic mood. I just want to show her that I care about her likes and wants, even if she doesn't reciprocate. Am I nuts?
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Post by brian on Aug 9, 2017 11:46:05 GMT -5
Been a while since I posted. I thought I would give an update. She's holding true to her word. Sex life has been great since the "talk". I hope it will continue but only time will tell! I hope it continues, my friend. I agree. Great news! Just remember that the sex is really for the relationship and that you need to be as sensitive to her feelings and desires as she has been to yours.
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Post by brian on Aug 9, 2017 11:42:46 GMT -5
Some men/ women do not enjoy sex and they aren't going to do something they don't want to no matter what. Some men/ women are no longer attracted to their spouse. Some men/ women are lazy and would rather masturbate to porn and just get themselves off. Some men/ women are selfish. Some men/ women are intimacy averse and don't like kissing, hugging, affection let alone actual sex. Some men/ women are secretly gay. These are a few reasons off the top of my head. I can speculate as to my ex's why but it wouldn't change anything. I shouldn't have to beg a man to want sex with me. Now I'm single, getting laid is pretty easy. Basically this ^^^^^^^ I'm guessing this may fall in the 'Some men/woman are just selfish' category but... Some men/woman still find their partner attractive, still enjoy having sex, still develop a natural desire for sex (over time) but... on the whole are perfectly happy without it. Therefore they don't make room for it. In my opinion this means Some men/woman are complacent with regards to what is important for a marriage to be successful. Now I could live the rest of my life quite happily without eating ice cream but I can still really enjoy a tub of Ben and jerry's if it's placed in front of me. In fact when I eat it (apart from the negative dietary issues associated with ice cream) I often think, why don't I eat this more? This is yummy as fuck! And if, my wife loved ice cream but could only eat it when I agree to participate, guess what! I'd happily stuff it down each week knowing that I was a good hubby. ....and Ben&Jerry's even has a flavor to help you out! It's called Chubby Hubby. My wife loves that ice cream. Great analogy.
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Post by brian on Aug 9, 2017 8:36:27 GMT -5
There's *staying* for the kids, There's *leaving* for the kids. There is also staying for *your* need to be near the kids too. They are all perfectly legitimate choices, just different motivations. One more . .. there is leaving for "NEW KIDS" One can have more kids - it is not forbidden to have more children with a new soul mate. A legitimate choice for future yet born children. True statement, however, many of us here currently have the mindset of wanting to make sure options are open. I would gather that many feel trapped (financially, emotionally, whatever) in their current situation because of kids and would likely avoid having more. Still, it's a valid option.
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Post by brian on Aug 8, 2017 20:22:14 GMT -5
I haven't worn mine in nearly a decade. Basically, when I stopped feeling married.
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Post by brian on Aug 2, 2017 5:39:47 GMT -5
The problem is neither the porn, nor your spouse having a twang. The problem is that your spouse doesn't want to fuck you, for... reasons. You mentioned you both gained weight. No idea how much or how that affects either of your appearances or health. I find in general that even if a moderate amount of weight is lost, it doesn't restore attraction. But whether he was having a twang, an affair, or spending time playing video games, working, or playing fantasy football - it's simply something he would rather do than fucking you - and that feels really shitty. But don't make it about the porn - that's a distraction. We went to marriage counseling and in there he told me that because of weight gain he is no longer physically attracted to me Is it viable to tell him that due to his attitude change, you no longer feel obligated to remain married to him? Does he really think that people won't put on some weight as they age? If he is so shallow that it's all about appearance, what happens as you both get older? Gray hair? A little saggy or wrinkly skin here and there? I don't care about my spouses weight when it comes to whether or not I am attracted to her. I am attracted to HER, not the package she comes in. Physically, she has NEVER been "my type", but it was the person she was that attracted me to her when we were dating. So you have to consider, for yourself, is it worth keeping up your appearance just for him to find you attractive? And for how long? What happens when you're both in your 50's? Will he then feel like he should go run around with ladies in their mid-20's because those are the only ones that are "attractive"?
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