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Post by csl on May 9, 2023 6:03:09 GMT -5
h You come across very pragmatic. I think it will suit you well in a time like this. Don't lose sight of that. Give yourself some time and priority as well. Find some things you enjoy doing for you. That will give you some momentum. Pragmatic is what I am. I'm a chess player. I use that logic in most areas of my life. I think about my choices, and then think about all the possible ways that others could respond to each choice, and then think about the subsequent choices I would have available after that... CHESS!!! I used to play avidly before computers screwed up all competition. Colle System for white, Caro-Kahn and Benko Gambit for black. Life member of the USCF.
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Post by csl on Mar 26, 2023 7:20:49 GMT -5
Married just over 20 years and our sex life has been on the downward spiral for 15. We’ve now reached the lowest point in our sex life - twice in that last six months. Have tried talking to her about it, but it’s now very clear that nothing is going to change, I suggested we move to separate beds but it was very clear she sees this as the first step to separating and was very much against it. I’m probably going to have this talk again as the marital bed really isn’t a marital bed any more, so any tips on having this discussion would be appreciated. So she sees it as a first step to separation? Good. Maybe she will be motivated to do some heavy lifting to prevent it. Tell her she's right, and move to the second bed. Ball's in her court, then.
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Post by csl on Mar 25, 2023 6:06:07 GMT -5
My sexless marriage is in recovery. I'm still in the "trust but verify" stage of the recovery. A few mornings ago she made it a point to tell me she had a very vivid sexual dream. I asked if I was in it and she rolled her eyes and said "yes, of course!" Naturally I pressed her for details. As she is very good at, she stealthily changed the subject without giving me any insight. And, no, nothing has happened in bed since then. What to make of this? Blunder8, Yesterday, after a read a comment of yours, I went back and familiarized myself with your situation, and saw that you were are this stage you reference above. I don't know what site your wife read, but I do know of one that might have been the template for your situration and your wife's subsequent change: The Forgiven Wife. As to your "trust but verify", Chris (Forgiven Wife) addresses the fear of being cut off again, in an old post entitled What If Your Husband Responds Negatively...At the end of the article, there are links to other posts that she has written about different aspects of the topic, and the one entitled "I've Changed But My Husband Hasn't Noticed" might also be of help. csl
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She won
Nov 28, 2022 8:11:11 GMT -5
h likes this
Post by csl on Nov 28, 2022 8:11:11 GMT -5
And yesterday we went out with my son and she clipped his head in a shop, "as a joke". He told her not to hit him in public and she stormed off in a sulk. Maybe again he over reacted, or maybe she is crossing bounderies everywhere. I will look again for a decent therapist. And look to stop this "jokey" hitting before it escalates Um, she hit you and she hit her son. I can think of one way to stop this: the police. Heck, it just might get her out of the house, as society is coming round to the idea that it is not a good idea to leave abusers in situ.
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Post by csl on Sept 18, 2022 7:41:34 GMT -5
I'm surprised no one has mentioned Hope Springs, with Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones and Steven Carrell.
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Post by csl on May 12, 2022 7:14:45 GMT -5
Wow, did I have a bad cold when I did that!
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Post by csl on Feb 5, 2022 8:57:35 GMT -5
1) Yeah,,, I believe you're right! Far more than I realized! What's that old saying " you don't know what you've got till it's gone". In my defense I believe I did try, on a daily bases to remind myself not to take her for granite. Joni Mitchell, "Big Yellow Taxi" - written about just such a situation
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Post by csl on Jan 5, 2022 8:48:53 GMT -5
I will echo this, consider your wife a room mate, it will make it easier for you. But wait. Does that mean I should give up on the thought of ever having sex again? Yes. As I say on my blog, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got." Keep doing what you're doing, it's working for as least one of you.
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Post by csl on Dec 26, 2021 8:40:19 GMT -5
Is that an Emo Phillips joke? He's my favorite comedian... I don't know who came up with it. An old friend sends me jokes all the time, many do not credit their creater, so I just plagerize them. You should check him out. He is a complete goofball, and master of the paraprosdokian. One of my favorite Emo lines: I found my girlfriend in bed with my best friend--I was crushed! I said, "Get off me, you two!"
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Post by csl on Dec 25, 2021 9:21:26 GMT -5
My computer beat me at chess 3 games in a row....But it was no match for me at kickboxing.... Is that an Emo Phillips joke? He's my favorite comedian...
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Post by csl on Dec 9, 2021 8:50:43 GMT -5
Please refresh me on who "CSL" is. Did you mention that in the previous forum? I have not looked into that.
Nuts and bolts out of the way... CSL is a "unapologetic Christian" who posted a hefty supply of essays concerning sexless marriage in a Christian household. Find them here: curmudgeonlylibrarian.wordpress.com/sexless-marriage-series/If reading time is tough to come by (maybe borrow some Bible study time to strengthen your Christian marriage?), some of his essays are recorded for the * REFUSED* podcast. You can download episodes and listen in the car. refusedpodcast.comReligious discussions happen not infrequently over on the "Off Topic" category at ILIASM. Not a small number of devout Christians here. I figure they're the folks less inclined to pull up stakes when sexlessness comes along. You have a number of folks like you. CSL provides a number of suggestions that shouldn't conflict with your views. The "Addressing Sexless Marriage" series has some anyone should give a try. Oh, I find that I have been mentioned... Hello, coffeeacvhiever, and yes, I am an unapologetic Christian. If you don't have a lot of browsing time available to you, I recommend you go to my free download page, in which I have assembled my articles by topic, and not try to read them in the scattershot manner that a chronological attempt to read my post would produce. The downloads are free; I have not attempted to monetize the stuff. Off the top of my head, I would recommend getting David Instone-Brewer's Divorce and Remarriage In The Church. CSL url indicated below, in the sig line.
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Post by csl on Nov 22, 2021 8:28:04 GMT -5
If a couple wants something like that and agrees to that, then okay, fine. But the unilateral imposition of such a marriage? Divorce court in the offing. The moral logic in play by refusers isn't outlandish though. If Saul of Tarsus said it was best to be like him, isn't unilateral celibacy an effort to "correct the mistake"? He says marriage is what you do if you cannot be chaste around the opposite sex. (it actually spoke of men showing restraint, I suppose female chastity wasn't seen as a challenge?) Invocation of 1 Corinthians 7 cuts both ways and the use of shame to insist that refused spouses rise to the example of Saul is arguably Godly and righteous...if you're a Paulene Christian. Still, Saul basically says marriage is for those who cannot contain themselves. It is better to be unmarried if you can, and, he says, should. This runs afoul of the Old Testament permission/blessing/command to be fruitful and multiply. Christians not uncommonly support both verses, despite contradiction. Logically, a person should either toss out the directives of the Old Testament as Paulenes say you can and embrace chastity as Saul instead recommends, OR reject Saul of Tarsus' (erroneously?) canonized books and recognize the moral necessity of marriage, sex, and reproduction going together. (is fertility treatment a religious duty to "open the matrix"?) perhaps even condemning virginity and Onanism and encouraging out of wedlock birth (whores' birth control was no more reliable than anyone else's at the time.) Actually, 1 Cor 7 is the antidote, not the causation. To deny sex is to "defraud" (in the King Jimmy). Explications of why Paul preferred others to be like him vary, but the idea of celibacy being a more spiritual state came after Paul, not from Paul.
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Post by csl on Nov 19, 2021 8:10:29 GMT -5
Example of Catholic Church-sanctioned sexless marriage, OK knock yourself out and go for it. i didn't sing up for a Josephite relationship. Most thought sex would be multiple times a week. If a couple wants something like that and agrees to that, then okay, fine. But the unilateral imposition of such a marriage? Divorce court in the offing.
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Post by csl on Nov 19, 2021 8:08:28 GMT -5
"I had never heard of a Josephite marriage, a union inspired by the relationship between Joseph and the Virgin Mary, the mother of Jesus...they entered marriage without the intention of a celibate union... ... the publication Catholic Exchange explained that in addition to conventional marriage, there still exists “the type of marriage Joseph and Mary had and is sometimes referred to as a Josephite marriage.” Married celibates, according to the article, give up sex “because they hope to live a life that points the way to what will come in the next life, to something better and higher." The actual Josephite marriage might not have been "Josephite". Interesting note about the dual meaning in original Greek and Jesus' identification of the Apostle, John to Mary. www.grunge.com/645730/the-untold-truth-of-jesus-siblings/Still, best of luck to The Catholics that all their members take Saul of Tarsus up on the offer to not have sex, serve God Better, and enjoy the same success as the Shakers. And now a film "Based on the Book"... That video is a hoot! Love it! I've always thought that there had to be some resentment when Joseph or Mary chewed them out and said, "Why can't you be more like Jesus?"
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Post by csl on Oct 21, 2021 7:54:24 GMT -5
Woman can't believe Christians think it's safe to go back to church as she stands in line at Walmart... You do really enjoy the Babylon Bee, don't you?
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