|
Post by csl on Oct 15, 2023 7:35:13 GMT -5
Have you tried a good stage yawn when he begins his "me, me, me" routine? I know its just my innate snarkiness coming out, but I would be tempted to say something like, "Do you mind if I tape this? It sounds like it will help with my insomnia."
But, then again, that's just me, which cannot be a good thing.
|
|
|
Post by csl on Oct 15, 2023 7:27:29 GMT -5
Um, in the "I help out" paragraph, I read nothing about helping her with the kid. btw, did you ask her about what, specifically, you could do to help out around the house?
Generous Husband, huh? Wife and I have met Paul and Lori a couple of times, and they are great people. They are the Genesis of Christian marital blogging, having been at it for 20 years.
|
|
|
Post by csl on Oct 13, 2023 8:04:33 GMT -5
1. Could this just be a rut? Does it get better? Any tips on where to start? 2. Could I be the problem? 3. What causes a man to not want to be intimate after a baby? 1 - Yes. Maybe, but only if you don't take his no as final, and insist that he step up, somehow. First, start standing up for yourself. 2 - No. 3 - Madonna Complex. You don't screw the mother of God.
|
|
|
Post by csl on Oct 13, 2023 7:57:07 GMT -5
Thank you both for your welcome. It wasn’t a choice to move into the spare room. I was told to. She said she likes her space and so on and so forth. In terms of growing my social circle, that’s something I’m trying to find ways to do, however, I know that it won’t go down well with her as she likes me at home, and hates it if I even so much as mention going to the gym. I think the influx of several new folks is starting me up again. SHE doesn't like it? So? Do you like being moved out of the bedroom? Do you like being in a SM? Maybe, just maybe, she doesn't get to be absolute monarch? Rather than Milquetoast-ing your way through your marriage, you say something like, "So?"
|
|
|
Post by csl on Oct 11, 2023 7:11:42 GMT -5
Of all the words to derive encouragement. I tried to be thorough, even up to and beyond your "nuclear option" of going public. I've now worked my way through a fair chunk of the material, and have found it enormously helpful - especially the exegesis . Thankyou for pulling it together in such a thoughtful and thought-provoking way. I'm feeling a little bit less cornered and helpless, and a bit more empowered. Baby steps. Thank you for your kind words. I am gratified to know that it is helpful to you.
|
|
|
Post by csl on Oct 10, 2023 6:00:12 GMT -5
I, too, am a Christian, and have a blog dealing with sexless marriage, divorce, etc., from a Christian perspective. The url is in my tag line, below. I've had a quick scan of the subject headings and it looks like you've dealt with it in considerable depth. Seeing the word "exegesis" is encouraging. Thankyou. Of all the words to derive encouragement. I tried to be thorough, even up to and beyond your "nuclear option" of going public.
|
|
|
Post by csl on Oct 9, 2023 8:00:03 GMT -5
I, too, am a Christian, and have a blog dealing with sexless marriage, divorce, etc., from a Christian perspective. The url is in my tag line, below.
|
|
|
Post by csl on Oct 4, 2023 7:58:57 GMT -5
The exact definition of a sexless marriage is irrelevant in my case. We were in the single digits for years and absolutely zero in the last 5. She knows it's a sexless marriage. Having days where I don't initiate is also irrelevant since she's asexual she doesn't want sex at all, ever. We've both only started our individual counciling so I have a long way to go for my personal healing. Right now she wants one night a week where we cuddle on the couch and another night to go out on a date night. This is what was suggested by her councilor for intimacy. The cuddling, as much as I want it, is absolutely not enjoyable. For me the physical closeness only creates more sexual tension that I know will never be released....at leat not until she goes to bed and I can take care of it on my own. I said before I was going to stay for financial and parenting issues but I'm wondering if I can make it work. It can work, as long as you accept her boundaries. You want sex, she wants no sex. No sex it is. Great compromise. I was wont to say on my blog, "It's not her marriage, it's not your marriage; it's y'all's marriage." It her marriage at this time. If you ware going to stay for the kids and finances, establish ground rules and boundaries for a roommate status, and nothing else.
|
|
|
Post by csl on Sept 22, 2023 7:29:29 GMT -5
If you haven't already you need to talk about your feelings on the lack of sex. She may not realize how important the sex is to you. I recently had this conversation with my wife. I'm hoping that now that she knows how important it is, she may make efforts to change her stance on sex. If months go by and there's still no effort on her part to "compromise" as she puts it, I know that from here on out if I stay, it'll be as friends, nothing more. I already had this talk with her in 2017. She completely refused to see a marriage counselor with me or even read a marriage book with me. She cried. She promised to change. She didn't. She knows my views on sex but I can't make the empty threat of divorce since I'm not ready to follow through on it yet. There's nothing left to talk about because it's either already been said or can't be said yet. This reminds me of the old chestnut about the guy who told his wife "I love you" back in '03, and once was enough. I'm wondering if she thinks that everything is just peaches and cream, marriage-wise. I'm not saying that you need to become a Debbie Downer, but is your wife operating under a delusion of your making?
|
|
|
Post by csl on Sept 19, 2023 7:34:20 GMT -5
Interesting. She seems to have the idea that compromise means "dictate terms of surrender to a defeated foe." Kinda like Russia and its satellite states, no? Maybe buy her a dictionary for her birthday?
|
|
|
Post by csl on Sept 18, 2023 7:35:01 GMT -5
So we talked more about "compromise" and I brought up the idea of non-monogamy and she pretty much freaked out at that idea. She did say she's wants to compromise but not if its all about fixing her since she doesn't think there's anything wrong with her. So I guess the compromise is that I give up sex. Am I wrong in feeling like she changed the terms of our marriage? Well, ask her, don't guess. "Does your definition of compromise mean 'no sex'?" Get specifics from her, not ephemeral vagaries.
|
|
|
Post by csl on Sept 5, 2023 7:27:55 GMT -5
Sorry to everyone, this is mostly just venting that I wanted to write down. I finally had the talk with my W, about missing the physical intimacy and connection, we even did the 5 love languages quiz to find out a bit more about each other. This jumped out at me as I read your post. It reminded me of a man I knew who was just like you, doing everything. Then he had his own Independence Day: curmudgeonlylibrarian.wordpress.com/2015/02/06/christian-go-to-marital-tools-part-2-2/Go, thou, and do likewise.
|
|
|
Post by csl on Aug 17, 2023 7:42:18 GMT -5
You could always tell her to practice what she preaches...
|
|
|
Post by csl on Jul 27, 2023 7:12:18 GMT -5
Today I was looking for something online and came across a copy of the USA declaration of Independence. Upon reading the opening paragraphs I realized that with a bit of editing bit can apply to our SM. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments relationships long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Governments relationships, and to provide new Guards partners for their future security.Am I over thinking again? Not really. When my blog was active, I would tell the people who emailed me that they would tolerate the tolerable until it became intolerable. I admit, I was proud of that line, but I am happy to see how Thomas J. put clothes on my little aphorism and dressed it up proper.
|
|
|
Post by csl on May 21, 2023 6:28:57 GMT -5
Sorry, but No. If she sinks y'all's sex life, she doesn't have a say in your current "sex life."
|
|