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Post by cagedtiger on Jun 2, 2017 15:09:52 GMT -5
I don't think it's so much about looks as it is lifestyle and compatibility. I enjoy moving, being outside, partaking in activities that are active, and pushing myself, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Because of my own values, aggressive, passionate, competitive individuals are most attractive to me.
I've dated women of all shapes and sizes so possess those traits, any I might be in the minority here, but I'll actually read a woman's profile and try and get an idea of her values and priorities before I start creeping on the pictures; I'm not trying to waste my time chasing a pretty decoration with the personality of an oak tree.
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Post by cagedtiger on Jun 2, 2017 12:30:40 GMT -5
I'm much the same way, greatcoastal about staying active. My STBX has put on probably 60-70 pounds since we started dating, but I still found her desirable and attractive, even as she was shooting me down, doing the opposite of taking care of herself, and complaining about me "judging her" when I was trying to help her take better care of herself. I posted all about this in one of my much earlier posts, but it was a series of patterns that began to emerge that slowly and surely drove me away. It started with her complaining about gaining weight (she had to buy a second dress a couple of months before our wedding, because she was unable to fit into her original one), but didn't respond well to my gentle efforts to help arrest and reverse what was happening. It started with her pledging to eat healthier, then instead of eating the breakfasts and lunches I was prepping and packing for her, picking up fast food for those meals. Or, instead of eating the dinners I was cooking, she was picking up takeout pizza, Chinese, or other foods - those infamous containers that built up in the bedroom. She complained about how she used to run, and kept signing up for half-marathons, but when I'd invite her for walks or runs with the dogs or through the neighborhood, she'd decline because she didn't feel well, was too tired, or felt like I was pressuring her to do things. We even worked out as a couple with a trainer - she spent most of the time criticizing me for "trying too hard" or "showing off" before, during, or after the sessions. It was finally realizing that this was just who she was, and it's very much not who I am, that was the final nail on the coffin. Especially when I realized that these weren't traits that I ever wanted to be present in a partner, or in the future mother of my children.
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Post by cagedtiger on Jun 2, 2017 10:03:02 GMT -5
you get to touch all over another person? !!! What a deal. Actually my sister met her husband on a dance class, I think ballroom dancing. What was the short people problem, is it hard to salsa with a shorter person? Or short people were intimidated by your height? The men were particularly tall, I am under five feet tall, they just we're having a hard time moving with me considering my ass was rubbing against their knees hahaha 😅 As much as I don't mind looking directly into an athletic man's core, I was a challenge for them to dance with. I'm sure I could find a dance partner that'd be happy to utilize my height, but we moved from that state... But come to think of it, maybe I should look around here for some more fun! Hmmmm. Keeping an open frame would help with that a bit, I think. Soon as you go to a closed frame, that could be problematic (I'm 6'1"). I was told on my class last night that usually there are more women learning and showing up for the social dances than men. Gentlemen, take note.
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Post by cagedtiger on Jun 1, 2017 12:07:14 GMT -5
I know that a few members here have been known to cut a rug from time to time, so I thought this could be fun.
A friend of mine invited me to start joining her at a weekly salsa night at an area restaurant, and I've had so much fun the last couple of times, I've started an advanced beginner class being offered nearby. Anybody else ever done any salsa dancing?
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Post by cagedtiger on May 31, 2017 15:20:17 GMT -5
Whoa. +1 on reporting him, seriously. Glad you got out intact, without too much bs to deal with. I hate that it happened to begin with, though.
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Post by cagedtiger on May 28, 2017 21:04:05 GMT -5
Just how private was your divorce? How important is it to you, or your spouse to keep it private? Did you find out that people really don't care all that much? Has divorce become so common that it's no big deal anymore? Do you want others to know because you need the understanding, and comfort? While your spouse wants everything to remain like it is, perhaps so no one will find out there fake mask of one big ,model,loving, family, is anything but that? The fact that ,your spouce wants it so private, can that be to your advantage, when reaching a settlement? Once you're divorced, and want new friends, to start dating, how do you keep it private? Do you want the word out that you are available? Is it going to happen anyways, weather you want it to, or not? _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ My STBX gets to keep things pretty much the same. Same job, same house, (no for sale signs, moving, packing, cleaning, showing property, dealing with banks ,and realtors, no change of address) kids go to same school, same car, same furniture, grandpa still living with her, same insurance, same doctors,same stores, same repair people. Same church,although she goes less and less because people will see us no longer together. The few neighbors know, my STBX told them, "he filed first" like that really matters! Neighbors keep to themselves and so does she. Me... not so private. Lots of changes are going to happen. I have to keep a positive attitude, (while going through an all time low) that things will be better, for everyone. My STBX is still locked in the delusion that this isn't happening, that I'm 'not myself,' and that I'll eventually "come around" and start "behaving myself" again. It appears that my parents, or at the least my mom, have helped encourage this belief in her. As such, I have no clue what she's told the friends or her family on her side of this, nor do I particularly care, aside from a bit of annoyance that they're probably not getting anything close to a complete version of the truth. I have no desire to make a public spectacle, and she puts a massive amount of stock into appearances and what other people will think about things. As such, I've stepped away from our church, and haven't changed anything on my Facebook page, in terms of changing relationship status or posting anything about what's going on (not that I would to begin with). In fact, I've pretty much gone dark when it comes to my online social media presence. I've had a couple of family members start picking up on that, mostly due to the fact that neither of us has posted on our FB's anything to do with the other since, oh, probably our honeymoon a little over two years ago. My inner circle of closest friends have known pretty much everything since I started bringing them up to speed last summer, as I realized I'd become isolated from my network of support. They've been expecting a lot longer than I knew that I'd announce that we were going to divorce. I've only let people know that it's happening, because I've been re-establishing connections with people I care about.
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Post by cagedtiger on May 26, 2017 12:08:23 GMT -5
Divorce would be a lot less painful if my wife wasn't still buried in her delusions. True, my friend, true. However you are well due a time of self growth. Her delusions are no longer your problem. " " " " " " concern. Once these delusions, manipulative controlling actions and comments, DARVO re-occour, I have to set boundaries, defend myself ,put up my guard, again, and again. Mostly by being forceful and rude. Yea, I don't like it....it's not my nature. It really wears you down.....precisely what they want. My STBX says, "you interrupted me". I finally said, "yea... and you need to be interrupted, often! You twist and manipulate my words, and you need to show respect, and be held accountable!" She doesn't like that!! ( I should have done this 20 yrs ago) I have to stay, "STOP!!.....back up! I asked you a question, I made a statement, you are changing the subject, you are not going to answer it. I will make it simple. It was a yes or no type question. I will answer it for you. No, you do not mean this, NO ,you do not do this. Yes, you said this, yes you said that. NO, you did not consider, or listen to anyone else. Yes ,you put your self on a pedestal, you think your queen/king! Look what it's gotten you! No one wants to be around you anymore, including me!" You will most likely receive the silent treatment. They aren't used to being confronted, embarrassed, proven wrong, knocked off their pedestal, and put on a level playing field. In their mind, they are probably thinking of the next victim. Take comfort that it will no longer be you. No longer your problem, or concern. The healing has begun. About that... Check your PM's.
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Post by cagedtiger on May 26, 2017 10:15:34 GMT -5
Divorce would be a lot less painful if my wife wasn't still buried in her delusions.
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Post by cagedtiger on May 25, 2017 14:34:39 GMT -5
Not necessarily a bad idea to talk with a lawyer. I'd think of it less of "lawyering up" than educating yourself. An attorney will listen to your situation, explain the process, explain your rights, and your options...nothing more. It will then be your decision on how to or whether to proceed. I have a google spreadsheet that had the answer to every question THEY would ask me, and I only missed one thing. It would be a good idea to fill it out in advance since they will have you fill out their own forms, but having the information readily available will make it easy to answer their questions. If you are interested, let me know via PM and I will share it with you. I'm not quite out (32 days left), so it is still a work in progress. As far as what questions I asked depended upon my approach. After laying out my story (and remember, they are legal counsel, not a therapist), I mapped out how I'd want things to proceed and it turned into a conversation. This is what I've done every time I've spoken to my lawyer, and it's been incredibly helpful and more efficient.
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Post by cagedtiger on May 23, 2017 14:37:17 GMT -5
I do think it's enough to disqualify somebody from the dating pool. Just be up - front about that and I think it'll work out better for you.
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Post by cagedtiger on May 22, 2017 17:34:40 GMT -5
Go ahead. TRY and get this out of your head... Recognized the first image. Nope nope nope.
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Post by cagedtiger on May 22, 2017 17:30:10 GMT -5
I get to go dance to these guys in two weeks!
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Post by cagedtiger on May 18, 2017 8:29:40 GMT -5
RIP Chris Cornell
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Post by cagedtiger on May 17, 2017 14:33:19 GMT -5
Current mood:
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Post by cagedtiger on May 17, 2017 14:24:13 GMT -5
And here is another one .... for the sad people out there I wonder what kind of super guitarrists those two are going to raise. They're both spectacularly talented - saw them last year, and the show was amazing.
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