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Post by Isabellas39 on Feb 11, 2017 20:31:13 GMT -5
I am honestly typing this at a very bad time because today I feel like a raging lunatic. Please forgive me if I don't respond to all comments, sometimes just reading them is enough to help me get back on track. I am so very frustrated right now, and I honestly don't know why. Maybe it's because Valentine's Day is around the corner and that pisses me off a bit? Maybe it's because I would like to actually have a partner I can share a few romantic moments with ? Heck, I hope this is the right section for this topic. I wanted to know from those that are outsourcing, or dating what are some red flags you look for? Ladies, would you outsource with a pastor who confessed to masturbating and watching porn three times a week ( I didn't know he was a pastor when we first started chatting lol) ? Of course he says his wife rejects his advances most times, and then says that they shower almost every day together. Isn't that intimate ? Why is it that I have a hard time believing a refuser would get naked in the shower with her spouse ? I have such a hard time figuring out outsourcing. I have done it before, but trust was so hard and it still is. How do you overcome that ? How long do you talk to someone before meeting ? Do you then wait a few months before intimacy ? I just want to have a general idea about what is expected . Bball, how do I get some of your confidence ? Thanks all in advance
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Post by Isabellas39 on Jan 13, 2017 15:49:08 GMT -5
We've had different bedrooms for a few years .
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Post by Isabellas39 on Jan 9, 2017 15:31:18 GMT -5
My affair has shown me how important certain qualities in a mate are to me... It has also shown me how much I settle, and how much I undervalue myself. It is hard because some men seem to believe that in an affair they can treat you like an afterthought, and I've allowed it to happen in my affair... It then makes me mad ! Mad because I thought when I got married my husband would fill my need for intimacy.... It makes me so sad, and then I wallow in self pity...When things go wrong in my attempt to outsource I start thinking that maybe I am the problem. Maybe my need for conversation, romance, and passion is unreasonable. I then blame it all on my weight because in my mind when you look a certain way men value you more..Yes, I know I'm messed up !
It did not make my marriage better or worse. I at least knew that I wouldn't go an entire year sexless, so that in itself helped some...
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Post by Isabellas39 on Jan 9, 2017 9:42:07 GMT -5
Loved reading your update, and I wish you all the best going forward !
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Post by Isabellas39 on Jan 7, 2017 14:39:28 GMT -5
My husband is playful at times just not in a sexual way...
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Post by Isabellas39 on Jan 4, 2017 13:46:41 GMT -5
Amen, GC! Take a bow, my friend. Your work here is done today. ;-) You thought you were giving advice to Isabellas39? I needed to hear this too. Big time. Thanks fella. I plan on working on my exit plan starting now...I do think about the example I'm setting, and I know it's not a very healthy one .
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Post by Isabellas39 on Jan 4, 2017 12:39:20 GMT -5
It freaks me out that my husband can tell me he loves me everyday sometimes three or four times, and we've not had sex in years ...Honestly, this makes me want to pull all my hair out because I don't get it at all.. It freaks me out that I got married at 25 and it's been sexless for all of my 30's, and this year I turn 40.. That scares the shit out of me thinking that I could be in this sexless mess for another decade.. Why be in it for another decade? My H will say he loves me too. I guess his definition of love is different than mine. I'm learning to be OK with that and just accept that we're not right for each other, never were, and it's high time for both of us to move on. This Christmas was the first time I thought it would be nice if he could find a woman who could love him the way he needs (you know, with lots of beer and TV, but very little sex). There have to be women out there like that, right? He deserves love too. Hoping you find a way out so you can enjoy lots of sex in your 40s! I agree completely! My son is 13 and I guess I'm on the college plan. Sometimes, I think I can't wait that long and I need to start planning my exit now. It's getting more and more depressing.. It's just a waste being married and sleeping alone, zero intimacy, and zero romance..
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Post by Isabellas39 on Jan 4, 2017 12:21:31 GMT -5
It freaks me out that my husband can tell me he loves me everyday sometimes three or four times, and we've not had sex in years ...Honestly, this makes me want to pull all my hair out because I don't get it at all..
It freaks me out that I got married at 25 and it's been sexless for all of my 30's, and this year I turn 40.. That scares the shit out of me thinking that I could be in this sexless mess for another decade..
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Post by Isabellas39 on Dec 25, 2016 15:00:00 GMT -5
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Post by Isabellas39 on Dec 5, 2016 21:31:01 GMT -5
I have always tried to live without regrets, but I have a few if I'm truly honest with myself. I honestly believe that fear is a big reason so many of us stay...Fear of the unknown! There are things I worry about now that seemed effortless when I was single. I think the longer I remain in limbo the harder it is to get unstuck, and be the woman I want to be..
Like you, I know I couldn't live a life without intimacy...I admire your fighting spirit !
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Post by Isabellas39 on Dec 4, 2016 17:09:21 GMT -5
My favorite would have to be gingerbread cookies !! Yummm
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Post by Isabellas39 on Dec 4, 2016 17:04:54 GMT -5
I know you don't like snow, but that's a beautiful picture !
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Post by Isabellas39 on Dec 3, 2016 11:27:42 GMT -5
Interesting, I haven't paid much attention to the lyrics..I will definitely listen more carefully next time I hear it .
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Post by Isabellas39 on Dec 2, 2016 12:50:46 GMT -5
I'm not sure how this helps ....In any case, the last time would have been very early on in my marriage..It worked because he was a willing participant who wanted the same thing I did at the time...It doesn't work now now because he has no interest, and I ran out of patience ..I no longer have any interest in teaching a grown man how to please me, or where to touch me..If at his age he's forgotten then that's his issue.
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Post by Isabellas39 on Dec 1, 2016 21:03:23 GMT -5
I haven't read all the responses, so forgive me if I'm repeating something.. I do understand your dilemma, but I think the fact that you don't have any kids together helps... I agree it's hard to leave something that's not working, but isn't this a damn expensive friendship ? The time spent just settling for a relationship that doesn't satisfy an important need you can never get again.That time is gone forever! Eventually, this changes who you are and you look in the mirror and can barely recognize the person looking back at you.. My husband is a great friend, but with each year that passes by it gets harder. I miss so much about being in an intimate relationship . I miss simply cuddling and kissing while watching a movie...Teasing each other knowing that it may lead to so much more..Staying in a SM just leaves you empty.
You seem concerned about what others may think...Are they living your life ? You have to choose what's best for you. Settling because it's our comfort zone, and allowing fear to keep you stuck is no way to live. You know what you can expect if you stay, but leaving at least gives you the opportunity to seek more ...In the end it's up to you, but make sure your decision is based on what you want and not about what others may think....
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