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Post by petrushka on Sept 23, 2016 5:54:58 GMT -5
SO eternaloptimism , just how bad a stoner is this guy of yours? I was quietly wondering this: if the guy is really all that incompetent - then maybe this is not fake, maybe it's an honest attempt by him but - this is as well as he can do. (And that's not a redeeming feature at all.) His attempts and attitude, in the end, just don't cut the mustard. He really sounds about as useful as tits on a bull. In which case one really could hardly make a case for staying. I mean, seriously: some people are just so hopeless, there's no point to trying to have an adult relationship with them, be it because they're stuck in infancy or be it that they are living with their head in the pink clouds or whatever. I know a few guys who start with their first joint before breakfast and reach double figures as the day goes on and ...... passes them by. A friend of mine was married to one of those. When I initially met them they were both teachers, taking turn and turn about teaching for a year, and taking time out. Years later she was working, coming home, looking after 4 kids, milking the goats, feeding the dog, baking bread and cookies, doing the dishes, cleaning the house, and he was sitting on the couch. Smoking dope. She finally gave him an ultimatum. He tried to stop, but could not bear it "because the colours were too bright, the sunlight was too harsh, the noises too grating" ... in other words reality was just too unpleasant for him with outbeing stoned. She'd split, gone back to him, but he didn't last, and in the end she walked. Some folk you just can't do anything with.
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Post by petrushka on Sept 23, 2016 5:28:51 GMT -5
{{HUGS}}
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Post by petrushka on Sept 22, 2016 16:25:47 GMT -5
Jeanie, I am not inspired, and I won't congratulate you for being dumped ... I feel sad for you. Getting dumped hurts, never mind if you're getting dumped by a wonderful person or by an idiot, who doesn't care enough for you.
{{big hug}} my commiserations.
Hopefully you'll meet someone who doesn't have their head up their arse, some time in the future. Sooner the better <winks>
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Post by petrushka on Sept 22, 2016 1:29:39 GMT -5
must .. remember .. to .. get .. a .. whiteboard For me, by me. Actually, currently lists get made on the back of an envelope. There always seem to be enough bills coming in - although it's all shifting to email 'cause they are too tight to spend money on stamps. Incidentally, wewbwb ,that dialogue really reminds me of communication here when my wife has a p-a streak. Just doesn't want to commit to anything. Will not let on if she wants chicken or beef for dinner, and the 'you don't have to do that right now' thing as well. <grins> Having said that, my w. is the one who always wants to go out and do stuff herself. Only comes to me to find out how it's done when she doesn't know (or if it involves questions of left vs. right or clockwise vs. counterclockwise). But she's a demon with my cordless drills. And the bandsaw. And the air tools. Spanners are a problem (see above). :-D
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Post by petrushka on Sept 22, 2016 1:11:52 GMT -5
What the Tigger said .... you have to look after yourself, after your emotional equilibrium.
Don't feel bad about it: it's necessary. (it's the reason why therapists have therapists LoL).
hugs, -P.
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Post by petrushka on Sept 21, 2016 14:21:06 GMT -5
Um yeah .... he seems to think he lives in Saudi Arabia.
So now we can add 'completely delusional' to all the other mental problems. I wonder if he's moving into psychosis country, his behaviour is so far 'out there'.
It might be a good idea to take out a non-molestation order and/or a restraining order against him, to secure and document your legal status as well as discredit him in the eyes of "the law" (i.e. cops, social services, whomever else he will try to do his work for him).
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Post by petrushka on Sept 21, 2016 3:01:36 GMT -5
Just one?! Ugh...Van Halen, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC...too many. Fine. I have driven 100mph more than once listening to this one. Wow, colour me impressed. I'm pretty sure you do not have 100mph speed limit roads over there? I am so .... tame. I used to speed when you could see the cop car with the microwave gun hanging out the side window from a km away. These days, they have something like a dash-cam that gives your speed and you never know what's coming over the next hill or around the next corner. Lots of hills, lots of blind corners. I just don't want to give those pricks all my money. Someone breaks in and cleans out your house? They can't come, no time. Some drunk driver t-bones you 200m from the cop shop? They're too busy to attend. (that made the paper even, because the boned was the wife of the local member of parliament) But they just love hanging out where there's a straight bit of road where you have the chance of overtaking the slowpokes. That they have time for. Oh and shooting people. There's been a spate of that over here lately, too. And they want more guns, to go shooting people with. So I set the cruise control to the speed limit and just steer the coach around the corners. Doesn't matter what's playing on the radio. I get to hang on to my cash. Sorry, Boys in Blue.
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Post by petrushka on Sept 21, 2016 2:46:45 GMT -5
Look, apart from 4-5 other spouses (like Tamara's) Mr. Darktipp is one of the worst abusers I've run across in 7 years on EP and here.
Controlling. Constantly putting her down. Gaslighting. Criticizing and rubbishing Every.Single.Thing.She.Does.
Not to mention he's an adherent of what I take to be the most misogynist religion currently on the planet, and has as I recall expressed sympathy for the lunatic fringe of said religion, i.e. IS (a.k.a.ISIL, a.k.a. ISIS). Which, quite frankly, removes him from the group membership of sane or ethical humanity as far as I am concerned.
He's an angry man, nutty as a fruitcake, beyond reasoning with. There is NOTHING, in my not so humble opinion, that will resolve this other than zip code therapy or a 2x4 to the back of the head, applied with sufficient momentum. Rose, so long as that creep has access to you, nothing will improve. He will not change. You will not get love, affection, or validation from that sad sack.
There is no point in trying to change yourself to placate him - because he will immediately find something else to bitch about: that is simply his M.O. All you can really do is ignore the pratt and try to live your life as you see fit. And get the hell out as soon as you can .....
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Post by petrushka on Sept 20, 2016 20:26:28 GMT -5
itsjustus : a great post. I can totally empathize with mountainrunner. That example with person A and person B in a support group, and the misguided moderator (leader to use the quoted word) really says it all - it is a point very very well made. I know the moderators meant well, but unfortunately they created a whole new issue over a minor disagreement, one, ironically, that was already resolved. There was barely what I'd call 'robust' discussion going on. The intervention pissed off a number of people. I had a brief exchange with Helen, she gave me much the same response ... she left because the intervention gave her the feeling that she was not allowed to interact freely (a 'la person B). I was seriously considering walking out, for the same reason as mountainrunner. JMX : great post, thank you thank you thank you. The voice of reason ... I think you called it really really well. There was/is nobody here who needs the mods to intervene on their behalf - except to be shown where the 'block xxx' button is, come to that. Further to this: I see the O.P's reaction to @greatcostal . Does he need intervention because she cut him off at the knees when he tried to engage her? Something like that happened to me months ago when she totally misconstrued one of my posts and when I tried to engage her, politely, respectfully, saying that I thought she might have misread me - her reply was one word 'no' and she then went on to slag me off in another thread --- did I need support from the mods? No. I simply plonked her in the bit bucket - yes, I did - because I decided she was not actually interested in engaging in discussion with people of diverging opinions. I did not need intervention, thanks. The tools are there, even if they be what @jms said: scroll to the bottom of the page and ignore that person. I do not even need the mods to make sure I get the respect I think I deserve as a person. Thanks, I can look after myself. On the other hand, calling someone a feminazi in an abusive personal message is completely out of line. If/when/where that happened I never saw anything published about it on the forum, sadly; I would have waded in to that with a swinging bat - abuse is not ok. Lastly: some people WILL cut off their toes with an axe to make the shoe fit. This is not a barb aimed at those who just left. But it happens. Oh dear, how sad, never mind to quote a certain Welsh actor in a long ago British tv sitcom. A respectful question by one may be seen as personal attack by someone else. Ultimately its down to the attacked to take appropriate measures and it's up to a supportive community to support. Which, in my perception, is how it has always played out in the past. This is a pretty damn good group of people in that respect. On a personal note: I am currently riding in the open door of the tram. The actions by the moderators may have been a well-meaning MAJOR gaffe, but it's changed the climate. Some of you seem to have struck up successful 'behind the scenes' friendships here, which is wonderful; I have not managed to do so, and so there's little holding me. Taking it one day at a time....
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Post by petrushka on Sept 19, 2016 3:40:41 GMT -5
oh, oops, I thought it said 250k pound in the article. Not 475 ...
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Post by petrushka on Sept 18, 2016 20:03:41 GMT -5
My favourite Confucius quote (off a university toilet wall naturally):
Confucius say: "Swinging chain indicate warm seat."
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Post by petrushka on Sept 18, 2016 19:57:21 GMT -5
XE.com will give you up-to-date exchange rates. You'd be looking at US$310,000 there. 450K NZ$. Cheap at the price if it were in Auckland, NZ (or Vancouver, I guess).
Looks like a nice enough place, provided you don't have busted knees ....
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Post by petrushka on Sept 17, 2016 20:42:00 GMT -5
Definitely yes. When she goes to bed I take my clothes off and snuggle up to her and I get cuddled while she is reading ... later I get up again, and when I come to bed around 2 am she usually snuggles up to me or even wraps herself around me, half asleep. And usually a few hugs and kisses during the day.
When we had The Talk (by now 7 years ago) and I said that the total lack of physical affection made me deeply unhappy, she appears to have listened. And, maybe less than I do, but nevertheless she seems to be enjoying it too.
I don't think I'd still be here if there had been no change.
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Post by petrushka on Sept 17, 2016 15:02:56 GMT -5
oh well done the thought police
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Post by petrushka on Sept 17, 2016 6:47:34 GMT -5
Is that really what happened? Posts were expunged by a third party?
I would be, in a word, appalled.
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