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Post by Chatter Fox on Sept 17, 2016 19:30:04 GMT -5
Just curious... those of us here are severely lacking in the bedroom, but I wonder how many of us get at least SOME physical affection. If you are in a SM or were in one, did you at least get some casual snuggling? I find ALL kinds of physical affection to be lacking for me. I'm a snuggly dude so I really miss that stuff in addition to the sex.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2016 19:58:59 GMT -5
None. I was just reminiscing with a fellow ILIASM friend about the times when I'd lay on the couch, put my legs and feet in his lap. He would massage them or just lightly touch. Those days are gone, sadly, because my husband is a big teddy bear type, but apparently loathes touching me. I get a series of quick kisses in the morning before he leaves for work. Woop. Dee. Doo. 😒
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2016 20:03:46 GMT -5
No we pretty much had no physical affection. And we never will. Once after we were divorced when I went over to walk the dog, my ex was in bed and she said come here and lie down. Now, I was in my current deal at the time, so I felt a little guilty but my expectation proved accurate. She wasn't trying to seduce me, and we didn't even cuddle. We just lay there side by side in our clothes for a bit and I think just fell asleep.
Yeah weird I know. We both have feelings still but we know it's over. Sometimes when I see her I even joke about are we going to have sex and she just rolls her eyes but sometimes she does laugh.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Sept 17, 2016 20:03:51 GMT -5
No. In the early years we'd snuggle in bed, but nowhere else. Near the end we almost never touched each other at all.
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Post by petrushka on Sept 17, 2016 20:42:00 GMT -5
Definitely yes. When she goes to bed I take my clothes off and snuggle up to her and I get cuddled while she is reading ... later I get up again, and when I come to bed around 2 am she usually snuggles up to me or even wraps herself around me, half asleep. And usually a few hugs and kisses during the day.
When we had The Talk (by now 7 years ago) and I said that the total lack of physical affection made me deeply unhappy, she appears to have listened. And, maybe less than I do, but nevertheless she seems to be enjoying it too.
I don't think I'd still be here if there had been no change.
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Post by baza on Sept 17, 2016 21:43:07 GMT -5
Nah. Back in the day, the last 5 years or so there was no touching. In fact there was overt avoidance of touching, by us both.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 17, 2016 21:47:50 GMT -5
Well, the first ten years the 100% giving received about a 50% return. But that's what givers do. The next ten years the giving dropped to about a fluctuating 50 to 75 % with a 10% return. The last four years giving took on a more ceremonial, eroding, eery approach. With a 1% return. Yet the desire for 100% giving is still there!
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Post by warmways on Sept 17, 2016 22:27:59 GMT -5
I was the primary giver all 16 years and gradually my energy to give to a taker is dissipating to zero. I no long want to hug and now he just wants a morning and evening hug which j give him but I hope to eventually stop as its beginning to feel disingenuous.
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Post by tamara68 on Sept 18, 2016 2:44:45 GMT -5
The last 10 or 12 years no touch at all. Both avoiding it. He even objected if I was too close to him without touch.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 18, 2016 6:11:30 GMT -5
I told our therapist from the beginning , (over two years ago) that I get far more love, snuggles, attention,and respect from the dog.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2016 6:47:14 GMT -5
I told our therapist from the beginning , (over two years ago) that I get far more love, snuggles, attention,and respect from the dog. Yup LOL.
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Post by ggold on Sept 18, 2016 7:46:50 GMT -5
Just curious... those of us here are severely lacking in the bedroom, but I wonder how many of us get at least SOME physical affection. If you are in a SM or were in one, did you at least get some casual snuggling? I find ALL kinds of physical affection to be lacking for me. I'm a snuggly dude so I really miss that stuff in addition to the sex. I get NONE!!! Don't want it now. In the past, some. He was affectionate at the beginning of our relationship. It declined through the years. Most I would get was a peck on lips or cheek. I am totally an affectionate woman. Love snuggling, cuddling, kissing, etc. I have been starving for affection for years. So sad. :-(
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Post by ggold on Sept 18, 2016 7:48:08 GMT -5
I told our therapist from the beginning , (over two years ago) that I get far more love, snuggles, attention,and respect from the dog. So pathetic. Me too. My dog loves me. She wags her tail and give me kisses!!!
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 18, 2016 7:53:45 GMT -5
None. My ex was intimacy averse.
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Post by becca on Sept 18, 2016 11:45:52 GMT -5
Very little snuggling. He will kiss me on the cheek once in awhile. Lately though, the past two weeks, I have woken up several times to him rubbing my thigh or my bare stomach. I believe he is asleep but we don't so much as touch toes any more so it surprises me. It makes me angry that my body responds so quickly but I don't act on it. It will more than likely end up in rejection. After so many years of complete neglect, don't start that now. Just...no.
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