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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 26, 2016 1:21:22 GMT -5
I'm starting counseling. It starts for real, not just the Q & A this saturday. I'm looking forward to it. Some days are just harder than others. I don't know why. Sometimes its just random.
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 25, 2016 18:37:07 GMT -5
i have no idea. I was wanting a divorce when the kidz get older. But since my husband is controlling, I know he'll stoop pretty low to keep the kidz from me. He doesn't want to pay childsupport on 3 more kidz. He has 2 older children that he pays for.
i guess I can pray for him to drop dead sometime in the future.
I have no idea.
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 25, 2016 18:29:36 GMT -5
try joining a dance class. It gives you a goal, focus and lets you get out of your head for a while. Its also great for confidence.
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 25, 2016 18:23:34 GMT -5
Most of the time I'm good. I walk on egg shells. I avoid conflict (I'm horrible with confrontation. I freeze up and people scream at me like I'm stupid). We happily ignore each other and its all good.
but some days, are just bad. It seems like its all just too much and I hide in the bathroom and cry. I force myself to not make too much noise so my roommates don't suspect anything and report me.
the pain and the loneliness are too much. I don't really have a lot of female friends. the only females I've befriended have either stabbed me in the back, or they want to marry/f**k my husband. SO i kind of avoid any real life friendships.
my grandma enjoys political and religious debates with my husband. blah blah blah.
If i talk to my grandma, she either gets an upset stomach or she kind of understands my husbands POV. If I tell my aunt, she gets mad. If I tell me great aunt then she just tells me how she knows I can do everything by myself. She doesn't understand how hard and complicated everything really is.
Some days like today, the pain just feels crippling. but I have to pretend that theres nothing wrong.
How do you guys handle days like today?
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Lost
Apr 24, 2016 0:57:09 GMT -5
Post by darktippedrose on Apr 24, 2016 0:57:09 GMT -5
What's bugging me when I log into EP after "the end," is that I have 3 notifications, but I can't see them. Probably something to do with the exchange I had in which I was slandered as a slut. I'm so sorry you were dealing with some slandering. thats never fun. but yes I miss EP. and I'm not going there. whats the point really? thats just like teasing myself. but I truly miss it.
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 23, 2016 1:25:35 GMT -5
I'm feeling kind of lost without EP. I miss my friends, the different conversations. It was my solace. It was one of the few places where I could truly be myself.
EP is gonna be missed.
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 22, 2016 0:02:44 GMT -5
lol. nice.
she was a bit of a moral Nazi
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 21, 2016 18:37:20 GMT -5
she got what was coming. She deleted so many of my groups and some of my cough cough, more mature stories on EP
its hurts doesn't it Allie?
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 21, 2016 16:16:07 GMT -5
I would like to add that many women under 50 experience a sexless marriage. I've known younger women whos husbands or bfs have been rejecting them since they got married as a teenager. or as soon as they had a baby together.
I'm 32 and my husband started rejecting me after 2 weeks of marriage, but it didn't get really bad until I was 25.
And some women who are in their 50s, have been enduring this problem for a VERY long time. its rarely a sudden problem.
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 20, 2016 0:58:56 GMT -5
I'm hoping the new experience project site will work out soon. but this is a great place for my sexless marriage part.
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 19, 2016 17:28:47 GMT -5
I'm not sure I'd even bring my husband to a support group. Hes really good with his words. he knows what to say and how to say it to make you feel utterly stupid. When he uses it on other people, they are eating out of his hand in no time.
one of the few times I said anything, I was 25 or 26 I think, he teased me saying I was too old to want sex. That I used to not be able to go 4 days without it. How come you don't want it anymore.
I said because he wouldn't stop rejecting me.
He turned around so fast and said that is a lie.
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 12, 2016 17:13:25 GMT -5
that is difficult to say. some women want sex more than men. nature be damned.
its a stereotypee there are more women online that have been refused. for whatever reason.
a lot of women that I know of get refused a lot. my cousin, shes in her early 20s and MOST of her friends get refused a lot by their boyfriends.
so like I said. screw the stereotypes of what is and isn't supposed to be.
it is what it is.
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 11, 2016 19:06:25 GMT -5
yes, my body most definitely did change. after my kidz i started getting hormonal weight gains. no exercise could change it what so ever. Then when my refuser started cheating and had wanted another wife, I gained a lot of weight. my weight has gone down and its gone up a lot now. more than I'd like to admit. my great great aunt though is helping me with some vitamins to help with my energy and stamina. Basically, I'm so stressed that I have too much inflammation. so ..... soon I'l be taking turmeric with black pepper for inflammation and a crap load of B vitamins. I have 3 kidz with autism and my husband doesn't help much with that. So yes, stress from being ignored, stress from kidz, etc. I am hoping to turn my health around. Doctors have NOT been helping what so ever. Test after test after test showed nothing. That sounds like a lot of stress. I'm sure that the Doctors not being able to help is depressing also. But stay strong and be as healthy as you can. (he said lighting a cigarette) And know we are here for you. lol thanx. yes this is my 3erd? day taking my B vitamins. and I can really tell a diff. but i'm still taking my exercise slow. i don't want to overdo it so to speak. I want to gradually increase it
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 7, 2016 16:21:20 GMT -5
I'm shorter than my husband. He's 5'11" and 5'2". I'm short and chubby and hes long and lanky. My husband isn't compatible with mine because he couldn't stand my white people skin and white people hair. I have too much body heat I like to have close contact in bed, he doesn't. He wants to sprawl sideways. He doesn't need or crave cuddling and embracing like I do.
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 7, 2016 16:11:34 GMT -5
My husband is a bit racist. And he's made lots of back handed comments like that on and off throughout the marriage. he says I'm racist. Like I said he's very racist and can't get over a lot of stuff. Hes in denial. I'm not searching for it. It came up shortly after we got married but he played it off as a cultural difference. If your husband cannot accept you for who you are, then you really are better off without him. This goes beyond that of a SM, but deeper issues of discrimination due to race and culture. To love someone, is to love that person for who they are; race and origin should have nothing to do with it. IMHO I agree. I did not find out the REAL reason that he married me until maybe 8 or so years after we got married. (my marriage was arranged, if that makes a diff)
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