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Post by pheonix25 on Sept 30, 2018 22:14:51 GMT -5
This time last year Sister pheonix25 you gave him the big ultimatum, gave him 6 months to get his act together or you were going to divorce him on April 9th 2018. It looked like a solid plan you had. Now, it's 12 months on from your ultimatum, and 6 months since your deadline expired. What went awry with that plan in October 2017 ? Just life. We have a child together and neither of us really have any outside support as far as family or friends to babysit. Not to mention our income and debt are both so tied together. I honestly feel like leaving will greatly reduce the quality of life for my son at this time and I'm just not willing to do that for the sake of my own happiness.
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Post by JMX on Sept 30, 2018 22:39:53 GMT -5
Girl, I feel you. I even had sex just this morning with Mr. JMX. It was... not great. He got horny for the second time this year (I attacked him on the other two) which made for a whopping four times (Jan. - Sept. 30th).
This morning’s morning sex was wrought with anxiety and fear that I smelled because when it happens - I never think it’s going to happen, so I am not properly showered and ready. It was 5:30 am - and I still insisted on getting up, brushing my teeth, etc.
I worked a full day yesterday and stopped grooming the nethers - because? Why bother?
It lasted for *maybe* 5 minutes. I *maybe* got a penetration half-orgasm. Disappointing. But, because I am not a cranky morning person, I did not complain. I lapped it up.
Fuck that.
My sexual peak is being wasted on someone that cannot even feign to try and make me cum.
If you cannnot or will not leave, an affair may be an excellent choice. I am starting to think that way.
Might require more bathing and more trimming though.
Mind the bush!
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Post by ironhamster on Sept 30, 2018 22:47:31 GMT -5
I don't know what your husband's take on outsourcing is, but I hope he feels the same way about quality of life for your son. If not, I hope you are careful until such a time as you have an escape plan in place.
When I told my stbx, she said she was going to file for divorce because it was the only way she could live with integrity. She had no response regarding the integrity she displayed by never wanting me. I had wanted to stay three more years until my youngest was out of the house.
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Post by baza on Oct 1, 2018 0:40:32 GMT -5
This time last year Sister pheonix25 you gave him the big ultimatum, gave him 6 months to get his act together or you were going to divorce him on April 9th 2018. It looked like a solid plan you had. Now, it's 12 months on from your ultimatum, and 6 months since your deadline expired. What went awry with that plan in October 2017 ? Just life. We have a child together and neither of us really have any outside support as far as family or friends to babysit. Not to mention our income and debt are both so tied together. I honestly feel like leaving will greatly reduce the quality of life for my son at this time and I'm just not willing to do that for the sake of my own happiness. That's what runs us into trouble sometimes - giving an ultimatum as a bluff. The bluff gets called, you shred your cred, and educate your spouse that you don't necessarily need to be taken seriously. And that makes it tougher to actually bring the thing to resolution. Are you set on the cheating option now Sister pheonix25 ? That is an extremely adventurous option - invariably a game changer prone to fly off at unpredictable tangents - and could easily result in the collapse of your primary relationship (which presumably now is NOT what you want). Please check it out fully, and think it through from every angle. Lots can go wrong. It's not something you want to go into on a whim. Its' every bit as serious as the divorce option....and oftentimes that's exactly what it leads to.
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Post by saarinista on Oct 2, 2018 23:40:32 GMT -5
yeah, i have to agree.. As ive recently contemplated an affair, its not a simple thing-at least not a "good" and "safe" affair. for one thing , like many, I don't want to just randomly copulate with any person. I'd have to respect them and they'd have to meet cetain grooming standards and other compatibility criteria. 😞 Not easy to find!
secondly, it would be better to have an affair with another married person, but that's even harder to find.
thirdly, i might fall in love. but falling in love with an affair partner is not the same as falling in love after a divorce. what if the affair guy and i got divorced and married each other and it didnt work out? That kind of scenario would ruin my whole day.
despite the dangers, i can envision cirumstances under which an affair could be an advisable option, especially for those who can separate love from sex. But not everyone is good at that. Everyone and every situation is different.
You have to be careful. unfortunately.
Personally, i think that the UN or WHO (not NATO or the G-7) should internationally sanction one or two days annually on which everyone can screw anyone they wish with no repercussions. A sexual "Purge" if you will. We probably won't get a lot of buy in from the Middle East, but that's their choice.
Compared to my current situatiom, one day annually of hot sex would get me through life. I know who I'd be doing it with, too,assuming his nation bought into the Sexual Purge Day pact. Alas, i dont see this becoming a reality in the near future. But a girl can dream, can't she? 😩
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Post by MarianCali on Oct 3, 2018 12:59:41 GMT -5
I started feeling that way last year too. I've been a wife and mom for so long I forgot about myself. Then I had an accidental fling last year that woke me like no other. It wasn't the first fling I had but it really opened my eyes as what I'm doing with my life. It gave me so much confidence and some guilt (as to who it was not the actual acts). I started going out with friends more and even had my first trip ALONE this year to visit a friend. That trip was soooo needed I have no idea why I hadn't done it sooner. I was ME again and it was so freeing. I think about leaving all the time but I'm not ready yet.
I haven't had a full on affair (yet) but the last fling and I have been keeping on contact. It's really nice to think someone out there is thinking of you and wants you. I still get giddy when he text or sends me a video. I've tried finding local AP to no success. I'm just old school and prefer to meet people face to face. I just don't go out enough to make this happen. I'm pretty sure my H knows I've been recently unfaithful but I think he's in the don't ask don't tell category. I actually told him last year I was going to get some so it shouldn't be a surprise. I guess that is why I felt comfortable giving my last fling my phone number. If you can manage to separate the emotional/physical aspect and you should be ok.
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Post by shamwow on Oct 3, 2018 13:04:28 GMT -5
yeah, i have to agree.. As ive recently contemplated an affair, its not a simple thing-at least not a "good" and "safe" affair. for one thing , like many, I don't want to just randomly copulate with any person. I'd have to respect them and they'd have to meet cetain grooming standards and other compatibility criteria. 😞 Not easy to find! secondly, it would be better to have an affair with another married person, but that's even harder to find. thirdly, i might fall in love. but falling in love with an affair partner is not the same as falling in love after a divorce. what if the affair guy and i got divorced and married each other and it didnt work out? That kind of scenario would ruin my whole day. despite the dangers, i can envision cirumstances under which an affair could be an advisable option, especially for those who can separate love from sex. But not everyone is good at that. Everyone and every situation is different. You have to be careful. unfortunately. Personally, i think that the UN or WHO (not NATO or the G-7) should internationally sanction one or two days annually on which everyone can screw anyone they wish with no repercussions. A sexual "Purge" if you will. We probably won't get a lot of buy in from the Middle East, but that's their choice. Compared to my current situatiom, one day annually of hot sex would get me through life. I know who I'd be doing it with, too,assuming his nation bought into the Sexual Purge Day pact. Alas, i dont see this becoming a reality in the near future. But a girl can dream, can't she? 😩 Is it optional or required that you have to wear a creepy mask and have lots of guns? Would we have to pray to our new founding fathers? What about founding MILFs? I'm sorry to say, but I believe your plan needs to be a bit better "fleshed" out.
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Post by flashjohn on Oct 3, 2018 15:58:35 GMT -5
This time last year Sister pheonix25 you gave him the big ultimatum, gave him 6 months to get his act together or you were going to divorce him on April 9th 2018. It looked like a solid plan you had. Now, it's 12 months on from your ultimatum, and 6 months since your deadline expired. What went awry with that plan in October 2017 ? Just life. We have a child together and neither of us really have any outside support as far as family or friends to babysit. Not to mention our income and debt are both so tied together. I honestly feel like leaving will greatly reduce the quality of life for my son at this time and I'm just not willing to do that for the sake of my own happiness. I can certainly understand your reasoning. I did not leave my refuser because I was afraid of the effects on my daughters. If it is only finances that are stopping you, that is only temporary. I hope you have a good job or are doing something to increase your earning power. As for your son, he is getting older and it may be easier for you to find childcare while you work.
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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 3, 2018 17:15:45 GMT -5
JMXMy mind read "Mind the bush!" In the mind the gap British voice. Haha
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Post by workingonit on Oct 3, 2018 17:55:37 GMT -5
JMXMy mind read "Mind the bush!" In the mind the gap British voice. Haha Me too!!
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Post by javba on Oct 4, 2018 9:26:05 GMT -5
Sounds exactly like my household. As long as my son is good and I keep on in hously duties and such he doesnt pay me any mind. I've been doing more for me... going out with friends, getting mani pedis, working on my health.... i just still feel this gaping hole in me. I clean, I cook, I wash the clothes, I iron, I take the kids out, I have a housekeeper(too), I fly us around the world first class to amazing places, I buy nice cars, I pay all bills, I let my wife have her career and the need to spend 14 or 15 hours every day out the home with never a question or argument from me ..... and yet I’m lucky if my wife gives me a peck on my cheek when she leaves for work! so recently I decided to do more for me! I feel liberated. She has not even noticed. I now realise I too have a hole and question how I fill it! I empathise .... Proud of you DrNO, see what happens when you say YES, things LOOK UP.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 4, 2018 9:37:26 GMT -5
Bruh... be ready for dimension bending shifts to the relationship dynamics when you follow through on this sentiment. But it is the path you must choose. Dont be surprised when you are accused of having a lover. Mark my words. Sounds exactly like my household. As long as my son is good and I keep on in hously duties and such he doesnt pay me any mind. I've been doing more for me... going out with friends, getting mani pedis, working on my health.... i just still feel this gaping hole in me. I clean, I cook, I wash the clothes, I iron, I take the kids out, I have a housekeeper(too), I fly us around the world first class to amazing places, I buy nice cars, I pay all bills, I let my wife have her career and the need to spend 14 or 15 hours every day out the home with never a question or argument from me ..... and yet I’m lucky if my wife gives me a peck on my cheek when she leaves for work! so recently I decided to do more for me! I feel liberated. She has not even noticed. I now realise I too have a hole and question how I fill it! I empathise ....
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 4, 2018 12:15:31 GMT -5
When I was in my sm, I felt lost and irritated until I decided to pay attention to myself. I had to figure out by experimentation what would make me happy. I ended up finding a spiritual path, taking acting, dance and singing classes, working out and reaching out to people whom I found interesting and wanted to be friends with. I did these things in my mid to late 50s.
I became the kind of interesting, gregarious person I’d always admired and my life became very independent of my h’s. One day, I woke up and realized I had outgrown him and was ready to divorce. I divorced him with no angst and with lots of support from my new friends.
While I think people in sm are entitled to have affairs, I think it’s a mistake to assume an affair will fill the hole in your life. Whether or not you have an affair, to be fulfilled you need to do things that make you a person whom you are happy to be around.
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Post by flounder on Oct 4, 2018 18:08:29 GMT -5
When I was in my sm, I felt lost and irritated until I decided to pay attention to myself. I had to figure out by experimentation what would make me happy. I ended up finding a spiritual path, taking acting, dance and singing classes, working out and reaching out to people whom I found interesting and wanted to be friends with. I did these things in my mid to late 50s. I became the kind of interesting, gregarious person I’d always admired and my life became very independent of my h’s. One day, I woke up and realized I had outgrown him and was ready to divorce. I divorced him with no angst and with lots of support from my new friends. While I think people in sm are entitled to have affairs, I think it’s a mistake to assume an affair will fill the hole in your life. Whether or not you have an affair, to be fulfilled you need to do things that make you a person whom you are happy to be around. This. If you can’t love yourself,you can’t love someone else.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2018 3:42:44 GMT -5
This. If you can’t love yourself,you can’t love someone else. Sometimes, though, you need the love of someone else to learn how to love yourself.
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