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Post by brian on Jan 21, 2018 23:20:23 GMT -5
Yes, you are bang on there. There is only one thing worse than no sex, and that is being refused and having no sex. So if you never ask you’ll never be refused. Easier said than done but well worth the effort. Why not ask someone who will say YES. I ask just for the humorous responses and excuses. I never expect sex. I never expect anything even remotely sexual, but dammit, I’m still going to have fun playing with the excuses.
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Post by solodriver on Jan 22, 2018 2:31:03 GMT -5
I used to. Not anymore. I am over it. I no longer initiate any type of physical contact with him. I however do not typically say no to him either. He will on occasion initiate sex but it is not enjoyable. He has no desire to please anyone but himself. He is usually only about 60% erect and only last about a minute. I am used for his needs and nothing else. We are not intimate. No snuggling, kissing or any other kind of foreplay. That's exactly what my life has been for the past 5 years. We don't exchange cards on holidays anymore, no longer hug or kiss or say "I love you" when we leave the house or when we finish phone calls.
At least it's honest. Still very painful. sad and depressing.
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listedship
Junior Member
Posts: 38
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by listedship on Jan 22, 2018 13:09:37 GMT -5
The list was long but my favorite one went something along the lines of "I really need to harness that sexual energy and put it into my business right now" Pretty Hilarious! I recently had the pleasure of being at a conference with Sugar Ray Leonard - a famous boxer for those who do not know. He is a motivational speaker now and takes empowering people to step up, make a change, very seriously. Sugar Ray spent 20 min of his hour talking about how he had sex before every match because it made him think clear, made him feel invincible, made him more daring, stepped up his game and invigorated him. I know how my refuser reacted. I bought his book, had him sign it. It has not been till recently (as a result of this forum) I realized... it is not about you, the act, whatever reason that they can come up with... it IS NOT ME...IT IS your REFUSER... there are people who want to have sex and think it is totally normal to be intimate before bed, throughout the day, in the middle of the night, at the crack of dawn, over lunch etc.. At all times of the day, nearly any situation, location. NORMAL people want and do have intimacy. I seriously moved his book to my nightstand in the past couple of weeks. Inspiration for me to MOVE ON, make my change!
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Post by Dan on Jan 23, 2018 17:29:07 GMT -5
If the house was still messy: "I can't. I have tomorrow's chores weighing on my mind."
If she had just cleaned the house: "I can't. I'm tired from cleaning the house."
When I started doing more of the laundry, shopping, cooking, and we got a maid: "I can't. Worried about the kids..."
You get the picture.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jan 23, 2018 21:05:03 GMT -5
When I was pregnant:
“The baby’s watching”
Since he was born:
“What if the kid hears?” or “He’s gonna come in here and need something” or “It's weird to do it when he’s awake” (kid will be 15 in May)
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Post by brian on Jan 23, 2018 21:09:46 GMT -5
When I was pregnant: “The baby’s watching” Since he was born: “What if the kid hears?” or “He’s gonna come in here and need something” or “It's weird to do it when he’s awake” (kid will be 15 in May) It won’t be long before your kid is having more sex (in your house, with you there) than you are. That’s where I’m at with my 18yr old. It’s sad. So very sad.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jan 23, 2018 21:41:55 GMT -5
When I was pregnant: “The baby’s watching” Since he was born: “What if the kid hears?” or “He’s gonna come in here and need something” or “It's weird to do it when he’s awake” (kid will be 15 in May) It won’t be long before your kid is having more sex (in your house, with you there) than you are. That’s where I’m at with my 18yr old. It’s sad. So very sad. Unfortunately you may be right.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2018 21:47:59 GMT -5
I'm jealous of 16 year olds having more sex than me.
I'm jealous of 80 year olds having more sex than me.
I'm jealous of gay people having more heterosexual sex than me.
I'm jealous of random people I see kissing in public, because they are having more sex than me.
An SM does slowly drive you crazy.
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 24, 2018 22:24:03 GMT -5
My wife’s most recent excuse was interesting. She didn’t need one. When I initiated I started rubbing my hand along the inside of her thigh towards her.....no further explanation required....and as I did so she said “sweetheart” in a slightly lower voice than her normal voice. That disapproving you’re in trouble voice. That was it. That was enough to stop me dead in my tracks. I just rolled over and went to sleep.
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Post by brian on Jan 24, 2018 22:47:25 GMT -5
My wife’s most recent excuse was interesting. She didn’t need one. When I initiated I started rubbing my hand along the inside of her thigh towards her.....no further explanation required....and as I did so she said “sweetheart” in a slightly lower voice than her normal voice. That disapproving you’re in trouble voice. That was it. That was enough to stop me dead in my tracks. I just rolled over and went to sleep. That's a good boy! Your training is complete. Sorry to be so cold about it. I'm no better, except I'm at the point where I do those things purposely to get her reaction as I find it humorous... in a sick, mind-fuck sort of way.
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 24, 2018 22:58:29 GMT -5
My wife’s most recent excuse was interesting. She didn’t need one. When I initiated I started rubbing my hand along the inside of her thigh towards her.....no further explanation required....and as I did so she said “sweetheart” in a slightly lower voice than her normal voice. That disapproving you’re in trouble voice. That was it. That was enough to stop me dead in my tracks. I just rolled over and went to sleep. That's a good boy! Your training is complete. Sorry to be so cold about it. I'm no better, except I'm at the point where I do those things purposely to get her reaction as I find it humorous... in a sick, mind-fuck sort of way. I don’t believe that to be sick and yes, what a good little boy. “I’ll let you know as and when I fancy fucking sweetheart. In the mean time, when you are out I may decide to fuck myself”. That’s the deal.
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Post by brian on Jan 24, 2018 23:09:53 GMT -5
That's a good boy! Your training is complete. Sorry to be so cold about it. I'm no better, except I'm at the point where I do those things purposely to get her reaction as I find it humorous... in a sick, mind-fuck sort of way. I don’t believe that to be sick and yes, what a good little boy. “I’ll let you know as and when I fancy fucking sweetheart. In the mean time, when you are out I may decide to fuck myself”. That’s the deal. Screw that. I fuck myself beside her in bed most every morning. I fuck myself before I fall asleep while she watches shows on her iPad less than 6ft away and she never realizes it, except once, when I told her point blank that I was horny and if she wasn't going to have sex with me, then I was going to masturbate right there beside her. She just never looked over. What's next? Taking care of my own business without the covers on right there in plain sight. Prediction... she voices her displeasure, leaves the room for the night, and then changes the sheets in the morning. It will be GREAT!
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 25, 2018 7:07:05 GMT -5
“Screw that. I fuck myself beside her in bed most every morning. I fuck myself before I fall asleep while she watches shows on her iPad less than 6ft away and she never realizes it, except once, when I told her point blank that I was horny and if she wasn't going to have sex with me, then I was going to masturbate right there beside her. She just never looked over.”
I can understand you have reasons to stay married. I don’t understand why you allow yourself to be so rejected. Why don’t you move out of the bedroom?
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Post by brian on Jan 25, 2018 7:35:17 GMT -5
“Screw that. I fuck myself beside her in bed most every morning. I fuck myself before I fall asleep while she watches shows on her iPad less than 6ft away and she never realizes it, except once, when I told her point blank that I was horny and if she wasn't going to have sex with me, then I was going to masturbate right there beside her. She just never looked over.” I can understand you have reasons to stay married. I don’t understand why you allow yourself to be so rejected. Why don’t you move out of the bedroom? Right now, I don't want to tip my cards that I'm prepping my exit.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 25, 2018 7:55:01 GMT -5
Given how little attention she pays you and how much shit you’ve taken from her, if she noticed you moved out of the bedroom, I do doubt she’d think you were planning to divorce. She probably would just be happy to not share a bed with you.
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