|
Post by rejected101 on Jan 21, 2018 5:20:35 GMT -5
I am tired is the biggest excuse I hear. He is not to creative. Or maybe he is always tired. I love the way they say it too, as if you’ve just asked if you can go out and do 100 mile bike ride or something. Who ever finishes having sex and sits there thinking fuck me, I can’t possibly walk to the toilet for a piss now. That was so tiring! It’s ridiculous. It’s an excuse, it’s a lie. I wish my wife had the courage to say, I don’t want to have sex with you.
|
|
|
Post by ironhamster on Jan 21, 2018 6:36:12 GMT -5
I am tired is the biggest excuse I hear. He is not to creative. Or maybe he is always tired. I wish my wife had the courage to say, I don’t want to have sex with you. Mine does, but then she has to qualify it. "I would be in the mood if...", or "I'm not in the mood because..." My response this year became, "Stop right there at 'if'. The fact of the matter is that for the last twenty-four years you have never wanted to fuck me."
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Jan 21, 2018 7:07:06 GMT -5
I am tired is the biggest excuse I hear. He is not to creative. Or maybe he is always tired. I love the way they say it too, as if you’ve just asked if you can go out and do 100 mile bike ride or something. Who ever finishes having sex and sits there thinking fuck me, I can’t possibly walk to the toilet for a piss now. That was so tiring! It’s ridiculous. It’s an excuse, it’s a lie. I wish my wife had the courage to say, I don’t want to have sex with you. I wish YOU will have the courage to ask your wife " do you even WANT to have sex with me anymore?" ."Would you rather be having sex with someone else?" " Do you still LOVE ME at all?" Turn the table put it right back on them. Hold them accountable for their actions (or lack of actions). The next step to answer for yourself is " am I ready to accept the answer?" Even when you receive a twisted ,manipulative, dodging of the question answer? Are you ready to say " thank you. You answered my question by avoiding it and reversing it. You will NEVER be accountable, and I am DONE being used and manipulated! YOUR LOSS! I'm going to go visit my brother for a few days, and go out on some dates, see ya!" After my W and I went through a pathetic little re-set morning on a weekend get away, you could tell how angry she was when I wanted to do it again. She had tolerated her "once a year duty" and was done. I asked her "do you still love me?" Her response, "no ,not really". I then said, "I am going to start planning for my escape." Her very numb response, " I will not stand in your way." The cherry on the top was the long ride home. She wanted to do small talk!! She acted like not a change in the world had happened and everything was just fine! I look back and thank the people on here-and my therapist- for helping me lift the FOG. That was just over two years ago. Hence- the divorce.
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on Jan 21, 2018 8:08:55 GMT -5
I am tired is the biggest excuse I hear. He is not to creative. Or maybe he is always tired. I love the way they say it too, as if you’ve just asked if you can go out and do 100 mile bike ride or something. Who ever finishes having sex and sits there thinking fuck me, I can’t possibly walk to the toilet for a piss now. That was so tiring! It’s ridiculous. It’s an excuse, it’s a lie. *raises hand* But that's how you know it was GOOD! LOL
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2018 8:34:38 GMT -5
I wish my wife had the courage to say, I don’t want to have sex with you. Mine does. Her excuse is that she needs me to become a different person and then she'll consider it. Which is at least honest. Some of her issues with me are legitimate, many aren't. I'm working on the ones that I think are legit, but not for her; it is to make me a better person. So my decision to stay at this time (and to outsource when the opportunity arises and I am confident I won't be caught) is made with pretty clear eyes.
|
|
|
Post by M2G on Jan 21, 2018 9:38:42 GMT -5
..May as well try to count the stars in the sky.
|
|
|
Post by flounder on Jan 21, 2018 10:20:58 GMT -5
@ihadalove
“We’ll see” That’s my favorite. Followed closely by; “ that’s a possibility “.
Fancy ways to say no.
|
|
|
Post by lostintime on Jan 21, 2018 10:45:09 GMT -5
I used to. Not anymore. I am over it. I no longer initiate any type of physical contact with him. I however do not typically say no to him either. He will on occasion initiate sex but it is not enjoyable. He has no desire to please anyone but himself. He is usually only about 60% erect and only last about a minute. I am used for his needs and nothing else. We are not intimate. No snuggling, kissing or any other kind of foreplay. "60% erect" That sounds like he has physical issues that he needs to deal with, maybe age related.
|
|
|
Post by lostintime on Jan 21, 2018 10:54:23 GMT -5
Ya. He would follow up I'm tired with in the morning, or I will make it up to you. He'd never follow threw though. My problem was I was so horny I couldn't sleep and was waiting for the morning, then I was told she was too sleepy and I had to deal with it myself.
I cannot do it in the morning since I wake up at 5:30am and she is sleeping
|
|
|
Post by rejected101 on Jan 21, 2018 19:07:54 GMT -5
I love the way they say it too, as if you’ve just asked if you can go out and do 100 mile bike ride or something. Who ever finishes having sex and sits there thinking fuck me, I can’t possibly walk to the toilet for a piss now. That was so tiring! It’s ridiculous. It’s an excuse, it’s a lie. I wish my wife had the courage to say, I don’t want to have sex with you. I wish YOU will have the courage to ask your wife " do you even WANT to have sex with me anymore?" ."Would you rather be having sex with someone else?" " Do you still LOVE ME at all?" Turn the table put it right back on them. Hold them accountable for their actions (or lack of actions). The next step to answer for yourself is " am I ready to accept the answer?" Even when you receive a twisted ,manipulative, dodging of the question answer? Are you ready to say " thank you. You answered my question by avoiding it and reversing it. You will NEVER be accountable, and I am DONE being used and manipulated! YOUR LOSS! I'm going to go visit my brother for a few days, and go out on some dates, see ya!" After my W and I went through a pathetic little re-set morning on a weekend get away, you could tell how angry she was when I wanted to do it again. She had tolerated her "once a year duty" and was done. I asked her "do you still love me?" Her response, "no ,not really". I then said, "I am going to start planning for my escape." Her very numb response, " I will not stand in your way." The cherry on the top was the long ride home. She wanted to do small talk!! She acted like not a change in the world had happened and everything was just fine! I look back and thank the people on here-and my therapist- for helping me lift the FOG. That was just over two years ago. Hence- the divorce. I have asked directly. The answer is yes I still want to have sex with you. But do you still fancy me? Yes I still fancy you as much as I did when we got together. Am I doing something wrong? No I love what we do Ok, is there something I could do that would make even better? No, I love how we have sex. I just have a low libido and am happy not having sex. It doesn’t mean I don’t fancy you or enjoy sex with you. That conversation has taken place. But here is the thing I can’t get my head around. Just because she is happy not to bother for weeks and weeks, does NOT mean she would have been unhappy to have gone ahead and had sex. She has admitted and accepted this. She admits that when the fire is lit, it can burn really bright but sometimes she just can’t be arsed to allow the sparks to light the fire. And when someone is perfectly happy to play on their phone, watch trash tv and then get their head down, how do you change their attitude? Answer....you can’t! They are just happy not to bother. Now for me, I would never risk my partner becoming highly frustrated and left feeling unwanted because that leads to affairs. She is complacent enough to know that I am a loving and loyal man who is highly unlikely to stray. But I have reached a stage now where I want to stray.
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on Jan 21, 2018 21:22:12 GMT -5
"Now for me, I would never risk my partner becoming highly frustrated and left feeling unwanted because that leads to affairs. She is complacent enough to know that I am a loving and loyal man who is highly unlikely to stray. But I have reached a stage now where I want to stray." rejected101 What would happen if you told her that? If you said you are feeling highly frustrated and unwanted because of her low libido and now you're contemplating having an affair? Do you think that would like the fire under her ass? Maybe she would work harder to keep you happy since she says she likes sex with you and still fancies you.
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Jan 21, 2018 21:30:22 GMT -5
I think there are a lot. One's that I've heard: -I'm tired -I have a headache -I feel full -I'm hungry -My belly feels weird -you said/did x (holding a grudge) -Not what I'm looking for now -I don't feel sexy -It's rude/weird to (staying at someone's place in a separate bedroom) -It's rude, guest might hear (in our own home!) -I'm grumpy (when woken up for sex) -I'm want to get up and start the day (in the morning) -I feel sick (this one is legit sometimes , seems to be brought on by certain situations though) -The house is messy -It's too hot -It's too cold -we'll be too lazy afterwards -I'm too stressed -I'm texting with someone -We have a busy day tomorrow -I'm feeling sad -I can't decide if I want to or not -we'll see (means no) In contrast I think I'd only say no if I was sick, probably really sick. A bunch of the reasons above sound like good reasons TO have sex to me! "I've got a made up pussy disease." That one worked on me for a couple decades.
|
|
|
Post by carl on Jan 21, 2018 21:48:47 GMT -5
Think I have heard every excuse over the years. One for every good time or celebration, one for when moods are low, one for when we are at home and one when we are away. There is one for the day and another for the night. But I don’t get given any excuses now because I don’t come on to my wife.
|
|
|
Post by baza on Jan 21, 2018 21:59:24 GMT -5
Key point Brother carl makes. If the piss weak excuses are a source of annoyance to you, you can fix that. Remove the cause at its' source. Stop asking. That will stop the piss weak excuses dead in their tracks. Your end outcome will stay the same - no sex - but you'll have removed that particular annoyance.
|
|
|
Post by carl on Jan 21, 2018 22:43:51 GMT -5
Yes, you are bang on there. There is only one thing worse than no sex, and that is being refused and having no sex. So if you never ask you’ll never be refused. Easier said than done but well worth the effort. Why not ask someone who will say YES.
|
|