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Post by deadzone75 on May 1, 2024 15:21:47 GMT -5
Update! Hey, just crawling out of my messy hole y’all! Mediation was Feb 21 - i settled. I never got a forensic accountant - i was losing the fight in me and i just had to get out. April Fools day i signed my divorce papers. Eclipse Day the judge signed it for final decree. I am finally “postSM” Now what? Lol Life is good. The battle over and so very worth it so far. So much gratitude for this group and the wisdom here. Yall come see me if you get to Tx DallasG Congratulations!
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Post by deadzone75 on May 1, 2024 15:19:36 GMT -5
m76 as much as I would hope that your wife is moving toward a sex life with you I have to agree with @ deadzone75, I think you are being played. The goal posts keep moving. If she masturbates to relax then she could have asked for help long ago. She wants sex of some sort just not with you. I think you're both right. And I keep following the carrot. However, I'm mostly still here to provide stability for my son in his last year of school. As long as I'm sticking around its easier to live with a bit of hope then to completely give up. I remember, years and years ago, thinking that my X was asexual, or close to it. One day I found a vibrator I had bought her in a different location (and yes, I checked the position of that thing damn near daily). I was absolutely shocked. I had proof that she WAS in fact a sexual being. It opened up a door, I thought, gave me hope. It was false hope, but I'll never forget the surprise at finding out that she used that toy. So I understand that new rush of hope.
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Post by deadzone75 on May 1, 2024 15:12:19 GMT -5
Coitus
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Post by deadzone75 on May 1, 2024 15:07:56 GMT -5
We did couples therapy (at my prompting) and, as the HL wife, I was still fully on board to repair our marriage. But that experience revealed to me just how incapable he was at finding compromise. We both had kinks the other wasn't into (mine being me playing a more submissive role and him a more dominant one; his being a feederism fetish). But I narrowed my preferences all the way down to just having sex with me on bottom sometimes instead of constant cowgirl. He went many weeks just not having one at all. But then when he finally presented his "compromise", all it was was requesting I "just maintain the current weight" instead of continuing to aim for higher numbers in pursuit of his ideal fat belly. That current weight was still 230 lb and accepting his "compromise" would have still meant giving up my bodily autonomy for his sexual gratification. We continued sessions for months and did find little nuggets of value here and there. But when it came to handling his laser-focused sexual interest and how that impacts his disinterest in me, no progress was ever made. So, sessions eventually stopped and we went back to square one... I think a big problem in many marriages, SM or otherwise, is one party being dismissive of one's fantasies. In my SM, I developed a fantasy that I'm not sure I would have developed if I had been having regular sex. Now, the marriage was doomed anyway, but let's just say the response to it was lukewarm, and there was never so much as an attempt at a compromise. Without communication and compromise, you are giving your partner the middle finger and telling them to deal with it. And they eventually just might...somewhere else, with someone else.
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 29, 2024 14:57:28 GMT -5
this reads like a clever ruse to disguise foreplay on your part. Unless of coarse you have no intenion of eventually easing your member into the honeypot at some point.... Well that's just it.. this will essentially be foreplay, we just won't be calling it that. I would expect that once aroused, more things will happen. I'll let you all know if thus actually works. Why in the world would you expect that more things will happen? She won't even cuddle with you, yet you're supposed to believe she's going to let you help her masturbate? Why would it take a hundred counseling sessions to pull it out of her that she...SHOCKER...isn't asexual? Get ready for excuse #1,345,987. DON'T fall for this, my guy. You were doing really well on the acceptance front. This is going to set you back for another 100 sessions.
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 29, 2024 14:52:53 GMT -5
Still in councilling so I learned something new today... Previously my wife had said that she never masterbates and never has any desire. She revealed today that she regularly masterbates but just for "relaxation". I'm stunned. Then she's twice the liar you already knew she was. She's not "asexual" as she tried to get you to believe. She just doesn't want to do it with you. We all like to "relax" when we have sex....
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 17, 2024 21:52:51 GMT -5
I am trying not to be horrified that her seven year old child perceives a priority to men is how a woman looks. My kids had better values at 7. No way do I believe a kid of seven said "to look good". More likely a fabrication serving as a segue. On the other hand, the list is so common sense, the kid might have written 1 through 3.
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 7, 2024 16:35:13 GMT -5
Fornication
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 7, 2024 16:34:15 GMT -5
I agree that when anyone (adult or child) shows disrespect towards another person this needs to be called out. But if your wife wants her children to show her respect, she might want to consider showing some towards them. It’s not okay to purposely belittle anyone. Time away from the offspring may help your wife focus on the fact that it is a privilege of life to have them. Correct!! They are older and realize what respect is and how and when to give it. I have taught this to them at an early age through sports and other activities. I have returned home so I will not be in the eyes of the court as abandoning my kids or home. Me and wife are talking but it’s still one sided. She says I have not changed as in making the kids listen and examine there chores at hand. I tell her I have always inspected what I expected. Wife claims that cleaning should be a 8 hour process for one room. As she struggles with her time management's. I am not her father to show her how to do so but I do give her tips if asked. She finds yelling and raising her voice is the remedy. I told her if she would not complain so much and to put that much effort and thought into getting things done it would get done faster. She has not initiated once since the talk last summer. She is off and on the estrogen cream but still has discomfort as I have taken an easy on her with more oral and finger play. Not once has she initiated. 2 time in 23 years and 31 years of being together. Always hoped i could do better to make her want me and initiate. I’m such a fool. She is not interested in my feelings and keeps going back to hers. I told her she is not happy and she insists she is. I said she is maybe depressed and she again said she isn’t. I told her I was depressed and she told me I wasn’t😂 Gotta love the outright denial tactic. "We don't have sex." "Yes, we do." "No, we haven't had sex in over a year." "Yes, we have." "I remember where I put my penis, and it hasn't been inside you since the Clinton Administration." "You're wrong. Why are you lying about this and attacking me?"
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 3, 2024 20:13:32 GMT -5
Yes, sorry...biscuits. They had chocolate on them, and they were thin and crispy. Little bastards were delicious. Another co-worker from Scotland brought in homemade Scottish shortbread. That was even better! There you go, I rest my case. And coincidentally, I popped to Scotland over the Easter weekend as it’s not far from where I live. I had shortbread too, which was delicious. Is that messed with over there as well? I'm almost afraid to tell you I think US shortbread is a bit more flavorful...but that's not to say the Scottish shortbread wasn't amazing. Just not quite Lorna Doone amazing.
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 3, 2024 17:42:42 GMT -5
I did eat cookies from the UK a few months ago via a co-worker, and they were absolutely delicious. I don't remember what they were, but I devoured them while being lectured for supporting Tottenham. Those would be biscuits. Did they have chocolate on or in them? That would explain it. Yes, sorry...biscuits. They had chocolate on them, and they were thin and crispy. Little bastards were delicious. Another co-worker from Scotland brought in homemade Scottish shortbread. That was even better!
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 3, 2024 17:03:29 GMT -5
Baby steps. It took me years to admit Kit Kats are shite. YOUR Kit Kats are shite. Mine are awesome. You got the sunshine, you can’t have everything. I did eat cookies from the UK a few months ago via a co-worker, and they were absolutely delicious. I don't remember what they were, but I devoured them while being lectured for supporting Tottenham.
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 3, 2024 16:52:33 GMT -5
Let us speak more of sex clubs and filming and less about your blind hatred of US chocolate... I mostly jest, but not about Whatchamacallits. I'll put those toe-to-toe with any chocolate worldwide. Your chocolate is shite and you know it. All of it. Even the expensive stuff is dire. Baby steps. It took me years to admit Kit Kats are shite.
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 3, 2024 16:41:28 GMT -5
Let us speak more of sex clubs and filming and less about your blind hatred of US chocolate... I mostly jest, but not about Whatchamacallits. I'll put those toe-to-toe with any chocolate worldwide. Having lived in Europe for 4 years I can confirm north American chocolate is garbage by comparison. Of course I'll still eat it. I'll die on my chocolate sword made of crispy rice and caramel.
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 3, 2024 16:16:13 GMT -5
Back in the day this place was a boatload of fun. Sharp wit and a great place to be silly which is good for us all. There were suggestions of debauchery in Berlin sex clubs, filming kinky action and chocolate (that will be Euro chocolate not that swill in the US…). Amongst it all lots of compassion and understanding about the misery that is living in a SM. Great friendships were born from the silliness which has enriched my life and continue to do so. At its best is place is outstanding. Let us speak more of sex clubs and filming and less about your blind hatred of US chocolate... I mostly jest, but not about Whatchamacallits. I'll put those toe-to-toe with any chocolate worldwide.
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