Missingout
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Post by Missingout on Apr 2, 2024 7:48:42 GMT -5
Wife got so fired up this past Saturday morning (day before Easter)when she woke up that she asked me and my 2 girls to stay at my sister's house for a few days. She was mad at my eldest for leaving spots on the clean dishes from the night before. She feels I should make them listen more and be the bad guy. She also says she doesn't feel appreciated by me or the kids. Parenting and adulting is the most thankless jobs I know of. She told me and the kids to pack a bag so we did. I did not argue in front of the kids and I have not spoken to her in 4 days. My youngest went back home as school resumed today. She is begging me not to leave her in the house alone with her mother. I'm going back to my house after work today and telling her if she is soo unhappy to find a place to stay because I'm not leaving. She is waiting on me to beg her to come back and I'm not begging for anything. I have grown stronger against her strong will and I will not back down. Wish me luck as Im using this as my out.
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 2, 2024 8:24:19 GMT -5
I don't think anyone applouds the demise of a marriage and the breakup of a family. In your situation taking some time apart may be in everones best interest. I believe you are right in staying in the home you are paying for along with the children. If she is unhappy with the currnet dynamics with the kids it is her responsibility to find a way to change them. Parenting is hard duty often. Take a look at how she and the kids interact. If the kids are disrespectful you should weigh in on her side.
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Missingout
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Post by Missingout on Apr 2, 2024 9:20:04 GMT -5
I don't think anyone appouds the demise of a marriage and the breakup of a family. In your situation taking some time apart may be in everones best interest. I believe you are right in staying in the home you are paying for along with the children. If she is unhappy with the currnet dynamics with the kids it is her responsibility to find a way to change them. Parenting is hard duty often. Take a look at how she and the kids interact. If the kids are disrespectful you should weigh in on her side. They have been disrespectful in the past and weather mom is right or wrong the rule is to not disrespect. And I have informed that. Daughters are 14 and 19. A lot of disrespect built up in there hormones at this point. The younger of the 2 especially. My wife is the heavy hand when it comes to discipline with the girls. We raised a nephew who I was the heavy hand during discipline. However when tasked with sweeping and mopping the younger one does it but it's not up to my wife's standards and is constantly belittling her. I feel the tension when I stopped her from doing it to me she seems to have targeted the kids. |
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Post by isthisit on Apr 2, 2024 16:33:51 GMT -5
They have been disrespectful in the past and weather mom is right or wrong the rule is to not disrespect. And I have informed that. Daughters are 14 and 19. A lot of disrespect built up in there hormones at this point. The younger of the 2 especially. My wife is the heavy hand when it comes to discipline with the girls. We raised a nephew who I was the heavy hand during discipline. However when tasked with sweeping and mopping the younger one does it but it's not up to my wife's standards and is constantly belittling her. I feel the tension when I stopped her from doing it to me she seems to have targeted the kids. I agree that when anyone (adult or child) shows disrespect towards another person this needs to be called out. But if your wife wants her children to show her respect, she might want to consider showing some towards them. It’s not okay to purposely belittle anyone. Time away from the offspring may help your wife focus on the fact that it is a privilege of life to have them. |
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Missingout
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Post by Missingout on Apr 6, 2024 7:18:39 GMT -5
They have been disrespectful in the past and weather mom is right or wrong the rule is to not disrespect. And I have informed that. Daughters are 14 and 19. A lot of disrespect built up in there hormones at this point. The younger of the 2 especially. My wife is the heavy hand when it comes to discipline with the girls. We raised a nephew who I was the heavy hand during discipline. However when tasked with sweeping and mopping the younger one does it but it's not up to my wife's standards and is constantly belittling her. I feel the tension when I stopped her from doing it to me she seems to have targeted the kids. I agree that when anyone (adult or child) shows disrespect towards another person this needs to be called out. But if your wife wants her children to show her respect, she might want to consider showing some towards them. It’s not okay to purposely belittle anyone. Time away from the offspring may help your wife focus on the fact that it is a privilege of life to have them. Correct!! They are older and realize what respect is and how and when to give it. I have taught this to them at an early age through sports and other activities. I have returned home so I will not be in the eyes of the court as abandoning my kids or home. Me and wife are talking but it’s still one sided. She says I have not changed as in making the kids listen and examine there chores at hand. I tell her I have always inspected what I expected. Wife claims that cleaning should be a 8 hour process for one room. As she struggles with her time management's. I am not her father to show her how to do so but I do give her tips if asked. She finds yelling and raising her voice is the remedy. I told her if she would not complain so much and to put that much effort and thought into getting things done it would get done faster. She has not initiated once since the talk last summer. She is off and on the estrogen cream but still has discomfort as I have taken an easy on her with more oral and finger play. Not once has she initiated. 2 time in 23 years and 31 years of being together. Always hoped i could do better to make her want me and initiate. I’m such a fool. She is not interested in my feelings and keeps going back to hers. I told her she is not happy and she insists she is. I said she is maybe depressed and she again said she isn’t. I told her I was depressed and she told me I wasn’t😂 |
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Post by isthisit on Apr 7, 2024 15:25:51 GMT -5
I agree that when anyone (adult or child) shows disrespect towards another person this needs to be called out. But if your wife wants her children to show her respect, she might want to consider showing some towards them. It’s not okay to purposely belittle anyone. Time away from the offspring may help your wife focus on the fact that it is a privilege of life to have them. Correct!! They are older and realize what respect is and how and when to give it. I have taught this to them at an early age through sports and other activities. I have returned home so I will not be in the eyes of the court as abandoning my kids or home. Me and wife are talking but it’s still one sided. She says I have not changed as in making the kids listen and examine there chores at hand. I tell her I have always inspected what I expected. Wife claims that cleaning should be a 8 hour process for one room. As she struggles with her time management's. I am not her father to show her how to do so but I do give her tips if asked. She finds yelling and raising her voice is the remedy. I told her if she would not complain so much and to put that much effort and thought into getting things done it would get done faster. She has not initiated once since the talk last summer. She is off and on the estrogen cream but still has discomfort as I have taken an easy on her with more oral and finger play. Not once has she initiated. 2 time in 23 years and 31 years of being together. Always hoped i could do better to make her want me and initiate. I’m such a fool. She is not interested in my feelings and keeps going back to hers. I told her she is not happy and she insists she is. I said she is maybe depressed and she again said she isn’t. I told her I was depressed and she told me I wasn’t😂 8 hours cleaning time per room? Damn, you could do surgery in Chez Missingout. How are those poor kids ever going to satisfy those standards? Your Mrs sounds dreadful. From your descriptions she is emotionally labile, bullying and controlling. Look after yourself. |
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 7, 2024 16:34:15 GMT -5
I agree that when anyone (adult or child) shows disrespect towards another person this needs to be called out. But if your wife wants her children to show her respect, she might want to consider showing some towards them. It’s not okay to purposely belittle anyone. Time away from the offspring may help your wife focus on the fact that it is a privilege of life to have them. Correct!! They are older and realize what respect is and how and when to give it. I have taught this to them at an early age through sports and other activities. I have returned home so I will not be in the eyes of the court as abandoning my kids or home. Me and wife are talking but it’s still one sided. She says I have not changed as in making the kids listen and examine there chores at hand. I tell her I have always inspected what I expected. Wife claims that cleaning should be a 8 hour process for one room. As she struggles with her time management's. I am not her father to show her how to do so but I do give her tips if asked. She finds yelling and raising her voice is the remedy. I told her if she would not complain so much and to put that much effort and thought into getting things done it would get done faster. She has not initiated once since the talk last summer. She is off and on the estrogen cream but still has discomfort as I have taken an easy on her with more oral and finger play. Not once has she initiated. 2 time in 23 years and 31 years of being together. Always hoped i could do better to make her want me and initiate. I’m such a fool. She is not interested in my feelings and keeps going back to hers. I told her she is not happy and she insists she is. I said she is maybe depressed and she again said she isn’t. I told her I was depressed and she told me I wasn’t😂 Gotta love the outright denial tactic. "We don't have sex." "Yes, we do." "No, we haven't had sex in over a year." "Yes, we have." "I remember where I put my penis, and it hasn't been inside you since the Clinton Administration." "You're wrong. Why are you lying about this and attacking me?" |
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m76
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Post by m76 on Apr 7, 2024 16:39:41 GMT -5
Correct!! They are older and realize what respect is and how and when to give it. I have taught this to them at an early age through sports and other activities. I have returned home so I will not be in the eyes of the court as abandoning my kids or home. Me and wife are talking but it’s still one sided. She says I have not changed as in making the kids listen and examine there chores at hand. I tell her I have always inspected what I expected. Wife claims that cleaning should be a 8 hour process for one room. As she struggles with her time management's. I am not her father to show her how to do so but I do give her tips if asked. She finds yelling and raising her voice is the remedy. I told her if she would not complain so much and to put that much effort and thought into getting things done it would get done faster. She has not initiated once since the talk last summer. She is off and on the estrogen cream but still has discomfort as I have taken an easy on her with more oral and finger play. Not once has she initiated. 2 time in 23 years and 31 years of being together. Always hoped i could do better to make her want me and initiate. I’m such a fool. She is not interested in my feelings and keeps going back to hers. I told her she is not happy and she insists she is. I said she is maybe depressed and she again said she isn’t. I told her I was depressed and she told me I wasn’t😂 Gotta love the outright denial tactic. "We don't have sex." "Yes, we do." "No, we haven't had sex in over a year." "Yes, we have." "I remember where I put my penis, and it hasn't been inside you since the Clinton Administration." "You're wrong. Why are you lying about this and attacking me?" Gaslighting... I haven't experienced it to that extreme but when we were having infreqent sex if I said it's been months she definitely had the perception that we had "just" had sex. Now it's the same for cuddles. And reaching over to pat my leg counts as putting in effort. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 7, 2024 18:29:21 GMT -5
Gotta love the outright denial tactic. "We don't have sex." "Yes, we do." "No, we haven't had sex in over a year." "Yes, we have." "I remember where I put my penis, and it hasn't been inside you since the Clinton Administration." "You're wrong. Why are you lying about this and attacking me?" Gaslighting When I tried to initiate my X would say "we just had sex". So I finally showed her a calandar listing date and type of sex for the last year. Seeing the calandar she got very quiet and soon found someplace else ro be. |
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Post by csl on Apr 8, 2024 7:03:21 GMT -5
8 hours cleaning time per room? Damn, you could do surgery in Chez Missingout. How are those poor kids ever going to satisfy those standards? Your Mrs sounds dreadful. From your descriptions she is emotionally labile, bullying and controlling. Look after yourself. Oooo, a new word! Labile - changeable, unstable. Thank you. |
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Missingout
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Post by Missingout on May 14, 2024 11:09:01 GMT -5
It's day 2 since she has slept in spare room. Mother's day of all days when she started. I was on call that day and visited my mom and said I should be home around 4pm to start dinner. Kids haven't had a home cooked meal in 3 weeks since I returned from a work trip. My mother lost her husband about a month ago so I visited longer. Returned home at 6pm and got called out at 630 when I was preparing dinner and put everything on hold and returned home at 930pm to a pissed off wife. Told her I would make the meal tomorrow and kids were ok with that but she just couldn't except it and told me to f off. All the ass kissing I have done in the past may have ruined her I'm afraid. She refuses to kiss my ass so now starts a freighting journey for me. I know I will be fine but I still love her and hope for the best for her. I fight myself with guilt thinking what will become of her when she leaves.
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Missingout
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Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on May 29, 2024 12:37:34 GMT -5
Ok I told my daughters about the divorce and it was way easier than I thought. Told told them to fire away with any questions.14 and 19 years old. They could sense it. Youngest immediately says I'm staying with you dad. Lots of her friends have divorced parents. 19 year old says if you need me to go to court for you I will. She's the drama queen.🤣 I let them both know that there mother will need them and this will be a hard time for her to get adjusted to some changes.
Ok going back a little. Wife has accepted the divorce and wanted me to tell the kids. I asked if she wanted to be there and she said no as long as they know that I (missingout)was the one that wanted the divorce. My hunch was right about her not wanting to say the big d word. She wanted me to blame. That's ok I can handle it. She also is very concerned that I am telling my family that it's her fault. I reassured her that I was not and I would not throw her under the buss. And it was ok if she wanted to throw me under the buss. Again I can take it.
Ok some logistics. I want to keep the house, she wanted to stay till the youngest is out of school while I paid for the mortgage (4 years till daughter graduates) I do not like this plan. And she came back with I will take you to court and take child support and alimony from you. I replied back with how about 30k lump sum and her eyebrows raised. Why didn't I think of this before. This woman loves money. And 30k is not much at all to me but with her she could live off for maybe 2 months😂. She never thinks about next year. So she quickly grabs a calculator and figures it's about what I would pay in alimony next 6-7 years. She also agrees to not have lawyers involved.😏 I am currently finding a way to get papers drawn up and 30k to her before she changes her mind.
Couple questions I have are how do I get her off the deed to the house without refinancing? It was only my credit that got the financing.
And why do I feel guilty if this actually works?
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Post by lonelyhubby on May 29, 2024 15:07:28 GMT -5
Look into a "Transfer of Equity" with your mortgage lender. They may be able to swing it without a refinance
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Post by isthisit on May 29, 2024 18:08:27 GMT -5
Firstly, well done for actually getting the awful job done. Regardless of the wisdom of a divorce, it’s always a disappointment to get to that point. I am pleased that it wasn’t as awful as you had anticipated and that it went okay for your girls. Your experience is a carbon copy of mine. My children were 14 and 17 and my youngest immediately and spontaneously requested to stay with me, when that topic had not been broached. My eldest very quickly supported my choice if I felt I had no other option. I was never more proud of them. I am more than five years down the road now, and their support of me has maintained throughout. Also like your account, my ex-spouse was unable to participate in sharing the news with the children so I did it alone. Indicative of the marriage in many ways. I do the heavy lifting and meaningful moments while he dodged the hard stuff, which is not lost on my children today.
I am sure you are feeling a whole array of emotions, from elation and excitement, through fear of the unknown and some dread at what is to come. All very normal. You’ve got this, and it will be worth it as you move forward. Anything is better than the bleakness of a deceased marriage. I wish you well on your journey.
I did not immediately lawyer up, and I got some hard core caution here about that choice. Unusual, sure. And probably highly unwise for the majority. But I know my situation best, and this choice was a good move for us. We managed an amicable and fair settlement between us when we were ready, involving lawyers very late in the process to manage the paperwork to administer our agreement. The man had many issues as a H, but he is decent to his core and my faith in that decency was well founded (as was his in mine). High risk for many, but sometimes it works out okay. Given your wife’s tendency to be emotionally labile, maybe you need to consider belt and braces just in case.
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Missingout
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Post by Missingout on Jun 4, 2024 19:15:01 GMT -5
Ok another new one for me. Belt and braces.!!!!
I love it.
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