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Post by litnerd on Jul 14, 2016 18:44:19 GMT -5
I finally told my best friend (since high school) about my SM. I've complained to her before about the lack of sex, but I've never actually told her how bad it is. Today, I told her that, in addition to not having sex more than once every couple months, he's got a perfectly robust solo sex life. That he actually leaves me in bed (naked, no less) to go jerk off in the bath, and he hasn't gotten off during sex with me in longer than I can remember. It was both relieving and depressing to admit that to her.
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Post by cagedtiger on Jul 14, 2016 18:55:35 GMT -5
I finally told my best friend (since high school) about my SM. I've complained to her before about the lack of sex, but I've never actually told her how bad it is. Today, I told her that, in addition to not having sex more than once every couple months, he's got a perfectly robust solo sex life. That he actually leaves me in bed (naked, no less) to go jerk off in the bath, and he hasn't gotten off during sex with me in longer than I can remember. It was both relieving and depressing to admit that to her. It's good that you feel safe enough to open up about a friend about that. It'll make a world of difference- it has for me the last 3 weeks. |
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Post by baza on Jul 14, 2016 22:13:23 GMT -5
There are a couple of good things about you -
(a) - opening up to your friend
(b) - opening up to the people here.
And that thing is, that you will get some empathy (at the bare minimum) from your friend who knows you both, and you'll get some objective comments from the people here who don't know either of you.
-
It is very difficult to see the truth whilst one is living a lie.
Outsiders can often see things far more clearly than we can see ourselves.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 7:36:57 GMT -5
litnerd, doesn't it feel great to tell people? It's been very freeing for me. I've got a handful of people (in my real life) who know ALL of it. Shine some light on a problem and it seems that much more manageable and so much less shameful.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 8:26:30 GMT -5
Him leaving and going into the bathroom has to be so hurtful. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 9:04:12 GMT -5
I finally told my best friend (since high school) about my SM. I've complained to her before about the lack of sex, but I've never actually told her how bad it is. Today, I told her that, in addition to not having sex more than once every couple months, he's got a perfectly robust solo sex life. That he actually leaves me in bed (naked, no less) to go jerk off in the bath, and he hasn't gotten off during sex with me in longer than I can remember. It was both relieving and depressing to admit that to her. I'd be curious to hear your amateur evaluation of this guy. There are a lot of ways to be a refuser, but this one is up there with the weirdest I've heard. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 9:23:14 GMT -5
@creelunion, really? This can't be the weirdest you've heard, nor is it an anomaly. My husband is active with his hand daily, or at least several times a week and sometimes twice daily.
Apparently, that hand really has something on me in the "so-effin'-sexy" department. Who knew a guy would choose his hand over a willing pussy? Fucked indeed - the hand, not the poor, neglected pussy-cat.
Sorry everyone, I'm in a really rough place today and am not responsible for anything I do or say. I'm not normally this vulgar or explicit or angry... and I had better hit "create post" ASAP!
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sufferinhubby
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My marriage is not a tragedy. It's more like a romantic comedy without the romance
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Post by sufferinhubby on Jul 15, 2016 10:00:06 GMT -5
Leaving a naked woman alone in bed to go and J.O. in the bathroom?? I hate to judge I really do, but I suspect perhaps he's gay.
+1 on the "talk to people" angle. It helps!! And hugs to you @elle. Sorry to hear you're having a rough one!
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 15, 2016 10:09:15 GMT -5
It's been said before that it becomes a matter of porn addiction, convenience, laziness, a selfish pride, or an introvert way of dealing with sexual problems.
I can't say that I understand at all how a man can turn down his naked wife laying beside him, with an eager, willing, ready attitude for years?
I do know that it is much easier to hit a button and have thousands of images, on a screen. No effort on your part, and the immediate pleasure is there and over with in a brief, almost relaxing part of your day.
Compare that to an entire day of yes dearing, only to have her choose computer games over you at the end of the day.
All men have hundreds of images in there head of naked women. When they get married, the overwhelming affect of a real woman overpowers all of that. Over time that goes away and needs to be rekindled on an even basis. That's not what were talking about here. You take a man who has had thousands of images in his head, a real woman no matter how attractive a super model she is, cannot compete with the onslaught of what is now available, hundreds per minute, per hour, leading to millions.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 10:12:26 GMT -5
@creelunion , really? This can't be the weirdest you've heard, nor is it an anomaly. My husband is active with his hand daily, or at least several times a week and sometimes twice daily. Apparently, that hand really has something on me in the "so-effin'-sexy" department. Who knew a guy would choose his hand over a willing pussy? Fucked indeed - the hand, not the poor, neglected pussy-cat. Sorry everyone, I'm in a really rough place today and am not responsible for anything I do or say. I'm not normally this vulgar or explicit or angry... and I had better hit "create post" ASAP! Let it out girl! Maybe I've missed it. Her post gives me the impression that: He sees her naked, gets turned on by THAT, then runs off and whacks himself into oblivion without even trying to hide it. Is this an apt description, litnerd? @elle, is this your experience? In most cases here I read about passive aggressive BS, promised corrections with no follow through, incessant video gaming to the exclusion of together time, incessant pornography accompanied by whacking off, but with some denial or shame. But this reads like: "Hmmm, Hot Naked Woman. That Reminds me. Wait here while I go beat myself silly!" "Pfew, glad that's done. So, how was your day?" |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 10:13:19 GMT -5
Leaving a naked woman alone in bed to go and J.O. in the bathroom?? I hate to judge I really do, but I suspect perhaps he's gay. +1 on the "talk to people" angle. It helps!! And hugs to you @elle . Sorry to hear you're having a rough one! I was going to wait for the psychological profile before making this diagnosis. |
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sufferinhubby
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My marriage is not a tragedy. It's more like a romantic comedy without the romance
Posts: 67
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by sufferinhubby on Jul 15, 2016 10:38:39 GMT -5
Her post gives me the impression that: He sees her naked, gets turned on by THAT, then runs off and whacks himself into oblivion without even trying to hide it. ... But this reads like: "Hmmm, Hot Naked Woman. That Reminds me. Wait here while I go beat myself silly!" Forgive me if this sounds crude. I don't mean to come off pervy or anything, but if I was lying next to a naked woman yet had my mind dead set on jerking off, I would maybe opt to jerk off on the naked woman, or at the very least next to the naked woman. That has to be more fun than going to the bathroom and jerking off alone. That just sounds to me as if an actual naked woman is simply not part of his arousal process. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 10:42:05 GMT -5
Her post gives me the impression that: He sees her naked, gets turned on by THAT, then runs off and whacks himself into oblivion without even trying to hide it. ... But this reads like: "Hmmm, Hot Naked Woman. That Reminds me. Wait here while I go beat myself silly!" Forgive me if this sounds crude. I don't mean to come off pervy or anything, but if I was lying next to a naked woman yet had my mind dead set on jerking off, I would maybe opt to jerk off on the naked woman, or at the very least next to the naked woman. That has to be more fun than going to the bathroom and jerking off alone. That just sounds to me as if an actual naked woman is simply not part of his arousal process. If I were going to consider whacking off while next to a naked woman, I would do everything in my power to hide the fact. I'd be ashamed. |
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sufferinhubby
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My marriage is not a tragedy. It's more like a romantic comedy without the romance
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Post by sufferinhubby on Jul 15, 2016 10:47:11 GMT -5
well, point taken Creel. But not me - could be kinda hot lol.
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Post by ggold on Jul 15, 2016 12:26:36 GMT -5
litnerd Good for you for opening up to a trusted friend. For years and years, I kept my SM issues to myself. Slowly I began to tell people. It began with my best friend. Now, I am pretty open about my situation to certain family members and other friends. It has been quite relieving and I've gotten so much support. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I really cannot imagine being left alone in bed while he's having a good time with his hand elsewhere. I don't understand this. Remember, this is not because of YOU!! HE has the issue!! I have been left alone in bed for years, but my husband prefers to sleep on the couch rather than pleasure himself. (In fact, he claims he has no desire to at all!) (hugs) to you!
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