Simple diagnosis

But how is meeting our needs any different than reset sex? Just more frequent?
I contend that our needs are not just sex but also passion, lust, desire, a thirst to join our souls as one. 
A sexual mismatch cannot be fixed by weekly shagging. Our spouses just do not love us as we need to be loved.

If there has been compromise, if there has been genuine negotiation, if there has been understanding, if there has been consensus, then the marriage was fixed some time back.
It is highly unlikely that either of the spouses felt any need to google sexless marriage, find here, join, and then tell a tale of an ILIASM shithole.
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"Fixable" marriages get fixed (and long before they ever arrive here).
ILIASM deals aren't fixable.
That's why they are here.
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Addendum -
there are outliers (as suggested by Brother AngrySpartan) but I think the 1% is wildly optomistic. In the old EP group it was more like less than 0.07%.

Absolutely. As bballgirl said last week, there is all the difference in the world between someone who is willing to fuck you and someone who really wants to.

You might settle for that if it was an option, but eventually that too would become inadequate.

On the EP version of ILIASM there was a discussion of women who were refused. By and large there are fewer of us than there are men who get refused, but we all had similar stories about our experience with reset sex. Several of us called it our cookie. It was something to be held out to us, like bait, and it was given with a great amount of emphasis on what a gift it was and while it technically "worked," it was supremely unsatisfying and all of us reported feeling resentful and not wanting it after a time of getting nothing but the cookie version of sex and affection.


To the OP, I think you are likely right for the most part, but there are exceptions to every rule. Mine appeared to be okay with it, but one day he actually said to me during an argument that he didn't see us ever really being happy, so he guessed he would just be unhappy and go without sex forever to make sure the kids were happy. I was flabbergasted. Sexlessness was his choice and then he had the nerve to act as though the state of sexlessness was putting him out somehow. I nearly gut punched him.

baza  I hold slight hope for some in this community.  Maybe it's just my nature.  

I, however, would not be here if my marriage was fixable.  I am here because I am in need of support to get me through this life I am currently choosing to live.  I am here to share and lend support to others.  

Whether we choose to stay, leave...whatever...we are in this shithole together.  

sufferinhubby  My husband has acknowledged that living this SM is not normal and that it is an unhappy way to live.  It hasn't changed a damn thing.  He is content to live this way KNOWING I am miserable.  He refused to figure out what is going on with him all of these years.  Now that I have said the word "divorce" he called a therapist and made an appointment for next week.  It only took him over 15 years....well, that is a bit too late for me.  His problems are deep rooted and will take years to sort out.  I am done waiting.  I've worked too hard on myself to go back, only to be disappointed again.  

It all sucks, doesn't it???