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Post by toughtiger on Feb 5, 2024 9:13:05 GMT -5
So spouse managed to be decent for like 2 1/2 days.......... then it is as if he can no longer contain himself and he must do some a-hole move first thing.
so Monday after being semi content with weekend i can head to work seething ......nice......... i wanted to be royally pissed off right before work...NOT
I really do not like this continually happening ... i am trying to let more go but at a certain point i just lose it. he know the triggers and i swear has to plan to keep up this level of gross incompetence.
He knows it and does this as much as he can why be a petty ass.... just own it ... he is a jerk why pretend he is not.
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Post by week5of35years on Feb 5, 2024 9:45:27 GMT -5
So spouse managed to be decent for like 2 1/2 days.......... then it is as if he can no longer contain himself and he must do some a-hole move first thing. so Monday after being semi content with weekend i can head to work seething ......nice......... i wanted to be royally pissed off right before work...NOT I really do not like this continually happening ... i am trying to let more go but at a certain point i just lose it. he know the triggers and i swear has to plan to keep up this level of gross incompetence. He knows it and does this as much as he can why be a petty ass.... just own it ... he is a jerk why pretend he is not. what'd he do? |
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 5, 2024 13:06:51 GMT -5
Yeah, what did he do now ? |
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Post by toughtiger on Feb 6, 2024 9:22:48 GMT -5
it is not so much a specific thing as much a pattern ....... we all have had i am sure
he fesses up he could be more we should connect ....he does some nice gesture........ i am leery at first then feel like i should let my guard down and BAM.
he goes back to all his usual items ...... he purposely does item to make things difficult .......
example: he is upset if i run dishwasher while he is watching TV in Another room etc........ so i have a delayed start to run overnight and i can unload in morning.... he opened and left door ajar so it would not run i heard him opening it from another room..... then lies about it says " you must have done it". then insisted it ran and we need a new machine LMAO
literally pulled out dirty utensils ( no he did not wash) and dishes then was INSULTED when i said "NO thanks" to him making me breakfast using dirty dishes
takes credit for any plan that works well.... treats me as his assistant need to run errands send texts check on status of things etc and remind him of things but do not do it too often that is nagging......
loses things often and insists I hid them .......first this started as a joke that i never found funny........ now i think he really buys into it.... gas-lighting maybe?
Never wants to talk UNLESS i put on headphones or something ..........Then he has a never ending supply of questions and comments....
He has driven by my work ( i have been there 3 months) to see what my boss looks like to see if he is attractive.... boss is in a relationship and i am NOT interested there is nothing there.
Small insane petty moves over and over again....... that can only just designed to piss me off..... so i am the angry B
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Post by lonelyhubby on Feb 6, 2024 9:35:19 GMT -5
Sounds like he has major control issues, is very insecure or for lack of a better word - just plain nuts.
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Post by week5of35years on Feb 6, 2024 10:12:34 GMT -5
it is not so much a specific thing as much a pattern ....... we all have had i am sure he fesses up he could be more we should connect ....he does some nice gesture........ i am leery at first then feel like i should let my guard down and BAM. he goes back to all his usual items ...... he purposely does item to make things difficult ....... example: he is upset if i run dishwasher while he is watching TV in Another room etc........ so i have a delayed start to run overnight and i can unload in morning.... he opened and left door ajar so it would not run i heard him opening it from another room..... then lies about it says " you must have done it". then insisted it ran and we need a new machine LMAO literally pulled out dirty utensils ( no he did not wash) and dishes then was INSULTED when i said "NO thanks" to him making me breakfast using dirty dishes takes credit for any plan that works well.... treats me as his assistant need to run errands send texts check on status of things etc and remind him of things but do not do it too often that is nagging...... loses things often and insists I hid them .......first this started as a joke that i never found funny........ now i think he really buys into it.... gas-lighting maybe? Never wants to talk UNLESS i put on headphones or something ..........Then he has a never ending supply of questions and comments.... He has driven by my work ( i have been there 3 months) to see what my boss looks like to see if he is attractive.... boss is in a relationship and i am NOT interested there is nothing there. Small insane petty moves over and over again....... that can only just designed to piss me off..... so i am the angry B - this makes me so cross.... my W did this to me over small stupid stuff and my god it super pissed me off... this may sound petty but one day I open the cutlery drawer (I do most of the cooking) and there is a whole load of our old knives, forks spoons in there that were previously in the back of some cupboard somewhere.. I say... why did you put the old stuff back in the drawer... "I did not" she says and then maintains that position..... "so who did put them in there, the fucking dog I say".... "don't know she says"... I mean why would you do that shit, unless you have a proper dementia problem you are going to remember unwrapping 3lbs of cutlery and putting it in the drawer - - -WTF.... so a month later I put my towel in the wash and get a new towel out... have a shower... put my towel in the airing cupboard to dry...next morning there are two towels in their (just mine in that place) so I say why did you get me an extra towel I just got a clean one yesterday.... "never did that" she said.... Its small and petty but I lost my nut.... I said "are you trying to drive me fucking insane?" and she looks at me like I am mad... "why did you put the towel in the airing cupboard when i already had one".... and deny, repeat and deny repeat.. she did it to piss me off and a few weeks later I sat down and had The Talk and now she has other things to occupy her mind and no more petty shit has happened.... go figure...... |
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Post by isthisit on Feb 6, 2024 19:05:42 GMT -5
it is not so much a specific thing as much a pattern ....... we all have had i am sure he fesses up he could be more we should connect ....he does some nice gesture........ i am leery at first then feel like i should let my guard down and BAM. he goes back to all his usual items ...... he purposely does item to make things difficult ....... example: he is upset if i run dishwasher while he is watching TV in Another room etc........ so i have a delayed start to run overnight and i can unload in morning.... he opened and left door ajar so it would not run i heard him opening it from another room..... then lies about it says " you must have done it". then insisted it ran and we need a new machine LMAO literally pulled out dirty utensils ( no he did not wash) and dishes then was INSULTED when i said "NO thanks" to him making me breakfast using dirty dishes takes credit for any plan that works well.... treats me as his assistant need to run errands send texts check on status of things etc and remind him of things but do not do it too often that is nagging...... loses things often and insists I hid them .......first this started as a joke that i never found funny........ now i think he really buys into it.... gas-lighting maybe? Never wants to talk UNLESS i put on headphones or something ..........Then he has a never ending supply of questions and comments.... He has driven by my work ( i have been there 3 months) to see what my boss looks like to see if he is attractive.... boss is in a relationship and i am NOT interested there is nothing there. Small insane petty moves over and over again....... that can only just designed to piss me off..... so i am the angry B - this makes me so cross.... my W did this to me over small stupid stuff and my god it super pissed me off... this may sound petty but one day I open the cutlery drawer (I do most of the cooking) and there is a whole load of our old knives, forks spoons in there that were previously in the back of some cupboard somewhere.. I say... why did you put the old stuff back in the drawer... "I did not" she says and then maintains that position..... "so who did put them in there, the fucking dog I say".... "don't know she says"... I mean why would you do that shit, unless you have a proper dementia problem you are going to remember unwrapping 3lbs of cutlery and putting it in the drawer - - -WTF.... so a month later I put my towel in the wash and get a new towel out... have a shower... put my towel in the airing cupboard to dry...next morning there are two towels in their (just mine in that place) so I say why did you get me an extra towel I just got a clean one yesterday.... "never did that" she said.... Its small and petty but I lost my nut.... I said "are you trying to drive me fucking insane?" and she looks at me like I am mad... "why did you put the towel in the airing cupboard when i already had one".... and deny, repeat and deny repeat.. she did it to piss me off and a few weeks later I sat down and had The Talk and now she has other things to occupy her mind and no more petty shit has happened.... go figure...... Gaslighting. A mind-fuck of the highest order. In my marriage I can’t complain that H attempted this with me, he is not like that. What might be worse is that I gaslighted myself. Yup, anything I thought or felt which caused me to question whether I was happy in the marriage was immediately dismissed in my own mind as rubbish- because it was far too difficult to comprehend or acknowledge let alone accept. So, I was “wrong” for thinking and feeling as I did, I should just try a little harder to be perfect and all would be well. Because doing the “right” thing, is doing the right thing. Isn’t it? Add in a sprinkle of avoidance dressed up as selflessness, and hey presto, I lost two decades of my life. Daft girl that I was. |
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Post by toughtiger on Feb 7, 2024 10:10:35 GMT -5
I am very glad i found a place where others can see and understand ............it is not the big things but marriage death by 1000 cuts........
he did not put in his hearing aids in yesterday they were not charged.... but in evening when we had a difference of opinion and i stated my case he said i was yelling at him and hurt his ears because of the hearing aids
told him "yep across the room in a charger i can see how that would happen" ... went to bedroom never spoke to him all night....
he did this and does other similar things if he thinks he is losing the discussion....... this is like a little kid....
So many people in my life tell me it is MY issue.......... and to "let go of all the small things" but they have never experienced this BS for no reason but to anger me or create work for me.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 7, 2024 10:35:03 GMT -5
I am very glad i found a place where others can see and understand ............it is not the big things but marriage death by 1000 cuts........ he did not put in his hearing aids in yesterday they were not charged.... but in evening when we had a difference of opinion and i stated my case he said i was yelling at him and hurt his ears because of the hearing aids told him "yep across the room in a charger i can see how that would happen" ... went to bedroom never spoke to him all night.... he did this and does other similar things if he thinks he is losing the discussion....... this is like a little kid.... So many people in my life tell me it is MY issue.......... and to "let go of all the small things" but they have never experienced this BS for no reason but to anger me or create work for me. Sounds like your H pulls DARVO. on you frequently ..Denial, Avoidance, Reversal, playing Victim,... You are correct, these continued, "small things- death by a thousand cuts" are not small but a HUGE never ending battle. So how do you handle it? There will be people in your life ( work, neighbors, relatives,etc...) that you can "let it go"- by basically avoiding them as much as possible and put up enough of a boundary by telling them " I will talk to you when you are ready to listen". Not as easy in a marriage- comes back to the stay or leave question? |
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Post by csl on Feb 8, 2024 7:35:05 GMT -5
Hearing aids? OH, you just plucked my Devilment string!
Watch this, and start doing what Peanut did. The actual devilment begins at about 1:45 of the clip, but the whole vid is funny throughout
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Post by jim44444 on Feb 8, 2024 15:50:59 GMT -5
. he did not put in his hearing aids in yesterday they were not charged.... but in evening when we had a difference of opinion and i stated my case he said i was yelling at him and hurt his ears because of the hearing aids told him "yep across the room in a charger i can see how that would happen" ... went to bedroom never spoke to him all night.... I have read some crazy shit on this forum but toughtiger has now raised the crazy bar to a new level. |
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Post by toughtiger on Feb 8, 2024 22:20:47 GMT -5
. he did not put in his hearing aids in yesterday they were not charged.... but in evening when we had a difference of opinion and i stated my case he said i was yelling at him and hurt his ears because of the hearing aids told him "yep across the room in a charger i can see how that would happen" ... went to bedroom never spoke to him all night.... I have read some crazy shit on this forum but toughtiger has now raised the crazy bar to a new level. thank you this made me laugh.... i am realizing how crazy this stuff sounds. tonight we were included in a group text with family ... I saw him text back but nothing appeared on my phone ......... I thought he was a douche in not responding to group then i remembered ...........i blocked his number 3 1/2 weeks ago and never even noticed it....... how sad is that a married couple with so little to to communicate ........ ever. |
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Post by aquacat on Feb 9, 2024 8:39:35 GMT -5
This topic hits me hard. When my wife and I were dating we did more sexual things than we do now. Once we got married I should have noticed the reg flags right after. The frequency dried up, she stopped with oral and suddenly it was disgusting to her, and when I asked her why she said she did it when we were dating and was afraid I'd leave if she didn't.
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Feb 9, 2024 8:44:39 GMT -5
This topic hits me hard. When my wife and I were dating we did more sexual things than we do now. Once we got married I should have noticed the reg flags right after. The frequency dried up, she stopped with oral and suddenly it was disgusting to her, and when I asked her why she said she did it when we were dating and was afraid I'd leave if she didn't. Locked you in and then figured she didn't need to put any effort in. Familiar story here. |
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Feb 9, 2024 9:26:09 GMT -5
I have read some crazy shit on this forum but toughtiger has now raised the crazy bar to a new level. thank you this made me laugh.... i am realizing how crazy this stuff sounds. tonight we were included in a group text with family ... I saw him text back but nothing appeared on my phone ......... I thought he was a douche in not responding to group then i remembered ...........i blocked his number 3 1/2 weeks ago and never even noticed it....... how sad is that a married couple with so little to to communicate ........ ever. That communication thing hits me the same way. My wife literally has voices in her head that tells her she had told me about important details concerning kids schedules. I ask her twice and she says I already told you.. me and 18 year old look at each other like we both couldn't have missed it😝. The struggle is real |
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