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Post by aquacat on Feb 9, 2024 15:12:39 GMT -5
This topic hits me hard. When my wife and I were dating we did more sexual things than we do now. Once we got married I should have noticed the reg flags right after. The frequency dried up, she stopped with oral and suddenly it was disgusting to her, and when I asked her why she said she did it when we were dating and was afraid I'd leave if she didn't. Locked you in and then figured she didn't need to put any effort in. Familiar story here. Pretty much. Which really stinks because I rushed into this relationship. I was too young to realize until it was too late. I feel like I am being punished for being sexual with a few ladies before my wife. |
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m76
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Post by m76 on Feb 9, 2024 15:18:17 GMT -5
Locked you in and then figured she didn't need to put any effort in. Familiar story here. Pretty much. Which really stinks because I rushed into this relationship. I was too young to realize until it was too late. I feel like I am being punished for being sexual with a few ladies before my wife. I also rushed in. I got married at 22, my wife is the only person I've dated and we met in grade 8. By grade 11 we were pretty physical any chance we got. Sex dropped off a bit after we got engaged, dropped some more after we were married and then when I suggested kids it picked up again and then after my second kid, the sex was gone. I was too young and stupid to see the warning signs then. I remember my dad telling me before I got married that I don't need to rush and there were plenty of fish in the sea. Somethings we just need to learn ourselves. |
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Post by isthisit on Feb 9, 2024 16:38:44 GMT -5
This topic hits me hard. When my wife and I were dating we did more sexual things than we do now. Once we got married I should have noticed the reg flags right after. The frequency dried up, she stopped with oral and suddenly it was disgusting to her, and when I asked her why she said she did it when we were dating and was afraid I'd leave if she didn't. Locked you in and then figured she didn't need to put any effort in. Familiar story here. One more here for the locked me in and then felt safe to get selfish, lazy, complacent and neglectful. In my case it wasn’t after the wedding, that is easy enough to undo- and I would have done. The man waited until I was pregnant (after 5 years of very happy marriage and a stellar sex life) to abruptly pull the plug on the life I thought I would always lead. And no, not a Madonna/whore thing in my case, something altogether different. He knew I wouldn’t jeopardise the family unit and so, I was trapped for 17 years. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 9, 2024 16:58:37 GMT -5
Locked you in and then figured she didn't need to put any effort in. Familiar story here. One more here for the locked me in and then felt safe to get selfish, lazy, complacent and neglectful. In my case it wasn’t after the wedding, that is easy enough to undo- and I would have done. The man waited until I was pregnant (after 5 years of very happy marriage and a stellar sex life) to abruptly pull the plug on the life I thought I would always lead. And no, not a Madonna/whore thing in my case, something altogether different. He knew I wouldn’t jeopardise the family unit and so, I was trapped for 17 years. This goes a long way toward understanding how he held you in the marriage. Did you find out or figure out why he became sexless with you? 5 yrs. is a long time to enjoy an excellent sex life and then suddenly have it end. |
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Post by isthisit on Feb 9, 2024 17:07:17 GMT -5
One more here for the locked me in and then felt safe to get selfish, lazy, complacent and neglectful. In my case it wasn’t after the wedding, that is easy enough to undo- and I would have done. The man waited until I was pregnant (after 5 years of very happy marriage and a stellar sex life) to abruptly pull the plug on the life I thought I would always lead. And no, not a Madonna/whore thing in my case, something altogether different. He knew I wouldn’t jeopardise the family unit and so, I was trapped for 17 years. This goes a long way toward understanding how he held you in the marriage. Did you find out or figure out why he became sexless with you? 5 yrs. is a long time to enjoy an excellent sex life and then suddenly have it end. Yes I did work it out eventually, and this realisation was quite helpful. I understood that it was not something he could help, and was not something he could change. So, this was my life, forever. I think resilience and hope had helped me hang on up to that point, and then once hope was gone I understood that resilience can be as unhelpful in life as it can be helpful. I had no choice but to go, to survive. I now love my life and am very content and happy. That poor girl in that M feels like someone other than me. |
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 9, 2024 22:37:54 GMT -5
That communication thing hits me the same way. My wife literally has voices in her head that tells her she had told me about important details concerning kids schedules. I ask her twice and she says I already told you.. me and 18 year old look at each other like we both couldn't have missed it😝. The struggle is real Possibility… she did tell these details to a man in her life, but she’s forgetting that he wasn’t you! DC |
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Post by aquacat on Feb 9, 2024 23:12:10 GMT -5
Pretty much. Which really stinks because I rushed into this relationship. I was too young to realize until it was too late. I feel like I am being punished for being sexual with a few ladies before my wife. I also rushed in. I got married at 22, my wife is the only person I've dated and we met in grade 8. By grade 11 we were pretty physical any chance we got. Sex dropped off a bit after we got engaged, dropped some more after we were married and then when I suggested kids it picked up again and then after my second kid, the sex was gone. I was too young and stupid to see the warning signs then. I remember my dad telling me before I got married that I don't need to rush and there were plenty of fish in the sea. Somethings we just need to learn ourselves. Yep, same here. She was very interested in sex when we were trying for our kids. It was every other day until she got pregnant and it didn’t take long. I went over a year and a half after she first discovered she was pregnant with the first one. She refused sex her entire pregnancy and several months after. With our second one I nearly cried after she found out she was pregnant because I knew it would be totally sexless for over a year after, and I was right. |
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Missingout
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Post by Missingout on Feb 10, 2024 6:32:19 GMT -5
That communication thing hits me the same way. My wife literally has voices in her head that tells her she had told me about important details concerning kids schedules. I ask her twice and she says I already told you.. me and 18 year old look at each other like we both couldn't have missed it😝. The struggle is real Possibility… she did tell these details to a man in her life, but she’s forgetting that he wasn’t you! DC If only that was the case DC… leaving would be soo much easier. |
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Post by toughtiger on Feb 10, 2024 7:00:10 GMT -5
well another weekend same deal
he wants crap food I do not enjoy and he thinks he is doing me a favor so "I do not have to cook" .... told him "listen dude i never HAVE to do a damn thing.... like all the items you do NOT do like sex ... so go f your pizza "
HE told me how much WE enjoyed this crap pizza ..... which translates to HE enjoyed it .......so get in line and be an extension of him have no opinions. It is not a good restaurant for food .........but in the neighborhood so he has less time away from his deep hole on the couch...
I just told him not interested the fat ass can eat the whole thing.... do not speak to him he plays victim as he " has NO IDEA" why i am always so upset or angry maybe i should check with a doctor or therapist.....LMAO
I am addressing this again this weekend telling him in roommate agreement... "he should plan his own meals/ etc since we do NOT have a marriage."
i literally say these things loud and clear and he acts if he has no clue i was unhappy ..... like WTH no one can be this oblivious.....or if he ACTS like all is well it is....
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Missingout
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Post by Missingout on Feb 10, 2024 7:19:25 GMT -5
well another weekend same deal he wants crap food I do not enjoy and he thinks he is doing me a favor so "I do not have to cook" .... told him "listen dude i never HAVE to do a damn thing.... like all the items you do NOT do like sex ... so go f your pizza " HE told me how much WE enjoyed this crap pizza ..... which translates to HE enjoyed it .......so get in line and be an extension of him have no opinions. It is not a good restaurant for food .........but in the neighborhood so he has less time away from his deep hole on the couch... I just told him not interested the fat ass can eat the whole thing.... do not speak to him he plays victim as he " has NO IDEA" why i am always so upset or angry maybe i should check with a doctor or therapist.....LMAO I am addressing this again this weekend telling him in roommate agreement... "he should plan his own meals/ etc since we do NOT have a marriage." i literally say these things loud and clear and he acts if he has no clue i was unhappy ..... like WTH no one can be this oblivious.....or if he ACTS like all is well it is.... Well at least he goes out. My wife is a hermit. Trying to figure out if she is refusing to go out now because she thinks she has to put out if she does. It’s pathetic . I just go out with my daughters and enjoy there company and introducing them to all the other foods options like sushi right now. I will take them out to different restaurants and I think the wife is jealous of her own kids. She still can’t get the strength to just do the simple things in life. |
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Post by toughtiger on Feb 10, 2024 7:34:59 GMT -5
Well at least he goes out. My wife is a hermit. Trying to figure out if she is refusing to go out now because she thinks she has to put out if she does. It’s pathetic . I just go out with my daughters and enjoy there company and introducing them to all the other foods options like sushi right now. I will take them out to different restaurants and I think the wife is jealous of her own kids. She still can’t get the strength to just do the simple things in life. I am just amazed all over again each time he does this stuff..... when he does not DECIDE for us....... he spends an hour discussing all the places we COULD go ... at a certain point i go make a sandwich and say "OH were you serious i thought this was a comedy routine" .... I told him to man up and just pick a category of food ...quit this joke of him pretending he is open and flexible on anything is a sham and i am tired and done with it. i do not have anyone to go out to eat with. kids have their own life ..... so i guess i will just have to go alone more... I wanted sushi but was not on his radar ..........he wanted this mess all along but wasted my time pretending he was open to other options.... just done with the pretense now literally in every category of marriage ...... i know i will not be getting what i want........ just like the bedroom so i will plan dinner for one from now on.... yet another DIY item like our sex life. |
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Missingout
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Post by Missingout on Feb 10, 2024 8:10:54 GMT -5
Well at least he goes out. My wife is a hermit. Trying to figure out if she is refusing to go out now because she thinks she has to put out if she does. It’s pathetic . I just go out with my daughters and enjoy there company and introducing them to all the other foods options like sushi right now. I will take them out to different restaurants and I think the wife is jealous of her own kids. She still can’t get the strength to just do the simple things in life. I am just amazed all over again each time he does this stuff..... when he does not DECIDE for us....... he spends an hour discussing all the places we COULD go ... at a certain point i go make a sandwich and say "OH were you serious i thought this was a comedy routine" .... I told him to man up and just pick a category of food ...quit this joke of him pretending he is open and flexible on anything is a sham and i am tired and done with it. i do not have anyone to go out to eat with. kids have their own life ..... so i guess i will just have to go alone more... I wanted sushi but was not on his radar ..........he wanted this mess all along but wasted my time pretending he was open to other options.... just done with the pretense now literally in every category of marriage ...... i know i will not be getting what i want........ just like the bedroom so i will plan dinner for one from now on.... yet another DIY item like our sex life. I have gone for sushi by myself before.. sooo while he is taking an hour to decide slip out and go get sushi by your self and pick up a young stunner on the way for company😂🤣 |
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 10, 2024 11:27:24 GMT -5
i literally say these things loud and clear and he acts if he has no clue i was unhappy ..... like WTH no one can be this oblivious.....or if he ACTS like all is well it is.... I guarantee that when you serve him with divorce papers, he will be “shocked and clueless” that you were so discontent, despite years of you being very vocal. |
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Post by isthisit on Feb 10, 2024 15:08:56 GMT -5
Oooooooh, yes. I have the t-shirt for this one too. When I dropped the bomb I was astonished by H’s response. After at least two years of conversations where I made it very clear about how lonely and unhappy I was in the marriage, let alone the panda-like levels of libido, he managed to filter out every syllable. The master of avoidance was “blindsided” and completely unprepared for the outcome. It wasn’t an act, he completely fell apart and was unable to work for five months and heavy GP involvement was needed to keep him safe. Afterward I asked how he managed to be so unprepared when I had explicitly said “we are going to end up divorced if you are not willing to listen to me”. He remembered the conversations, but the words never penetrated his consciousness at all. He told me there wasn’t anything I could have said to get him to realise. He was simply choosing to avoid the reality. Today I can see that my responsibilities were confined to clearly and consistently expressing what was on my mind. The rest was on him. It was never my job to get him to understand what he chose not to hear. toughtiger please don’t dement yourself trying to get this pillock to understand. Invest that energy in yourself. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 10, 2024 16:28:32 GMT -5
Today I can see that my responsibilities were confined to clearly and consistently expressing what was on my mind. The rest was on him. It was never my job to get him to understand what he chose not to hear. This reminds me something my X said shortly after she had moved. We had been to a hardware to pick up something she needed and she wanted my advise. As we sat in her driveway talking our divorce came up. She stated "she never thought she would be divorced a 2nd time". I said nothing but thought to myself, all the talks we had where I expressed how unhappy I was, and that I could not continue in a marriage where there was no love or intimacy. 4-5 times at least. Yet the divorce came as a shock to her. |
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