muzack
Junior Member
Posts: 79 
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Post by muzack on Oct 8, 2023 7:34:40 GMT -5
Interesting day.
Child was at all day school event. Wife had ladies game night planned.
I helped clean the house, did yard work, went to lunch with wife at typical restaurant, normal Saturday stuff.
All the guests bailed, party cancelled, I went to gym as I had planned.
I came home, sat on the couch and got ready for a night of TV watching before picking up child at school.
Wife looks at me and says "Let's go to the bedroom and fool around."
Once there, she started a conversation about our sexual disconnect. She suggested we try some foreplay and gave feedback on what she enjoyed (She's never been much into foreplay. More an "I'm ready, dive in, better be done soon" situation in the past.)
While giving me a back message, I ask about turning over so she can message my chest. She says sure. Next thing I know, she has mounted me cowgirl position and is putting in more effort than I have seen from her in 20 years. After finishing we had cuddle time and she discussed how she has neglected me sexually in the past and the increased frequency she wants to have in the future.
Bullet points:
First PIV in well over a year.
First sexual encounter of any type in 10 or 11 months.
First non starfish sex in about 6 or 7 years.
First cowgirl attempt in over a decade and first successful completion of that method in our 23 year marriage.
Not reset sex, haven't had any form of "The talk". This came totally out of the blue.
Not sure how to take this exactly, but I'm cautiously optomistic to see how things proceed the rest of the year.
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 8, 2023 8:49:25 GMT -5
WOW! I'm speechless! ( then again, over 6000 posts, I do have thoughts and questions!! LOL!)
There's just far to many " what if?? " about your W.
instead answer this, if you like?
How did that make you feel?
personally .... my wall would remain up and I would be highly suspicious of her hidden motives.
With past experience of living a SM you have every right to guard your heart ,and relay a strong " I don't trust you " approach. Your trust must be earned. and THAT will take time.
Proceed with caution.
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Post by toughtiger on Oct 8, 2023 9:46:12 GMT -5
Sounds like she took up the initiating / the acknowledgment of past issues / the incorporating foreplay and other items...
first thought she had her libido boost and wants better experience then previous. Has she been doing anything different lately?... there is a reason she did a 180 turnaround.....
i went on a exercise kick a couple years ago really revved up my needs but no help from him no matter what i did.
Some spouses find new interest in sex and if she felt turned on by outside source and brought new attitude home?
sometimes even if nothing happened some may feel like they should bring home new interest in the bedroom home.
finally she thinks you are considering leaving or quit trying to attempt things and nothing spurs some people more then being ignored.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 8, 2023 14:13:30 GMT -5
Any chance she found your posts here?
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muzack
Junior Member
Posts: 79
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Post by muzack on Oct 8, 2023 17:15:06 GMT -5
There's just far to many " what if?? " about your W. instead answer this, if you like? How did that make you feel? personally .... my wall would remain up and I would be highly suspicious of her hidden motives. With past experience of living a SM you have every right to guard your heart ,and relay a strong " I don't trust you " approach. Your trust must be earned. and THAT will take time. In the moment, I feel great. I had been praying for patience and change for quite a while. I am cautious, but trying to he optimistic. If this path continues, awesome. If it doesn't, it was still a great night to remember. |
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Post by catlover on Oct 8, 2023 17:25:56 GMT -5
I'm officially jealous
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muzack
Junior Member
Posts: 79
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Post by muzack on Oct 8, 2023 17:35:09 GMT -5
Sounds like she took up the initiating / the acknowledgment of past issues / the incorporating foreplay and other items... first thought she had her libido boost and wants better experience then previous. Has she been doing anything different lately?... there is a reason she did a 180 turnaround..... i went on a exercise kick a couple years ago really revved up my needs but no help from him no matter what i did. Some spouses find new interest in sex and if she felt turned on by outside source and brought new attitude home? sometimes even if nothing happened some may feel like they should bring home new interest in the bedroom home. finally she thinks you are considering leaving or quit trying to attempt things and nothing spurs some people more then being ignored. She has long acknowledged that our lack of physical intimacy was an issue and understood her views / expectations about sex were messed up. She hated the sexless label, but admitted it was an accurate description.
Hmm...recent changes....
Menopause is kicking in. She is now almost three months since last cycle. A long time mentor died unexpectedly. This kicked off some life examination "What have I accomplished." mid-life type thoughts. Diagnosed as pre-diabetic. Started getting more serious about losing weight and has been swimming at the gym 2-3 times a week. Had a brief cancer scare when they called her for a follow up to her mammogram. (Followup found nothing to worry about.)
I've given no indication of leaving. If anything, I have been more attentive and connected to her. I have been more focused on improving myself and vocal about doing things I enjoy but have put off because it wasn't something she was part of. i.e. Started backpacking for first time in 30+ years, joined meetup group for campers / hikers, got the piercing I had wanted for years...and that didn't interfere the cowgirl one bit  Maybe there is some truth to assertiveness making you more attractive. |
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muzack
Junior Member
Posts: 79
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Post by muzack on Oct 8, 2023 17:36:22 GMT -5
Any chance she found your posts here? I've told her before that I use this site as an online support group. Nothing I've posted here is something I wouldn't or haven't told her. |
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diode
Junior Member
Posts: 78
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Post by diode on Oct 8, 2023 18:17:35 GMT -5
Any chance she found your posts here? I've told her before that I use this site as an online support group. Nothing I've posted here is something I wouldn't or haven't told her. Hmmmmm... |
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 9, 2023 7:06:06 GMT -5
Any chance she found your posts here? I've told her before that I use this site as an online support group. Nothing I've posted here is something I wouldn't or haven't told her. But there's plenty that other people can tell her. ILIASM has left a trail of marriage corpses behind it. It could be shocking to see how well you have managed the frustration, thus far. She can see numerous tales of secret outsourcing, fed by feeling of entitlement/betrayal from refusers' indifference. Terrifying or heartbreaking stuff for an inadvertent/reluctant refuser like Mrs. Muzack. She can read others' anguish, not just yours. It could convey the thoughtlessness of the refuser in a way she does not want to attribute to herself. There's a DeadBedroom reddit post cited here at ILIASM in which a refuser wife read about teh torment of many other husbands and was aghast that she'd caused similar suffering to her husband and did a hard 180. Maybe that happened. Lastly, the exercise kick? Its antidepressant effects are well documented. Cardiovascular health encourages blood flow to multiple anatomical systems. Not just heart and brain. All of them. If you follow me. If she has lost weight, she may be experiencing improved body image. She may more easily feel sexy. As dumb as that sounds to us, she has to feel as though you should want her, not mere knowledge that you do. Finally, with the improved health, hormonal recalibration may be producing spikes in lust. Mrs. MirrorOrchid initiates every three weeks, pretty regularly. I've attributed it to a critical mass of hormones that allow her to feel the bare minimum of lust to engage me. Maybe Mrs. Muzack is capable of that much now, with all the other factors opening the door. Do you buy her flowers? If not, maybe now. Romantic wives get flowers. |
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Post by toughtiger on Oct 9, 2023 10:40:19 GMT -5
She has long acknowledged that our lack of physical intimacy was an issue and understood her views / expectations about sex were messed up. She hated the sexless label, but admitted it was an accurate description.
Hmm...recent changes....
Menopause is kicking in. She is now almost three months since last cycle. A long time mentor died unexpectedly. This kicked off some life examination "What have I accomplished." mid-life type thoughts. Diagnosed as pre-diabetic. Started getting more serious about losing weight and has been swimming at the gym 2-3 times a week. Had a brief cancer scare when they called her for a follow up to her mammogram. (Followup found nothing to worry about.)
I've given no indication of leaving. If anything, I have been more attentive and connected to her. I have been more focused on improving myself and vocal about doing things I enjoy but have put off because it wasn't something she was part of. i.e. Started backpacking for first time in 30+ years, joined meetup group for campers / hikers, got the piercing I had wanted for years...and that didn't interfere the cowgirl one bit Maybe there is some truth to assertiveness making you more attractive. Sounds like the perfect storm ........ NOT all women when they hit menopause lose libido that IMO is a myth the other items can make one think about is this really how they want to live and exercise releases endorphins...... you doing things you want to and not putting it off...... can also be a spark ... you did not need to hint at leaving but doing things may have an underlying effect so hopefully this action continues.... for what ever reason the cowgirl now wants to be in the rodeo. |
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Post by lessingham on Oct 11, 2023 4:53:26 GMT -5
Souns like the amazing u turn we all dream of. Well done indeed
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Post by sweetplumeria on Oct 11, 2023 5:34:53 GMT -5
Lol, maybe she is the unicorn.
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Post by aquacat on Oct 13, 2023 7:49:50 GMT -5
That's great to hear!! I wish my wife would be that enthusiastic and want to initiate like that. I've asked for her to be on top and she complains that it hurts, same with from behind.
I'm curious why she did the 180 as well.
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muzack
Junior Member
Posts: 79
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Post by muzack on Oct 14, 2023 23:42:25 GMT -5
Had sex again today. Can't remember sex two weeks in a row except when we were trying to conceive. The train is still on the rails and I'm not quite sure why.
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