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Post by h on Sept 7, 2023 5:12:15 GMT -5
Oops. Yes, that came across as accusatory. Refusers think any extramaritally sex is cheating, informed or not. Justified or not. Thus I refer to it also as "secret", which is not particularly judgmental. And it's only secret for him. Poor choice of words on my part. The self-inflicted fear is unfortunate. Dedication to my wife was my intention when I started dating. Happily, it never really got anywhere. You're very correct in that refusers think any extramarital sex is cheating. I recently had that brief conversation with my wife. It wasn't about us, but another group of people. The man openly has 3 "wives" (polygamy isn't legal here so they may not have it legally binding), has kids with all three, and they all know about each other. Her position was obviously disapproving but I responded more with apathy. They are ok with it and it doesn't affect us so why should we care? They don't need our approval to live in whatever arrangement they want and the women all get along with each other. Before that, we had a discussion about our neighbors who may have a "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement. Wife is out of town and husband has frequent visitors. Again, our positions were the same. She disapproves. I say if they're ok with it, why does it matter? |
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Post by mirrororchid on Sept 14, 2023 6:10:04 GMT -5
Oops. Yes, that came across as accusatory. Refusers think any extramarital sex is cheating, informed or not. Justified or not. Thus I refer to it also as "secret", which is not particularly judgmental. And it's only secret for him. Poor choice of words on my part. The self-inflicted fear is unfortunate. Dedication to my wife was my intention when I started dating. Happily, it never really got anywhere. You're very correct in that refusers think any extramarital sex is cheating. I recently had that brief conversation with my wife. It wasn't about us, but another group of people. The man openly has 3 "wives" (polygamy isn't legal here so they may not have it legally binding), has kids with all three, and they all know about each other. Her position was obviously disapproving but I responded more with apathy. They are ok with it and it doesn't affect us so why should we care? They don't need our approval to live in whatever arrangement they want and the women all get along with each other. Before that, we had a discussion about our neighbors who may have a "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement. Wife is out of town and husband has frequent visitors. Again, our positions were the same. She disapproves. I say if they're ok with it, why does it matter? Maybe she thinks it matters because it could give you ideas? Maybe it should. |
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Post by h on Sept 20, 2023 12:53:07 GMT -5
You're very correct in that refusers think any extramarital sex is cheating. I recently had that brief conversation with my wife. It wasn't about us, but another group of people. The man openly has 3 "wives" (polygamy isn't legal here so they may not have it legally binding), has kids with all three, and they all know about each other. Her position was obviously disapproving but I responded more with apathy. They are ok with it and it doesn't affect us so why should we care? They don't need our approval to live in whatever arrangement they want and the women all get along with each other. Before that, we had a discussion about our neighbors who may have a "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement. Wife is out of town and husband has frequent visitors. Again, our positions were the same. She disapproves. I say if they're ok with it, why does it matter? Maybe she thinks it matters because it could give you ideas? Maybe it should. I've had those ideas for years, but none of my friends or family would be accepting of that. My wife would definitely divorce me if I suggested an arrangement like that. I actually planned on bringing it up eventually, but not until I'm financially ready to divorce. When I am, I'll give her the choice: we can stay together and change the arrangement of our marriage to allow me to get my needs met, or if she's not interested in a compromise then we can go our separate ways. I already know what she'll pick so I need to be prepared for that first. |
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