Increasingly, I am concerned.
You layer one sheet of great distaste for your husband atop another and it does a disservice to both of you.
Living with someone you dislike so strongly doesn't make sense and there are two direction to go.
1) Leave your husband before you want to kill him.
2) Change your mindset and begin to hate your roommate less, with the goal of liking him.
I have heard that men treat love like a light switch. You push the switch down, down, down, until *snap*. It's off. Love is gone.
On the flips side of the analogy, women treat love like a dimmer switch. Love more, more, more, love brightly. Less, less, less, gone. This explains to me the phenomena of "shit tests" and "monkey branching", abusing men that women tell themselves and, to some degree still do, "love", until another prospect rescues them from a relationship gone stale or bad.
There may be internal mechanisms by which women will talk themselves out of a relationship. Nitpicking minor complaints into a pile of "cons" that outweigh the pros and alternate plans are fielded.
You have a shelf-breaking "con". He has become a roommate. He does not love you intimately. Deal breaking stuff.
Yet the agitated anger with him seethes. I burn with pain for you both. You have been wronged, and you fire off volley after volley of contempt and taunting, all of it justifiable and deserved, but it has a taste of revenge behind it and it's using up valuable time and energy you could invest in a new partner. A partner who will provide intimate companionship, perhaps as a second husband, or perhaps as a lover who supplements the otherwise functional housing and financial arrangement you have. (assuming that is what you share)
Men/women/lovers come and go, but a spouse can be there by your side until death. Either your husband is that man, but you'll need some lovers to come and go as the two of you see each other into one of your graves, or, if you are one of those people that must have spouse and lover in one, leave him ASAP with the last shreds of gratitude and affection for him in your heart and let those buds of positivity regrow into a small blossom you can keep with you.
I have the concern you are turning your dimmer switch all the way to "OFF" in order to justify leaving, and I'm suggesting maybe you'd do better to unscrew the bulb and turn the dimmer up. Embrace the good in your husband and stay with him as a amiable roommate, or leave him with love in your heart. Anger and/or hate for your ex or your roommate detracts from the wonderful life you will make for yourself someday, or tomorrow. You can stop deciding to love him less, for your sake, and you'll show him kindness, which you can both be pleased about.
I apologize in advance for being dead wrong about your relationship/dynamic and utter misreading of your reports of your husband's poor behavior. My concerns overrode my good sense and I seek healing that may be unnecessary or impossible. I want both of you happier and I offer inaccuracies and unsolicited advice to salve my meaningless, exaggerated, misguided, selfish empathy.
Thank you for the critique .........I have gone back and forth with this....
I look at him and want to but can no longer see the man i was happy with we have 3 kids in their 30s this is a very long term thing met when i was 17 he is older....
I have talked with a counselor type friend and i was trying to put online friend out of picture he is married and wants to wait til death due them part ........trying to be best roommates who used to love each other.... ... but i am always showing any effort.
He seems oblivious that i am unhappy / alone and miserable ..... even when i told him exactly that..... in those words...he danced around mocking me saying" I am lonely" .
I have been more appreciative when he does things and try to compliment him occasionally. I try to be there but it is miserable he wants to sit on his behind and watch TV til death .... says me going out to do yard work or walk for exercise............ ruins his streaming experience as this is something we can do together lol so good sit on ass and perhaps measure them to see who gets wider faster.........is my take on this.
He was more talkative and asked about my day......... cannot stress how blue moon rare that is.... but today as he mumbles something and I was in another room / tv was on and i did NOT hear whatever he said he glared at me .... and ran out slamming the door..... i have no idea why ..... then i realized i did NOT care why either....
i should leave .........but am happy with job and local friends and if i leave .....i will move far away and start over again ........
I have moved and started over for him several times but now happy with job to finish the last decade or so of work until i am old enough to retire .........
do not see me finding place here very overpriced areas....
