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Post by h on Oct 2, 2020 6:57:06 GMT -5
lessingham , this is what we call “feeding the bad dog”. Don’t reward bad behavior. Crush it. If she is being unreasonable, cutoff her visibility / access to your finances. It’s heavy-handed, but I kinda like the idea of closing joint accounts and making her responsible for managing her own allowance if she’s going to be difficult. This likely has no bearing on joint ownership of the assets (and perhaps even the debt) in a divorce, but until then it rights a wrong. I entered marriage with a strong “team” ethic - everything is joint. I regret that now. Decisions that I used to make with autonomy became committee decisions with excess justification and “analysis paralysis”. Many opportunities were missed, and surprises became impossible. A weight was lifted when I started a new business and informed her that I would not be disclosing the financials. I also entered into marriage with a team attitude. We opened joint everything and it ended up being a big headache for me as the years went on. I was the primary earner (70% of our joint income) for our whole marriage. Budgeting and saving for emergencies was drilled into me from a young age. She did not have that kind of upbringing and it put a major strain on our finances over time. A few years ago we had a major argument over our joint checkbook. She never took the time to write debit card purchases in the book and told me that she did it later when she balanced it at the end of the week. We ended up overdrawn by about $200 with several overdraft fees adding on to that. After that, she opened up her own account at a different bank and we pay bills separately. We are still joint on both accounts, but she only uses "my account" after asking first now and telling me the exact amount used. I have a separate savings account that doesn't have her name on it. She knows it exists because I had to claim the interest on taxes but she has no idea how much is there. |
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Post by pfviento on Oct 4, 2020 15:26:58 GMT -5
Get a separate account. Whatever her reasons are it doesn't hurt to be secure that you can't be cleaned out overnight.
I was very glad that we kept separate accounts when my marriage finally came to an end. It's nice to have a secure base from which to hire an attorney or do what needs doing.
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Money
Oct 5, 2020 3:31:55 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by lessingham on Oct 5, 2020 3:31:55 GMT -5
Don't know whether to laugh, cry or shoot myself. She bought an exercise bike from Amazon! She has never exercised in her life and the fuck was not given over how much in the bank. Maybe she was building up to this with the checking and account scrutinising. Hey ho. I will set it up in the garage so she can pedal her way through winter in an unheated space.
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Post by jerri on Oct 5, 2020 3:48:21 GMT -5
Let her pay for it and squirrel away some of your money. I guess that does explain why she wanted to check in on money.
I ordered one on Amazon during covid. It was a 150.00 We have over400 miles on it. I love doing Sprint 8 on it. Maybe she wants to get healthy during covid?
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Money
Oct 5, 2020 11:52:17 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2020 11:52:17 GMT -5
The cost of the bike would be important to know. If my spouse bought a cheap exercise bike, I would have no issue. If a Peloton was purchased without my consult, then it would be a bigger issue.
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Post by lessingham on Oct 6, 2020 2:39:59 GMT -5
If it was a Peloton, I would programme it with endless loops of young women with ultra tight asses peddling away in skin tight lycra!
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 6, 2020 5:18:01 GMT -5
If it was a Peloton, I would programme it with endless loops of young women with ultra tight asses peddling away in skin tight lycra! Can you do that? I had a very similar idea. The program tracks your progress. You start running with sims in sweat pants and sweat shirts. As you achieve your usual levels of endurance and effort, you start seeing the tank tops and shorts. If you are having a good day, you start to lap booty shorts and sports bras. If you pass your record, wardrobe malfunctions start to occur. Follow the same sim too long, she gets a chill and puts something on. No slacking! |
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Money
Oct 7, 2020 3:19:53 GMT -5
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jerri likes this
Post by lessingham on Oct 7, 2020 3:19:53 GMT -5
I trust the internet. I am more than sure the peloton dirty boy app is already out there.
My arthritis precludes me jogging and lunges so maybe I will commandeer the bike.
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Money
Oct 7, 2020 10:20:02 GMT -5
jerri likes this
Post by Handy on Oct 7, 2020 10:20:02 GMT -5
Not a Peleton Video but still exciting for a virtual bike ride.
The larger truck videos on the same road is a bit more revealing.
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Money
Oct 9, 2020 3:29:32 GMT -5
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Post by lessingham on Oct 9, 2020 3:29:32 GMT -5
And the bike arrived. I came so clise to walking out. I had a bad night and was groggy as she woke me at 7:30 to say the bike was on its way. Could I get up and get the parcel when it arrived. I stared at her through bleary eyes. She insisted. I got up and sat by the door. It arrived. Later she came down and wanted it built, it was a flatpack bike. Sorta now!
The marriage feels like a huge cut out. I do the right things. I romance. I am the husband with the tool kit. I budget. I. I. I. And the happy sex bit is ripped out as if it ain't important. And it is. And it feels the disrespect she shows me in sex is creeping out into other things.
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 9, 2020 4:32:23 GMT -5
...She insisted. I got up and sat by the door.... What happens if you go on strike? Just for a week. Not for sex. Just not to be treated like her employee. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 9, 2020 7:57:32 GMT -5
...She insisted. I got up and sat by the door.... What happens if you go on strike? Just for a week. Not for sex. Just not to be treated like her employee. I believe an employee gets paid for their work... Lessingham seems to fall more into the category of chattel. |
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Money
Oct 9, 2020 10:19:09 GMT -5
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Post by Handy on Oct 9, 2020 10:19:09 GMT -5
Lessingham
. I am the husband with the tool kit. I budget. I. I. I. And....
Hay bro, I was also the toolkit so I know how it goes, one for her, none for you, one for her, none for you and so on for a long time.
Sitting by the door is something SHE should have done, not you. Putting the bike together, well OK but when it works for you. Make some changes to what happens in your house or things will never change.
It also sounds like your W might have an anxiety disorder because she wants the item ASAP and seems to not be able to wait like most people would wait until something was naturally delivered. BTDT, my W has an anxiety problem.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 9, 2020 16:41:46 GMT -5
lessingham: "And the bike arrived. I came so clise to walking out. I had a bad night and was groggy as she woke me at 7:30 to say the bike was on its way. Could I get up and get the parcel when it arrived. I stared at her through bleary eyes. She insisted. I got up and sat by the door. It arrived. Later she came down and wanted it built, it was a flatpack bike. Sorta now!"
Why do you act like you are her servant? You repeatedly do that then post about it here. She treats you the way you allow yourself to be treated. What do you see in her other than her keeping you from living alone in a bedsit?
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Money
Oct 10, 2020 7:59:02 GMT -5
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Post by csl on Oct 10, 2020 7:59:02 GMT -5
I recall writing an article or two about Caspar Milquetoast, who always got the last word. |
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