My son is driving me nuts

Oh.
This is sounding more like clinical depression.
Inability to perform basic hygiene functions?
That goes beyond lazy to concerning.

Procrastination is another common hallmark.
Depression feels like the flu without the fever to give you a good excuse to do nothing.
Everything sounds exhausting. The flu is okay because you know you'll be able to do stuff in a few days. Depression is a flu that never goes away.

I don't recall you saying depression specifically.
You seem to imply you were diagnosed with it on another post.
Effective medication may get him capable to act on these things. I've seen it several times in my family. I've also seen nothing change from the wrong type of medication or inadequate dose. Depressed people often won't muster the energy to complain they aren't getting better.

Apologies for stating the obvious, if that's what I'm doing. Maybe other readers can benefit from the rehash.

Having tried the chemical route out of depression I found it not very successful. But I wish nothing but good luck to everyone journeying out of the black hell of depression,whatever their strategy.
I think he suffered more from obsessive compulsive.right now he is moving heaven and earth to get a PS5. Important stuff can go hang

FWIW: I have a lifelong history of major depression including several suicide attempts when I was in my early 20s. Cymbalta plus therapy with an excellent therapist are what helped me reclaim myself, leave my marriage with little angst in the process, and live a happy life with post SM partner. Research has indicated that for many people, the most effective way of treating major depression is medication plus therapy. It can be difficult, however, to find the right medication and dosage. I was fortunate in that the first medication I tried worked for me once I started taking the correct dose I became the kind of person I'd always wanted to be, and now I have the life I had always wanted. Before getting the appropriate treatment, I simply was not capable of creating the kind of life I have now. And if I had gotten appropriate treatment when I was much younger, I never would have even been attracted to the man I married. I would have realized he was incapable of the kind of physical and emotional intimacy that I need and can give.

My daughter completed suicide a year and a half ago.
SSRIs did nothing for my daughter (zoloft/prozac)
Wellbutrin (bupropion) worked for a short while, then stopped.
Lithium did nothing
Then she found alcohol. That was a favorite.
She used weed, then stopped.
She felt a little better after ECT, but the memory issues were a nasty ugly side effect.
I'm concerned the benefit may have come primarily form the anesthetic they used: ketamine.

Finally, Doxepin helped. It's an old school tricyclic antidepressant. Doctors don't like it because it's toxic and my daughter was already suicidal. (too easy to use it as an exit tool instead of medicine)
When doxepin caused weight gain, nortriptyline also worked. It's also a TCA, but without the weight gain side effect.

It worked all the way up until she stopped taking it.
Just a heads up, folks, antidepressants give depressed people energy they once lacked and the first thing they sometimes try to do is kill themselves. (thus the warning labels)
Something obvious in hindsight, when they stop taking it, their energy is the last thing they lose and they still have enough to exit. So if they stop taking antidepressants, watch them closely then too.

If antidepressants aren't working, mind what CLASS the antidepressants you've tried are in, and consider taking one from a different CLASS.
SSRIs, SRIs, SNRIs, Anxiolytics, Lithium salts, TCAs, MAO inhibitors to name only some of them.

I'd also add my daughter was given talk therapy in rather stingy amounts. Every study says pills and talk therapy work in tandem, perhaps the pills giving one the open mind or optimism needed to change your own brain to a healthier place, capable of thinking clearly and altering behavior.

Mirrororchid, That is sad news for any parent and especially for you. My condolences.

Thanks all.
I may have a few useful things to share if anyone's got a loved one or friend or friend's loved one suffering from substance abuse, major depressive disorder/dysthmia/double-depression/bipolar II (especially treatment resistant), borderline personality disorder, misophonia, self-harm/self-injury, and/or suicidal ideation.
PM or maybe we can share of an off-topic thread.

Didn't mean to hijack the thread. Just get worried when folks are skeptical of medicine when doctors don't explain what they are and how they work very well. They don't work for some people, 'tis true, but they might work for some who think they've tried everything and they're not even close.

Whatever your insights are, I might be able to use them right now.

In my last hearing with the family court judge, my ex and her lawyer argued for extended child support based on my youngest having mental health issues. My ex has poisoned my childrens' relationships with me and I get no information as to what is going on in their lives. This is despite the child support agreement specifically stating that my ex is to make reasonable accomodations to encourage the relationships between myself and my offspring.

I have no idea what those "mental health issues" entail, but I believe part of it involves Munchausen on the part of my ex, and my youngest suddenly developing gender dysphoria. I will have to file more motions with the court to learn more.