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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 18, 2020 10:50:10 GMT -5
I'm sorry that is happened to you. People can be assholes. Maybe try a single parent dating group might find less commitment phobic people. Dude has four kids! |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 18, 2020 10:51:10 GMT -5
Annmnnnnnnd he’s ghosting me. After I arranged for my mom to take my son a few days a week so we could spend time together. Fuck. The ironic thing about being used for sex is that I no longer want it, since having sex apparently, ultimately drives people apart. Either way, I solved my sexless marriage issue. That sucks, but clearly it wasn't the right situation if that's what he did to you. It will all work out. Don't give up!  This has been LITERALLY every guy I’ve dated since my divorce. Every last one has been avoidant and then bailed. Are all 40-something men avoidant, or is it just here in CA? |
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Post by angeleyes65 on Jun 18, 2020 12:45:17 GMT -5
So much for that!
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Post by flyingsolo on Jun 18, 2020 16:13:27 GMT -5
That sucks, but clearly it wasn't the right situation if that's what he did to you. It will all work out. Don't give up! This has been LITERALLY every guy I’ve dated since my divorce. Every last one has been avoidant and then bailed. Are all 40-something men avoidant, or is it just here in CA? The trick is to identify the avoidant ones before you get attached. I take it you are familiar with attachment theory and family of origin? There's a pretty good book that I can't put my hands on right now that I have at home that teaches you how to identify someone's attachment style pretty quickly. You might be well served by giving it a read if you never have. If you want the name of it, let me know and I'll find it in my library at home. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 19, 2020 0:47:43 GMT -5
This has been LITERALLY every guy I’ve dated since my divorce. Every last one has been avoidant and then bailed. Are all 40-something men avoidant, or is it just here in CA? The trick is to identify the avoidant ones before you get attached. I take it you are familiar with attachment theory and family of origin? There's a pretty good book that I can't put my hands on right now that I have at home that teaches you how to identify someone's attachment style pretty quickly. You might be well served by giving it a read if you never have. If you want the name of it, let me know and I'll find it in my library at home. If you find it and can quote parts of it that are relevant that would be fantastic. |
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Post by padgemi on Jun 19, 2020 6:31:14 GMT -5
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 19, 2020 8:36:52 GMT -5
Posts like this one are eye openers for me. Like many men I have a hard time grasping the concept of an attractive woman having difficulty maintaining a continuous and satisfying sexual relationship. JMX's post "Like a slug" offers another view of women not being able to avail themselves of a nice penis when they really need one to deal with their active libidos. I still find it hard to believe women have difficulty getting sex when they want it, but if these stories be true then it must be so.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 19, 2020 17:20:30 GMT -5
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 19, 2020 17:24:50 GMT -5
The minute I gave up, he texted to say hi. We had coffee today; according to him, he’s had too much stuff going on at home and work (and it sounded like serious stuff) and I should have texted instead.
I’m going to take a few days to gather my thoughts on the topic. Like, is this me needing to chill out or is he being avoidant?
At any rate, every time I have been ghosted, I get back our there and BAM! Tons of messages. Finding sex isn’t an issue.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 19, 2020 17:25:37 GMT -5
I didn’t hear a peep for nearly a week.
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Post by flyingsolo on Jun 19, 2020 19:36:47 GMT -5
Are you looking for sex or a relationship? (i.e. are you this guy's booty call or are you actually trying to connect on another level?)
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 22, 2020 11:57:47 GMT -5
Are you looking for sex or a relationship? (i.e. are you this guy's booty call or are you actually trying to connect on another level?) Sex is secondary but has always still been important. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 22, 2020 12:56:55 GMT -5
Stupid typos!
So, some of the comments on this thread seem to suggest to me that men equate sex with a relationship (such as when I’d mentioned having communication issues with my guy and @worksforme commented on how it must be difficult for women for find good dick) Is this true? If so, it explains a lot.
So I have to be very specific in that, when I say I want a relationship, I don’t mean a FWB.
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Post by padgemi on Jun 22, 2020 21:27:40 GMT -5
Are all 40-something men avoidant, or is it just here in CA? So, some of the comments on this thread seem to suggest to me that men equate sex with a relationship (such as when I’d mentioned having communication issues with my guy and @worksforme commented on how it must be difficult for women for find good dick) Is this true? If so, it explains a lot. So I have to be very specific in that, when I say I want a relationship, I don’t mean a FWB. Hi. I'm a 40-something from TN and I'm an avoidaholic. Open to sex, but not a relationship. Translation: I have been through marriage HELL and the trauma still lingers. I just need to heal and learn how to grow up and be comfortable in my own skin before I can trust myself to fall in love and get too close to another person again. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 23, 2020 10:44:29 GMT -5
Are all 40-something men avoidant, or is it just here in CA? So, some of the comments on this thread seem to suggest to me that men equate sex with a relationship (such as when I’d mentioned having communication issues with my guy and @worksforme commented on how it must be difficult for women for find good dick) Is this true? If so, it explains a lot. So I have to be very specific in that, when I say I want a relationship, I don’t mean a FWB. Hi. I'm a 40-something from TN and I'm an avoidaholic. Open to sex, but not a relationship. Translation: I have been through marriage HELL and the trauma still lingers. I just need to heal and learn how to grow up and be comfortable in my own skin before I can trust myself to fall in love and get too close to another person again. So how many guys do you think I have to sleep with before I find one who sticks around for a while? 😂 I talked to my friend’s therapist yesterday and joked that at this rate my “number” is going to hit 500 (it was 3 when I was married). She offered some tactics for conveying that, no, I’m not trying to trap anyone in a relationship, I just want communication and I need data at this point. |
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