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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 24, 2020 1:33:34 GMT -5
Well, here’s the dating profile. Has several head and shoulder shots of me, in professional dress... “What if it turned out match.com was a dating site for pyromaniacs? Hello gentlemen, If you made it this far into my profile, I take it that means my photos passed the test. Would you be reading this otherwise?  Without further ado, here I am in a virtual nutshell: I am a driven, responsible [what I do for a living] divorced with one son. I am looking for a long-term relationship that starts with a solid foundation of friendship. In the context of a loving relationship, I know how to be vulnerable and “go all in”. I love trying new things and getting out of the house, but appreciate a quiet night in with my guy. I am giving and love physical affection. If you’re an open-minded, caring, liberal-leaning man who takes care of himself and doesn’t mind (OK…loves) cats and kiddos, we should meet (and maybe get off these apps once and for all!) Sorry, but Trump supporters, arrogant men and smokers need not apply. OK, enough about me already. Tell me about yourself…” |
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Post by flyingsolo on Jun 24, 2020 10:19:15 GMT -5
You lost me at Liberal leaning. LOL
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 24, 2020 10:33:40 GMT -5
You lost me at Liberal leaning. LOL It’s very common to see that on profiles here. |
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Post by csl on Jun 24, 2020 12:22:18 GMT -5
Actually, you "lost" me at driven.
From Bing: compel to act in a particular way, especially one that is considered undesirable or inappropriate.
"he was driven by ambition"
Using thesaurus.com, these negative-connotation synonyms flesh out why I was put off: consumed, impelled, obsessed, possessed, compulsive. There were a couple of synonyms that are more positive: ambitious and motivated.
But that's just me. You might feel that "driven" is an accurate descriptor.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 24, 2020 14:34:35 GMT -5
Actually, you "lost" me at driven. From Bing: compel to act in a particular way, especially one that is considered undesirable or inappropriate. "he was driven by ambition" Using thesaurus.com, these negative-connotation synonyms flesh out why I was put off: consumed, impelled, obsessed, possessed, compulsive. There were a couple of synonyms that are more positive: ambitious and motivated. But that's just me. You might feel that "driven" is an accurate descriptor. OK, what’s the objection to it? This is a professionally written profile, by the way. We wanted to convey that I am a professional who more or less has my shit together (because that’s honestly what I’m looking for as well; someone who has their own career). I am definitely not looking for a sugar daddy or a replacement dad for my son. So what’s the issue? |
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Post by flyingsolo on Jun 24, 2020 16:56:16 GMT -5
Bottom line, you do what works for you. It's your bio. However, limiting yourself based on a political party pretty much halves your eligible suitor list. In some cases, opposites attract.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 24, 2020 17:43:30 GMT -5
You lost me at Liberal leaning. LOL It’s very common to see that on profiles here. In many and perhaps most other states that phrase would be detrimental to your dating efforts. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 24, 2020 17:58:20 GMT -5
It’s very common to see that on profiles here. In many and perhaps most other states that phrase would be detrimental to your dating efforts. Good thing I’m not dating across state lines then! |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 24, 2020 18:11:12 GMT -5
It’s very common to see that on profiles here. In many and perhaps most other states that phrase would be detrimental to your dating efforts. Have you ever used Bumble? |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 24, 2020 18:53:10 GMT -5
In many and perhaps most other states that phrase would be detrimental to your dating efforts. Have you ever used Bumble? No I haven't. Depending on where I looked I got a huge differential in the site rating. Ask Men gave it an 8 out of 10, but that was just based on a technical review for ease of use and 1 persons opinion. A consumer rating site gave it a 1.7 out of 10 based on replies from 140 actual users of the site. It seems very techie and geared primarily toward "successful" individuals mid career. So at age 70 (at the time) it didn't look like a good fit for me. I could see the appeal for women as they control initiating the conversation so it avoids the spamming and "Hi" messages from countless males. |
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Post by csl on Jun 24, 2020 20:57:51 GMT -5
Actually, you "lost" me at driven. From Bing: compel to act in a particular way, especially one that is considered undesirable or inappropriate. "he was driven by ambition" Using thesaurus.com, these negative-connotation synonyms flesh out why I was put off: consumed, impelled, obsessed, possessed, compulsive. There were a couple of synonyms that are more positive: ambitious and motivated. But that's just me. You might feel that "driven" is an accurate descriptor. OK, what’s the objection to it? This is a professionally written profile, by the way. We wanted to convey that I am a professional who more or less has my shit together (because that’s honestly what I’m looking for as well; someone who has their own career). I am definitely not looking for a sugar daddy or a replacement dad for my son. So what’s the issue? It's right there in my post: "compel to act in a particular way, especially one that is considered undesirable or inappropriate." To some, myself included, driven can carry negative connotation. Note I say connotation, not denotation. Words carry meaning, and not always what we think they carry. |
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Post by Handy on Jun 24, 2020 21:50:11 GMT -5
For me "driven" means the person puts a lot of effort in what ever they do. It is close to "determined."
"Driven" could also indicate the person doesn't relax and go-with-the-flow.
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 25, 2020 1:09:44 GMT -5
mypaintbrushes, FWIW, I generally agree with the feedback thus far. I think your opening joke is clever, but I’ll admit I was slow on the uptake and thought i was missing some sarcasm. That may just be due to my state of mind today, which is mushy. Presuming the bio is even an issue... it is, of course, a piece of marketing material for yourself. So, in that light, word nuances matter. And more, how they are received, not how you intended them. I’d suggest “passionate” instead of “driven”. It’s more positive and energetic; “driven” sounds obsessive. I’d challenge you to think about what “open-minded” means to you. Because the rest of that sentence / paragraph sounds like you really mean “Your opinions must match mine”. Open-minded is a two-way street; an attitude and a philosophy. It means more about respecting other’s opinions, not parroting them - especially since you won’t always agree. I have a lot of friends with whom I disagree on social and political issues, but that doesn’t mean I can’t value them as a person or respect their opinion and have a rational, fact-based conversation on the topic, and maybe even change my mind. Even people very close to me don’t agree on all fronts. On the “no Trump supporters”, that’s your prerogative, of course. But a lot of the anyone-but-Trump crowd come off as rather rabid, and you’re painting yourself with that image even if you’re just trying to weed out the fanboys. You may also be weeding out the left-of-center guys you’re hoping to find, plus there are more than a few “supporters” who don’t hail him as a hero, but consider him the “least bad” option at the time - you might find these guys pretty rational candidates, so maybe don’t be so eager to chase them off with a stick before you have a conversation. Lastly, mentioning your son and kiddos in your bio implies “Beware: I’m a full-time mom to a grade school kid and dating will be a challenge”, which isn’t accurate. Your grown son may be awesome, but your dating bio isn’t the place to introduce him - it wouldn’t be a shocker to reveal during a face-to-face discussion, and isn’t likely to make anyone run away. Overall, you have a choice - you can pre-filter in your bio and have a smaller pool to whittle down; or, if you’re finding that pool unsatisfactory, you might instead filter less in your bio and do more of it in person where you can apply some flexibility. The latter consumes more effort but improves the odds of finding that needle in the haystack.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jun 25, 2020 1:45:32 GMT -5
Interesting. Well this guy advocates that women embrace the “most polarizing thing” about them in order to effectively whittle down the number of guys in order to get to the RIGHT one: www.youtube.com/channel/UCLmWAye6mr1j0OByneQBzTgMy point in posting my profile was to demonstrate that I am not, in fact, leading with my body and looks like I proved that quite well. At any rate, I counted the number of matches in my queue on that particular app and narrowing the field wouldn’t be horrible. Again. Finding sex is easy. Finding someone who is truly compatible takes work. I want a guy who’s not going to be turned off by dating an ambitious woman. If that is offensive, so be it.  |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 25, 2020 7:26:11 GMT -5
I think DryCreek has dissected your profile wording and from my point of view he's spot on in how many males might view you. I also missed the opening joke, even after rereading several times, I have still missed it.
5 males have commented on the bio so far, 4 of them are negative and 1 is more or less neutral. That might say something about how males in general who read your bio may also view what you seem to be saying. Don't take it personal but this bio does not say to me "I am open minded, left of center and an ambitious woman". It's more along the lines of "I'm not really open to other opinions and am pretty rigid". The "No Trump" add just reinforces that. Generally speaking, I am a conservative. But I have a number of friends that could be described as liberal. I sometimes cringe at what Trump says in a short sound bite, but tend to agree when a longer, reasoned explanation of what he was trying to convey makes it way into the conversation.
And I had the same reaction to the use of "driven" as csl. It really does come across as obsessive.
I assume you have a definitive set of "must haves or must be's" when seeking a potential partner. If you think this bio is speaking to that candidate, then don't change a thing.
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Without further ado, here I am in a virtual nutshell:
