My Life Since October 2018
May 20, 2019 13:50:13 GMT -5
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greatcoastal, solodriver, and 5 more like this
Post by sadkat on May 20, 2019 13:50:13 GMT -5
I joined this forum in August 2018. By October, I had consulted a lawyer and started talking to a therapist. I also started having discussions with my husband about separating.
Throughout October and November, he was in denial- was convinced I would stay- he worked hard to be extra nice to me during this time (which was pretty nice).
In November, he decided he needed surgery. I told him again that I wanted to leave the marriage but agreed to assist with his recovery with the understanding that we would start the separation in March.
He had surgery in late December- I kept my commitment and cared for him for 2 months. During this time, he convinced himself that all was good and that I had changed my mind.
In March, I brought the subject up about selling the house. He provided excuse after excuse for delaying. I continued to bring it up until finally in April, he understood that I was serious about separating. He began looking for an apartment and found one that he thought was ideal- it wasn’t even built yet. I rolled with it and asked him when it would be open for occupancy- he told me late July but that was for the first few floors and he really wanted a higher floor. I told him I wanted the house on the market in the Spring or early Summer to take advantage of the buying season and we agreed that we would put it on the market on June 1.
Now it is May 20- I had a conversation this weekend about getting the house ready to put on the market. He informed me that the apartment was not going to be finished until September. I talked to him about putting his stuff in storage and temporarily moving into a furnished apartment. He told me he didn’t want to spend the money for that and would rather wait to put the house on the market. I refused- I told him it had to be June 1 which was what we agreed upon. His claims: “I never committed to putting the house on the market on June 1” “It will sell just as easily in October”, “you can just leave and stay with your dad and I will stay in the house but you still need to pay all the expenses since I’m spending a lot on the mortgage alone”. I held my ground- I told him the buying season is now, not October; that I was advised to stay in the house until it sold. He challenged me on the reason why I needed to stay in the house until it sold. When I told him, he was shocked and told me he would never cheat me out of my share of the equity. At that point, I was beyond frustrated and I basically told him that I had no trust- that he had done lots of things to cheat me and if the house wasn’t on the market by June 1, I would be talking to my lawyer on June 2. We would do this the harder, more expensive way.
So, here I am- waiting to see if I’ll be successful in getting the house on the market by June 1. My lawyer told me that the most efficient and cost effective method to terminate our marriage would be to agree on the terms of separation and bring it to him to write up. I’m doing my best to do that but, I tell you- sometimes I would really like to leave and let the lawyer handle everything. It’s amazing the lengths our spouses will go to in order to keep us in our marriages. It’s been a real struggle over the past 8 months- I’m ready for it to end!
Throughout October and November, he was in denial- was convinced I would stay- he worked hard to be extra nice to me during this time (which was pretty nice).
In November, he decided he needed surgery. I told him again that I wanted to leave the marriage but agreed to assist with his recovery with the understanding that we would start the separation in March.
He had surgery in late December- I kept my commitment and cared for him for 2 months. During this time, he convinced himself that all was good and that I had changed my mind.
In March, I brought the subject up about selling the house. He provided excuse after excuse for delaying. I continued to bring it up until finally in April, he understood that I was serious about separating. He began looking for an apartment and found one that he thought was ideal- it wasn’t even built yet. I rolled with it and asked him when it would be open for occupancy- he told me late July but that was for the first few floors and he really wanted a higher floor. I told him I wanted the house on the market in the Spring or early Summer to take advantage of the buying season and we agreed that we would put it on the market on June 1.
Now it is May 20- I had a conversation this weekend about getting the house ready to put on the market. He informed me that the apartment was not going to be finished until September. I talked to him about putting his stuff in storage and temporarily moving into a furnished apartment. He told me he didn’t want to spend the money for that and would rather wait to put the house on the market. I refused- I told him it had to be June 1 which was what we agreed upon. His claims: “I never committed to putting the house on the market on June 1” “It will sell just as easily in October”, “you can just leave and stay with your dad and I will stay in the house but you still need to pay all the expenses since I’m spending a lot on the mortgage alone”. I held my ground- I told him the buying season is now, not October; that I was advised to stay in the house until it sold. He challenged me on the reason why I needed to stay in the house until it sold. When I told him, he was shocked and told me he would never cheat me out of my share of the equity. At that point, I was beyond frustrated and I basically told him that I had no trust- that he had done lots of things to cheat me and if the house wasn’t on the market by June 1, I would be talking to my lawyer on June 2. We would do this the harder, more expensive way.
So, here I am- waiting to see if I’ll be successful in getting the house on the market by June 1. My lawyer told me that the most efficient and cost effective method to terminate our marriage would be to agree on the terms of separation and bring it to him to write up. I’m doing my best to do that but, I tell you- sometimes I would really like to leave and let the lawyer handle everything. It’s amazing the lengths our spouses will go to in order to keep us in our marriages. It’s been a real struggle over the past 8 months- I’m ready for it to end!