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Post by sadkat on Oct 22, 2019 22:29:58 GMT -5
Congratulations sadkat! I’m proud of you. I hope things have been feeling better for you over the last couple weeks as, I assume, you are in more permanent housing. ❤️ Thank you @choosinghappy. It’s nice to hear from you! Yes, I am now in my “permanent” apartment. I’m renting until I can sort myself out and settle in. I’ve unpacked and am adjusting to my new normal.
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Post by saarinista on Oct 22, 2019 23:13:17 GMT -5
All the best, sadkat! I admire your courage and am confident that you, our questioner in chief, will find happiness as you bravely go forward. 🏡👏♥️🤗
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Post by sadkat on Oct 23, 2019 0:44:59 GMT -5
All the best, sadkat! I admire your courage and am confident that you, our questioner in chief, will find happiness as you bravely go forward. 🏡👏♥️🤗 Aww- thank you saarinista! I appreciate your confidence! And I like the moniker you gave me! 😊.
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Post by sadkat on Dec 2, 2019 0:03:02 GMT -5
I’m mostly writing this so I can look back at it next year. Hoping things are much better in a year. I survived Thanksgiving. I can’t think of any other word to describe it. I spent it with my dad who I love dearly; who is sick and really needed my help; who loved having me there. But I was sad. I grieved the absence of my son; I grieved the loss of traditions even though I dreaded some of the family gatherings. I know I’m in a much better place but I still missed being a part of my little family. I didn’t really miss h because I know what he can be like when he’s with his family but I did miss being together, if that makes any sense at all. It’s been quite the conflict! I’m glad it’s over. I’ll be with my son and h over the Christmas Holiday and I’m wondering what that will be like? Will there always be this conflict and disparity? Will I always feel so very much alone?
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 2, 2019 0:41:01 GMT -5
I hope not, sadkat. Time heals wounds. Things will get easier.
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Post by saarinista on Dec 2, 2019 2:13:46 GMT -5
sadkat, my Thanksgiving sucked too. We couldn't even find any neighbors to eat turkey with us. Husband and I are both only children, parents dead, no family except his son who hasn't spoken to his Dad (my h) in years-total alienation- and painful for both of us. It's so sad and frightening to be alone this way. My husband is trying to be nice, and I do care for him-it's just that we're not sexually compatible which makes him like the brother i don't have. I'm glad he's my friend (well, usually) but it's not a good marriage to me. Yet to him, it's fine. He seems content just to live this way and to be comfy. He makes noises about having sex again, but so far, no serious moves on his part. I guess I'm a counter-refuser anyway because I'm not sure anything would happen if I initiated so I don't. We hug and he gives me pecks now and then, which feels pretty odd, but I certainly am not everse to hugs and pecks.... Yet I don't encourage more because the attraction is not there. At least YOU have made a definitive move. I'm proud of you! You're moving forward, it seems to me. It must be scary. I admire your courage, and there's every reason to believe things will get better with time....the holidays are just the worst. They are. Hang in there.
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 2, 2019 5:41:28 GMT -5
Neither of my girls are speaking to me. I believe both have mental health issues which have arisen since the divorce. Changing jobs has altered my Holiday plans. Last Christmas they avoided me as much as possible. This year I will travel back at some point, but it will not be for Christmas. The woman I love is still raising her kids in her sexless marriage, and we see each other as much as we can, but the kids are not going to accept me as part of the holiday festivities. So, yeah, there is a certain amount of suck to the holiday season.
Maybe I can skype in to my sister and mother's holiday gathering. I spent Thanksgiving with friends in the area, and they plan to have a Yule gathering on Solstice.
I will send the kids presents and will likely receive no acknowledgement.
Life is far from perfect, but things will get better.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Dec 2, 2019 6:19:28 GMT -5
sadkat How old is your son? I'm glad you will be with him for Christmas My first year out I spent Thanksgiving at my old house with my ex and kids. It was awkward at best. I was good when it is was over. Same with Christmas. And of course he made everything about him. The 2nd Thanksgiving my daughter opted to go to her then boyfriend's Grandma's in another state. And my son spent his in a hospital his son was born the day before. So my boyfriend and I went to a movie and ate at cracker barrel. It was much better but still not what I was used to. My bf didn't get to see his family at all. This year my bf, my kids and my good friend spent it together. It went well. He again did not get to see his family. But he did see his son before he headed back to school and he even snuck his hunting stuff to him that she refused to give him. It will get better I promise. Since holidays are about family and traditions it's just a hard time of year but like everything else we will all find our new normal. Sending hugs. I hope Christmas goes well!
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Post by sadkat on Dec 2, 2019 21:29:47 GMT -5
Thank you all for your comments of support. It’s been a rough week but I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel- for this leg of the Holidays, anyway. It certainly helps to know that I am not alone with this pain. angeleyes65- my son is 23. He doesn’t communicate much at all- this is part of who he is and not a result of my leaving the marriage. His lack of communication didn’t help matters over the Holiday, though.
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Post by hopingforachange on Dec 3, 2019 0:08:29 GMT -5
Sorry to hear, but it's understandable and normal that you miss some things, humans like tradition and some predictability, so your just being human.
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Post by Handy on Dec 3, 2019 1:32:28 GMT -5
I play nice at family gatherings so others have a pleasant time.
My former son-in-law's parents didn't play nice at family gatherings so they sort of ruined the grand kids birthdays. I saw how it messed up other peoples joy and decided to play nice. It might even benefit me.
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