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Post by flashjohn on May 22, 2019 16:51:22 GMT -5
Your refuser could be different, but I don't think he will take you seriously until he is served with a divorce petition. I know it may sound expensive, but nothing is going to happen until you get a lawyer to start getting things done. I made a conscious choice to stop talking with my refuser because I know that I have a tendency to let her manipulate me.
I cannot emphasize this enough. Talk to a lawyer. I AM a lawyer, and I didn't try to get my divorce done myself. My ExRefuser STILL delayed things for almost 2 years, and we didn't own a house at all.
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Post by sadkat on May 22, 2019 20:19:46 GMT -5
Thank you@ flashjohn- when I consulted with my lawyer back in October, he recommended I get h to agree to the terms of separation. Selling the house is the sticking point- I will go back to see him if h makes no move to sell the house by June 1.
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Post by shamwow on May 23, 2019 6:36:39 GMT -5
sadkat, even if he’s not a shady character who’d cheat you out of your share, there’s the very simple lack of motivation that will bite you. Getting the place ready, keeping it presentable, being available to show it, negotiating for anything less than the ideal terms, etc. will all be obstacles. You’re already getting a bit of this with him picking a new place that conveniently won’t be available for months. We’ve seen it here before; if he’s in the driver’s seat to stall things and push off disrupting his life, that’s human nature even if he’s not malicious or lazy. Though I completely sympathize with wanting to cut ties and be done, it puts you at a disadvantage. With a hard date set, you might need to have that consult before he really believes you’re serious. But I’d hold off paying the retainer on that date; start with giving H the lawyer’s card after your meeting so he gets your level of seriousness. Even if he's not shady now, once you start the actual divorce process, you will each start looking out for yourselves. This is actually a good thing since it means he finally "gets it" but it also means you need to protect yourself.
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Post by sadkat on May 23, 2019 10:56:32 GMT -5
shamwow- Yes, I understand what you are saying and starting to experience some of that. I’m venting a little here -He told me last weekend that I should know that he “would never do anything like that”. My first thought was wtf?? Does he not see what he has already done to me?? I seriously don’t understand how he can be so determined to hold on. It’s obvious that I’m moving on but he still wants to hold on to me- for what?? In the last 4 days, there has been 0 effort in looking for realtors or in anything else pertaining to the separation (in our state, we must be separated for a year before we can file for divorce). It’s looking more and more like I will need to go back to my lawyer for plan B. Does anyone know the answer to this question? Do both home owners have to sign a realtor agreement or will the signature of one home owner suffice? I’m thinking I’ll have to get a court order to put the house on the market which will delay this even further... And yes- I know I will need to seek legal advice (and plan to). Just curious...
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2019 12:42:17 GMT -5
It depends on whose name is on the Warranty Deed. If it's in both of your names then both owners have to sign the agreement. I imagine many realtors don't look that carefully at legal ownership so you could probably get listed but at some point it's all about clear title to sell, which means both of you if that's how the Deed reads. If it's just in your name, you're good. The practicality of that is still problematic though, if you have an unwilling resident who doesn't want the place to sell they can make showings and other details a real pain. I had this issue years ago with renters in a home I owned who didn't really want the house to sell so they made it really difficult.
Lawyer up girl, we're pulling for you.
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Post by northstarmom on May 23, 2019 15:16:18 GMT -5
sadkat, do you have to sell the house to divorce or can you get the house in the divorce settlement and in return give up your share of other joint assets? If that's not possible can you proceed with the divorce, have your husband move out, and then you sell the house and give him whatever share of the profits you've agreed to in the divorce settlement?
Selling a house is very stressful. Sold my house 3 years ago, and my partner -- whom I live with -- is finaliazing the sale of his house. Unexpected repairs, a change in real estate agent, and other problems delayed the house's getting on the market for a year. And this occurred with both of us wanting his house to sell. It would be hell going through this with a person who didn't want the house to sell.
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Post by sadkat on May 23, 2019 15:53:22 GMT -5
sadkat, do you have to sell the house to divorce or can you get the house in the divorce settlement and in return give up your share of other joint assets? If that's not possible can you proceed with the divorce, have your husband move out, and then you sell the house and give him whatever share of the profits you've agreed to in the divorce settlement? Selling a house is very stressful. Sold my house 3 years ago, and my partner -- whom I live with -- is finaliazing the sale of his house. Unexpected repairs, a change in real estate agent, and other problems delayed the house's getting on the market for a year. And this occurred with both of us wanting his house to sell. It would be hell going through this with a person who didn't want the house to sell. I’m leaving the state so do not want to stay in the house. He doesn’t want it either- he is just being difficult and stalling for time. Neither one of us can afford to live in it by ourselves. Our only option is to sell it. He would be thrilled at the thought that we’d have to delay due to repairs. I’m really hoping that is not the case! If I don’t get movement from him by June 1, I’ll discuss options with my lawyer. I’ve got to make it difficult for him to stay in the house in order to motivate him to sell.
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Post by flashjohn on May 23, 2019 17:23:43 GMT -5
Does anyone know the answer to this question? Do both home owners have to sign a realtor agreement or will the signature of one home owner suffice? I’m thinking I’ll have to get a court order to put the house on the market which will delay this even further... And yes- I know I will need to seek legal advice (and plan to). Just curious... A realtor will not agree to sell your house without the consent of both of you. Unfortunately, he is going to keep stalling until you force the sale.
I know it is hard to think of someone you once believed loved you would act like this, but it is true. If a spouse will refuse you the most basic part of marriage, it is obvious that he/she will refuse to cooperate in the divorce.
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Post by sadkat on May 23, 2019 19:18:21 GMT -5
Does anyone know the answer to this question? Do both home owners have to sign a realtor agreement or will the signature of one home owner suffice? I’m thinking I’ll have to get a court order to put the house on the market which will delay this even further... And yes- I know I will need to seek legal advice (and plan to). Just curious... A realtor will not agree to sell your house without the consent of both of you. Unfortunately, he is going to keep stalling until you force the sale.
I know it is hard to think of someone you once believed loved you would act like this, but it is true. If a spouse will refuse you the most basic part of marriage, it is obvious that he/she will refuse to cooperate in the divorce.
Thank you flashjohn. I’ll keep you posted on my progress. You have a point. He’s been controlling me most of our marriage. This is yet another way he continues to do so...
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Post by baza on May 23, 2019 19:40:32 GMT -5
In my jurisdiction whoever's name(s) is on the title has to sign off the documentation to sell the house.
I am inclined to suggest that you do not wait until June 1 before seeing your lawyer and establishing how you are going to proceed in the event of your spouse refusing to co-operate. Potentially this could drag out for months, possibly years.
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Post by DryCreek on May 23, 2019 20:21:29 GMT -5
I know it is hard to think of someone you once believed loved you would act like this, but it is true. If a spouse will refuse you the most basic part of marriage, it is obvious that he/she will refuse to cooperate in the divorce. First-hand knowledge here of a woman who won’t give consent for her son (17) to get a driver’s permit, because it’s something her ex wants. People can be jerks. (So can cats, but at least they make for funny videos.) sadkat, hopefully he proves the trend wrong. I’d think that a court order wouldn’t come until a judge’s orders at the end of a contested divorce. Just maybe he’ll come around if you start talking to the lawyer again. One idea that’s “iffy” and premature, but sometimes buyers will agree to a lease-back if they don’t need to move immediately. So, you can close the sale and settle the finances - then, H renting the house from the new owners is between him and them; you’re gone.
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Post by sadkat on May 23, 2019 20:43:46 GMT -5
In my jurisdiction whoever's name(s) is on the title has to sign off the documentation to sell the house. I am inclined to suggest that you do not wait until June 1 before seeing your lawyer and establishing how you are going to proceed in the event of your spouse refusing to co-operate. Potentially this could drag out for months, possibly years. Gosh baza- I really hoped it would not drag out! I’ll try once more this weekend to get some action from him. It’s Memorial Day weekend here in the US. If I’m not successful, I’ll talk to my lawyer next week.
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Post by sadkat on May 23, 2019 20:49:55 GMT -5
I know it is hard to think of someone you once believed loved you would act like this, but it is true. If a spouse will refuse you the most basic part of marriage, it is obvious that he/she will refuse to cooperate in the divorce. First-hand knowledge here of a woman who won’t give consent for her son (17) to get a driver’s permit, because it’s something her ex wants. People can be jerks. (So can cats, but at least they make for funny videos.) sadkat, hopefully he proves the trend wrong. I’d think that a court order wouldn’t come until a judge’s orders at the end of a contested divorce. Just maybe he’ll come around if you start talking to the lawyer again. One idea that’s “iffy” and premature, but sometimes buyers will agree to a lease-back if they don’t need to move immediately. So, you can close the sale and settle the finances - then, H renting the house from the new owners is between him and them; you’re gone. I still have hope he will come around. I can’t imagine he will want to spend the money to go through the court system to keep me in the marriage longer. I’d be willing to wait a couple of months to avoid spending the money myself but I don’t have faith that he will take action then, either.
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Post by northstarmom on May 24, 2019 5:55:19 GMT -5
Keep in mind that prime house hunting season is now until about September. It also takes at minimum a few weeks to get your house ready for the market. Because most prospective buyers look at pictures and videos of your house first before deciding whether to see it in person, realtors now request that homeowners do far more staging and updating of their houses than was requested in the past.
It also takes a while to select a good realtor. Right now you could be inviting realtors over and learning what you need to do to get your house in the best shape to sell. You also will learn how much they think your house will sell for.
This is part of the process of selecting a realtor you can work with. You don’t need your husband’s permission or signature to do this.
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Post by shamwow on May 24, 2019 6:48:45 GMT -5
sadkat, do you have to sell the house to divorce or can you get the house in the divorce settlement and in return give up your share of other joint assets? If that's not possible can you proceed with the divorce, have your husband move out, and then you sell the house and give him whatever share of the profits you've agreed to in the divorce settlement? Selling a house is very stressful. Sold my house 3 years ago, and my partner -- whom I live with -- is finaliazing the sale of his house. Unexpected repairs, a change in real estate agent, and other problems delayed the house's getting on the market for a year. And this occurred with both of us wanting his house to sell. It would be hell going through this with a person who didn't want the house to sell. I would echo this. Have the house appraised. That information can be used in the divorce. If he wants to stay then he has to compensate you for your half. If he cannot do that, a judge will order the house sold so the equity can be split. Pretty standard stuff. A lawyer could help you through these questions better than we can, though.
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