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Post by misssunnybunny on Apr 20, 2019 12:44:30 GMT -5
The problem with the Drake Equation story that Miss Sunny Bunny linked earlier in this thread is that if you are a unicorn looking for another unicorn whom you also are romantically/sexually compatible with then odds are against your finding one. Example from the story: A woman Harvard physics professors odds of finding a single man in Boston within 10 years of her age who was a college grad probably wouldn't be that bad. But look at what else she wanted: "OK, half of them [people of the right age in Boston] are men. So we'd circle half. And then we'd say, well, what's the age group you're interested in? And then we'd sort of circle a smaller subset. And then she had all these other requirements, like the guy had to be taller than her-- and she's pretty tall-- so that really limited things. And then she said he had to be smarter than her. You know, and she's a Harvard physics professor. So that was even smaller. And basically we got down to there being nobody. " That's why one has to have reasonable desires. For instance, after I divorced, I wanted to find a man within 15 years of my age who was sexually compatible, honest, nonabusive, had friends (so he wouldn't be dependent on me for all of his emotional needs), emotionally open, not an addict or alcoholic or felon, not politically my opposite, and willing to be in a monogamous sexual relationship. He also had to be someone whom I enjoyed conversing with. He didn't need to be taller, smarter, richer than me or be nor did he need to be on the same spiritual path or of my race. Reminds me of this scene in How To Be Single  : |
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endthegame
Junior Member
Posts: 96 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by endthegame on Apr 21, 2019 13:33:48 GMT -5
Chill, be the best you that you can be, for you. Be authentic to yourself, be happy being out of a dysfunctional sm.
Love yourself.
Be patient. There are men in their 40s 50s and older who are tactile and loving.
You're just out, there is time.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 21, 2019 13:42:18 GMT -5
Chill, be the best you that you can be, for you. Be authentic to yourself, be happy being out of a dysfunctional sm. Love yourself. Be patient. There are men in their 40s 50s and older who are tactile and loving. You're just out, there is time. Did anyone see my update above? 😀 |
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firefollower
Full Member
Only you can prevent forest fires
Posts: 154
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by firefollower on Apr 25, 2019 18:22:16 GMT -5
WOW, I am with Flashjohn...doesn't make any sense...guys in their 40's turning down sex...maybe there is something in the water where you live.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 25, 2019 18:26:14 GMT -5
WOW, I am with Flashjohn...doesn't make any sense...guys in their 40's turning down sex...maybe there is something in the water where you live. My refuser was 39 when he began turning me down. So.... I had a second date today with a super hot guy who is 43 and has two grown kids. He’s very flirty through text; we’ll see if he cashes those checks... |
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firefollower
Full Member
Only you can prevent forest fires
Posts: 154
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by firefollower on Apr 25, 2019 18:29:50 GMT -5
WOW, I am with Flashjohn...doesn't make any sense...guys in their 40's turning down sex...maybe there is something in the water where you live. My refuser was 39 when he began turning me down. So.... I had a second date today with a super hot guy who is 43 and has two grown kids. He’s very flirty through text; we’ll see if he cashes those checks... Good luck...sending good vibes |
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Post by Handy on Apr 25, 2019 18:47:31 GMT -5
Mypaintbrushes
I had a second date today with a super hot guy who is 43 and has two grown kids. He’s very flirty through text; we’ll see if he cashes those checks..
Mypaintbrushes, if this guy or anyone you sort of liked asked how far did you want to go, would that be a turn off or a turn on?
I am asking mostly because I tend to NOT push my agenda unless there are clear signs someone wants more. Sometimes being a gentleman doesn't float a woman's boat.
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 25, 2019 22:25:16 GMT -5
Mypaintbrushes - it's both not you and it is you. You defo don't need 30 dates to figure out if there's chemistry. You don't need to give people so many chances. If you're using online stuff, messaging for a little while to see if we have common interests and a common understanding. None of that, then no in-person date. I definitely kiss on the first date. No spark, no second date. Wait a bit for sex, because it clouds my brain. See how he treats me and other people. Sex soon-ish to see if the kiss translates into passion. I don't expect shamazing sex on the first date. It takes me a while to warm up to people in bed and really let go. The one bit of self-help advice that has really helped me was nice guys - the kind of guys you want to build a life with won't cross your boundaries. Don't put up the wrong kind of boundaries that only not-nice guys will cross to get to you. Understand what you will allow and not allow. I went into dating with that in mind and it really worked for me. To be clear, it’s only been about 8 dates with this guy. Lots of other guys - probably approaching 20. None of them expressed interest, which is too bad. I did finally have sex last night. GOOD sex, for the first time in probably 2 years (first time in more than 2 years I came without having to get myself off). OMG. I get turned on just thinking about last night. I don’t think I can go without good sex ever again, though this encounter definitely is never going to result in a committed relationship. GOOD FOR YOU!! It sounds like you received that very much needed ego boost! Being desired again by someone that you desire is like fireworks ! This can have a very positive impact in your moral and self esteem as you now decide more and more what is important and needed by you in your future endeavours, nd relationships! Here's a side note ( excuse me if I get off on a tangent here and don't word it very well) After my divorce and in my limited dating experience, I discovered that I, as a man, have "issues" with being sexually aggressive., or showing that I need ,crave,desire touch. Instead I am very focused on giving all 4 of the other love languages. While wanting to receive touch. I recall practically all my dates where I was talking and mildly touching ( mostly talking) . Getting my confidence up. Then having women lean in and kiss me, wanting me to stop talking and start kissing! You see, I believed that as a man if I was agressive sexualy, I am now , a pervert, I am a molester, I am dangerous, I am threatening, all I think about is sex, that I am going to be labeled as a pump and dump, etc.... So this inhibited me from making sexual advances, ever since I was a boy. Are there other men out there like this? I think so. Are there women out there who were taught to " not make the first move. Wait for the man to ask you out first. Wait for him to kiss you, etc..." This makes me wonder how many very nice, very shy, passive women I missed out on? Women who I could have eventually had a very hot, intimate fulfilling sex life with, after the fear of who makes the first move, and agreeing ( communicating) that it's all okay!! Meanwhile , in my past year of dating after my divorce, I had women ,who advanced sexually on me! Kissing, grabbing, caressing, holding, asking me to be with them. Asking to spend the night with me. Personally I took it as a great compliment, an act of giving, and someone being vulnerable to me rejecting them. I did not disappoint them ( or myself) I really, really needed that after so many decades of rejection and being taught that sexual aggression can easily be mistaken for far worse behavior. ( please... let's not get into a discussion about who rapes who more) In these days of "equality" a woman can be sexually aggressive too, and things can easily balance out. That has been my recent experience. I hope the same can be true for you as well. Sometimes it's okay to ask, and you shall recieve. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 26, 2019 14:15:45 GMT -5
Mypaintbrushes
I had a second date today with a super hot guy who is 43 and has two grown kids. He’s very flirty through text; we’ll see if he cashes those checks..Mypaintbrushes, if this guy or anyone you sort of liked asked how far did you want to go, would that be a turn off or a turn on? I am asking mostly because I tend to NOT push my agenda unless there are clear signs someone wants more. Sometimes being a gentleman doesn't float a woman's boat. If I liked him, it’d be exciting! If (like the guy I went to dinner with Tuesday night) he spent the whole date talking about Pablo Escobar, then only sent me dirty texts late that night, I’d think it was a little sudden... and weird. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2019 16:32:02 GMT -5
Guys finding themselves. Urgh. Pastor Tony Campolo (sp) had a story about a student that was going to drop out of school so he could find himself. He said society had put all these layers on him, and he needed to get these layers off so that he could find himself. Tony asked, "what if you take off all these layers only to find out that you are an onion?" I was not looking, but I knew what I wanted two years ago when I accepted an invite to a sex friendly page on social media and saw pictures and examples of people having fun in the most erotic ways. I knew what I had, and where I wanted to go, and that it existed elsewhere so it was possible. It just took a bit longer to realize I could not go there with my wife. Whatever these guys are searching for, if they are not finding it, they need to look elsewhere, or they would know. Sometimes instead of finding one's self it is better to put on the layer that is the you that you want to be. I misread that sentence the first time. I assumed he was going to say, "what if you take off all these layers only to find out you're an idiot?" |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2019 16:33:13 GMT -5
An old Tom Pappa joke. "There are over 7 billion people on the earth and you're incredibly lucky to find just one to be with. And I've got news for you, they don't like you that much either."
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Post by flashjohn on Apr 29, 2019 16:42:53 GMT -5
If I liked him, it’d be exciting! If (like the guy I went to dinner with Tuesday night) he spent the whole date talking about Pablo Escobar, then only sent me dirty texts late that night, I’d think it was a little sudden... and weird. Also, remember that in this day & age, a lot of men are worried about being labeled as "sexual predators" if they make their intentions clear. At least he is making it clear that he is sexual. Did anything come of this? |
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 29, 2019 17:31:54 GMT -5
There are far better and more seductive ways of expressing sexual interest than hogging a conversation then following up with dirtty texts. Sound like a man so self focused and crude that he’d be s crappy sex partner.
There are many ways of expressing sexual interest that many women would find acceptable and seductive without considering the man a predator. And if a normal pass causes a woman to recoil in fear she would not be a compatible partner.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 30, 2019 13:58:16 GMT -5
If I liked him, it’d be exciting! If (like the guy I went to dinner with Tuesday night) he spent the whole date talking about Pablo Escobar, then only sent me dirty texts late that night, I’d think it was a little sudden... and weird. Also, remember that in this day & age, a lot of men are worried about being labeled as "sexual predators" if they make their intentions clear. At least he is making it clear that he is sexual. Did anything come of this? He texted me again after several days to say he’d been at his dad’s house and had left his phone in his car (huh?). He invited me to come hang out at his place. I asked, just for clarity, what did you have in mind, and mentioned that our exchange last week seemed a little sudden. He said “Ok”. I’ve decided he’s a little socially awkward and not very good at texting. |
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 30, 2019 14:50:06 GMT -5
Mypaintbrushes said:” He texted me again after several days to say he’d been at his dad’s house and had left his phone in his car (huh?). He invited me to come hang out at his place. I asked, just for clarity, what did you have in mind, and mentioned that our exchange last week seemed a little sudden. He said “Ok”.
I’ve decided he’s a little socially awkward and not very good at texting.“
He sounds like a liar about the phone. He also sounds like he’s either in a relationship with someone or isn’t that interested in you.
As for inviting you to “hang out at his place” he sound like a horney guy hoping for an easy lay. Between his crude post dinner text, the lie about the phone, and what looks like a lazy invite for a quick lay, he wouldn’t be my type of guy. He does seem socially awkward and crude. Not what I’d want even for a fwb. Not the kind of guy I’d want to spend time with. Crude texts and an invite to “hang out at his place” aren’t the kind of overtures from a virtual stranger that I’d find seductive.
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