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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2018 22:13:46 GMT -5
I’m really just curious about this. I only have a sample of 2: my girlfriend who is also in a bad marriage and myself. Both our husbands play video games almost daily.
Is this typical behavior? When I leave my marriage, will I be swimming in an ocean of video-gaming dating prospects? I need to know what I’m up against here.
Gentlemen, please answer this poll for yourself. Ladies, answer for your husband, STBX, or ex.
Thank you!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2018 22:35:00 GMT -5
what do you mean? Do grown men play video games? Of course they do. I dont understand. Maybe that is because I have never played a video game in my life...
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Post by baza on Jul 23, 2018 23:37:43 GMT -5
The last time I played video games was 2 weekends ago whilst visiting my two (adult) kids.
We were having a few beers and a laugh and the youngest found the old Nintendo 64 console and controls.
We hooked it up to the tv and started playing Super Mario World.
They gave me a complete shellacking.
So we moved on to Mario Karts, and I gave them a good thrashing.
Geez it was good fun.
Lots of laughs and taking the piss out of each other.
Staggered off to bed pretty hammered at about 3 in the morning.
Anyway, on the basis of the above I would have voted yes, but I didn't vote
Because thats the only time in the last 10 years I've played video games.
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Post by petrushka on Jul 24, 2018 1:05:54 GMT -5
Generalizing this is .... futile. There are men who like games, there are women who like games. I have spent many happy hours online-gaming with several ladies on different continents. And a few blokes, too. I play computer games solo, I play boardgames and cards - and my wife is into boardgames and cards as well. We invite people for dinner and games evenings. Would you consider team sports as play? Hobbies? I know several men on this board who love to spend time in their wood workshop. Then there are the poor saps who get addicted to one-armed bandits (many, many women players there). My wife spends several days a week meeting with other people who share her hobbies around wool and fibre and textiles. That's also playing. But it doesn't mean that every woman I meet out there will be a felter or weaver or spinner. My wife's friends, however, are, and there seem to be flocks of them. All I can say is: if you do not like games or gaming or playing - don't get together with someone who is. Because it makes for some basic incompatibility if one person really enjoys one activity and the other views it with disdain. Had a woman with me once who hated the fact that I read a lot of books. She didn't understand how or why. So she got jealous of the books and felt excluded and that the books were taking time away from her because she didn't dare interrupt me; not understanding that I can put a book aside any time someone talks to me. It's life. Quote of the day:" Der Mensch ist nur da ganz Mensch wo er spielt" (Friedrich von Schiller) famous German poet who thought that man is only fully immersed as a human at play. I dig that. Some people just don't.
I still find time to go on photoshoots, to do woodwork, to cook dinner every day, to spend an hour in the hot tub with my wife in the evening and to cuddle with her in bed afterwards. The critical thing here is: people do what they want to do and don't do what they don't want to. So if a guy only sits at the computer playing games to the exclusion of everything else, then that's what he wants to do (and ignore his partner). If a woman only spends her time with her phone on facebook while her husband sits next to her in bed and she ignores him, then that's what she wants to do. Take it as read. Don't try to remodel them, go find someone else. They won't change unless they want to. And sometimes they have damned good reason (see below).
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Post by petrushka on Jul 24, 2018 1:08:41 GMT -5
Incidentally, it was a great way to distract myself from the pain of the emotional abuse in the relationship while it was on-going.
And: I like the first option - at least 3-7 days a week. Yeah, I'd probably do it 8-9 days a week if there was any chance of that.
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 24, 2018 3:08:38 GMT -5
I'd have checked the box for "A few times a year" if there was one. But there are certainly other ways I spend my time that probably has a lot of the same obsessive failings. Other guys pick cars, sports, fantasy leagues, playing music, woodworking, etc. - anything can be taken too far. I'll agree with petrushka and say that it's less about the frequency and more about the priority, to the exclusion of normal life. I do know several guys who are deep into gaming. Typically first-person games, whether fantasy, combat, or adventure. More than the challenge, I think the escape from reality is a strong lure. (I'll suggest that social media offers a similar fixation and issues for folks who are more drawn to that medium over visual fantasy - the corollary to the gaming addict might be the Facebook/Twitter/Instagram addict.) |
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Post by ihadalove on Jul 24, 2018 6:36:36 GMT -5
I’m really just curious about this. I only have a sample of 2: my girlfriend who is also in a bad marriage and myself. Both our husbands play video games almost daily. Is this typical behavior? When I leave my marriage, will I be swimming in an ocean of video-gaming dating prospects? I need to know what I’m up against here. Gentlemen, please answer this poll for yourself. Ladies, answer for your husband, STBX, or ex. Thank you! This seems judgemental, you're basing it off of two bad examples. The fact is that video games today are mainstream entertainment just like tv shows, watching sports, going to a play, ballet, etc. I've played a lot in the past but am currently not doing any. Like anything else it can be healthy and fun or addictive and destructive. |
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 24, 2018 6:57:21 GMT -5
Neither my ex (age 69) nor post sm lover (66) play video games. Back in the day, ex would play Pac-Man when we went out for pizza.
Sons (30, 34) play video games but also have other hobbies.
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Post by Dan on Jul 24, 2018 7:17:01 GMT -5
The only time I've played video games is with my kids, as father-son/daughter bonding time. And even then our choice was the adventure games or puzzle games; I find "first person shooters" to be rather boring. When I have time to play something these days, this is what I reach for: |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2018 7:45:18 GMT -5
This seems judgemental, you're basing it off of two bad examples. The fact is that video games today are mainstream entertainment just like tv shows, watching sports, going to a play, ballet, etc. I've played a lot in the past but am currently not doing any. Like anything else it can be healthy and fun or addictive and destructive. You are 100% correct, it is judgemental. Thank you for pointing that out. I’m not a fan of video games, it’s true. I guess, what bothers me most about it though is when it (video gaming) replaces time that should be spent, oh I don’t know... having sex with your spouse??? I could probably tolerate it as a regular activity if the gaming gentleman in question was still making time for me. It’s a moot point now anyway. I just wondered how prevalent video game usage is among the dating pool I’m entering. Video games do have a high addiction rate so it’s something I’ll be on the lookout for. Addictions are a non-starter for a healthy relationship. Thank you for the perspective everyone! I appreciate it. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2018 7:54:56 GMT -5
The critical thing here is: people do what they want to do and don't do what they don't want to. So if a guy only sits at the computer playing games to the exclusion of everything else, then that's what he wants to do (and ignore his partner). If a woman only spends her time with her phone on facebook while her husband sits next to her in bed and she ignores him, then that's what she wants to do. Take it as read. Don't try to remodel them, go find someone else. They won't change unless they want to. And sometimes they have damned good reason (see below). |
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Post by ihadalove on Jul 24, 2018 8:20:24 GMT -5
This seems judgemental, you're basing it off of two bad examples. The fact is that video games today are mainstream entertainment just like tv shows, watching sports, going to a play, ballet, etc. I've played a lot in the past but am currently not doing any. Like anything else it can be healthy and fun or addictive and destructive. You are 100% correct, it is judgemental. Thank you for pointing that out. I’m not a fan of video games, it’s true. I guess, what bothers me most about it though is when it (video gaming) replaces time that should be spent, oh I don’t know... having sex with your spouse??? I could probably tolerate it as a regular activity if the gaming gentleman in question was still making time for me. It’s a moot point now anyway. I just wondered how prevalent video game usage is among the dating pool I’m entering. Video games do have a high addiction rate so it’s something I’ll be on the lookout for. Addictions are a non-starter for a healthy relationship. Thank you for the perspective everyone! I appreciate it. I agree it shouldn't interfere with spouse time. Mine has in the past, probably to avoid confrontation over sex. Not proud of it, that's just how it was. I do also enjoy it. I've invested myself in other hobbies lately. A good test is walk in naked while he's gaming, if he isn't off the game instantly he has a problem! |
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 24, 2018 8:44:14 GMT -5
@elle
When I was dating none of the men I actually went out with played video games. There are plenty of men that don’t play video games so you will meet men that are completely different from your H. Just enjoy this new phase of your life, focus on yourself, and enjoy the rest of your life!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2018 8:54:11 GMT -5
@elle When I was dating none of the men I actually went out with played video games. There are plenty of men that don’t play video games so you will meet men that are completely different from your H. Just enjoy this new phase of your life, focus on yourself, and enjoy the rest of your life! Aww, thanks BBG. Always good hearing your perspective. And @ihadalove, the naked test is probably a great one! 😂 |
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Jul 24, 2018 10:14:37 GMT -5
I voted grown men are past it. But I dont judge. I used to play but was never really consumed by it. My kids play but I try to encourage them to make deliberate use of their time (emphasis on try). But I dont judge either. Gaming is a legitimate form of entertainment and distraction (escspe from life?).
On the other hand, many men dont play video games. But they may have other hobbies that they will devote a signifcant amount of time and money to (fishing, hunting, boats, cars, cycling, harleys, poker, sports, gambling etc)
I would offer that when you are getting to know someone, pay attention to what they do for fun and ask yourself if its something you would encourage and support and even become a part of.
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