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Post by shamwow on Jul 27, 2018 8:51:51 GMT -5
For me, I think the problem is how women treat their husbands who play video games. I am not talking about men who can't hold their jobs, or have social problems because they play video games, but normal men who likes to play a few hours a day because it is their hobby. For me, I used to play about 3-4 hours of video games a day and maybe 5-6 hours during the weekends. My W used to whine to her friends about me being Childish and later our marriage suffered because we have fights over it. Now my 'hobby' is thinking all day about outsourcing while my W watches TV shows while ignoring me all night. So you tell me what's worse. Are you joking? Assuming you have a full time job which keeps you out of the house all day until dinner time, and assuming you have kids to care for and play with before they go to bed, I would guess 3-4 hours of video games per day (and up to SIX hours on weekend days) means you are basically ignoring your wife until 11 or 12 every single night and then you complain that the way she treats YOU is the problem? Based on that, why exactly do you think she should be eager to rip your clothes off? I wouldn’t fuck you either. Until you change that, enjoy your prostitutes. I would be curious to know whether this frequency was the same at the beginning of the marriage. If so, I see your point. However, I played just as many games when married. But I only started several years after she did the bait and switch at the altar. After a few years of that, I had many such "hobbies" that would keep me out of that bed until 11 or 12 (or 2 or 3) because I didn't want to lie in the dark in depression and anger as she slept soundly next to me. My guess is he is at the point where neither of them really want to be in each other's presence. Both have their "hobbies" to deal with that unpleasant truth. The real losers in the situation are the kids who see this night after night and learn the lesson of "this is how marriage is". Hopefully they will learn the lesson of "this is not how marriage should be" and if they ever find themselves in a similar situation get the fuck out. At least that's what I hope my kids do in that situation. |
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Post by twotimesone on Jul 27, 2018 19:28:39 GMT -5
Are you joking? Assuming you have a full time job which keeps you out of the house all day until dinner time, and assuming you have kids to care for and play with before they go to bed, I would guess 3-4 hours of video games per day (and up to SIX hours on weekend days) means you are basically ignoring your wife until 11 or 12 every single night and then you complain that the way she treats YOU is the problem? Based on that, why exactly do you think she should be eager to rip your clothes off? I wouldn’t fuck you either. Until you change that, enjoy your prostitutes. I would be curious to know whether this frequency was the same at the beginning of the marriage. If so, I see your point. However, I played just as many games when married. But I only started several years after she did the bait and switch at the altar. After a few years of that, I had many such "hobbies" that would keep me out of that bed until 11 or 12 (or 2 or 3) because I didn't want to lie in the dark in depression and anger as she slept soundly next to me. My guess is he is at the point where neither of them really want to be in each other's presence. Both have their "hobbies" to deal with that unpleasant truth. The real losers in the situation are the kids who see this night after night and learn the lesson of "this is how marriage is". Hopefully they will learn the lesson of "this is not how marriage should be" and if they ever find themselves in a similar situation get the fuck out. At least that's what I hope my kids do in that situation. Just an FYI, me and my W used to do other activities and I don't play games. I used to watch alot of movies and my W still hates me for it so I played games because of that. At the time my kids were still small when I played alot. Eventually I went to maybe less than 2 hours a day until one day I thought it is a drag to play. Judging by the response of how much time that i used to spend in video games, I think that many people negatively judge towards adults who play video games. You don't hear men complain to their wives about obcessing about tv shows/soap operas. Why the negative stigma? |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 27, 2018 21:09:37 GMT -5
I would be curious to know whether this frequency was the same at the beginning of the marriage. If so, I see your point. However, I played just as many games when married. But I only started several years after she did the bait and switch at the altar. After a few years of that, I had many such "hobbies" that would keep me out of that bed until 11 or 12 (or 2 or 3) because I didn't want to lie in the dark in depression and anger as she slept soundly next to me. My guess is he is at the point where neither of them really want to be in each other's presence. Both have their "hobbies" to deal with that unpleasant truth. The real losers in the situation are the kids who see this night after night and learn the lesson of "this is how marriage is". Hopefully they will learn the lesson of "this is not how marriage should be" and if they ever find themselves in a similar situation get the fuck out. At least that's what I hope my kids do in that situation. Just an FYI, me and my W used to do other activities and I don't play games. I used to watch alot of movies and my W still hates me for it so I played games because of that. At the time my kids were still small when I played alot. Eventually I went to maybe less than 2 hours a day until one day I thought it is a drag to play. Judging by the response of how much time that i used to spend in video games, I think that many people negatively judge towards adults who play video games. You don't hear men complain to their wives about obcessing about tv shows/soap operas. Why the negative stigma? I'm not judging, brother. I spent over a month in game the year COD MW2 came out. My ex probably spent equal time on Facebook. My point is that both of us doing this for hours each day was probably not good for our kids and wasn't modeling how a good marriage works. I do tend to agree there is a bit more of a negative stigma towards video games over TV. Both are pretty mind numbing activities. However I think it's more of a perspective that "playing games" is something children do and eventually grow out of. In all honesty, we could all stand to spend less times glued in front of a screen (says the guy who has a couple thousand posts on this forum 😊) |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2018 21:44:49 GMT -5
Judging by the response of how much time that i used to spend in video games, I think that many people negatively judge towards adults who play video games. You don't hear men complain to their wives about obcessing about tv shows/soap operas. Why the negative stigma? And some people don't do any of the above. That's probably why I judge (and ultimately, I realize it just comes down to the fact that H and I are very, very different - and that's OK, it's just over between us). I don't watch TV (unless I am watching over the kids' shoulders for maybe 15 minutes a week, tops, and a movie maybe once a month. I definitely don't watch soaps (does anyone anymore??) I don't play video games. I do use my phone for text, internet, email, but I don't check FB every day and when I do, I'm only on for a few minutes at a time. I systematically unfollowed everyone because it was too much information for me to process and now I only use it minimally for school and to see occasional pics of my baby niece (she's worth it).
I will cop to being a bit of a freak/outlier when it comes to screens. They just don't hold my interest much, although I do like to post and/or read here sometimes.
I think shamwow hit the nail on the head when he said that no one is really happy in these SM deals. It's a hard realization to come to that your spouse probably isn't happy either, but I think it's the truth. I'd so much rather be the innocent victim in this, but the truth is, my H doesn't want to be married to me any more than I want to be married to him. I just happen to be the one to call time of death. Sigh. |
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Post by baza on Jul 27, 2018 21:56:28 GMT -5
Apart from Mario Karts (see above post of mine) on Nintendo 64, I was shithouse at other games like Super Mario World and suchlike.
Had I been 'good' at video games I may well have played them a lot, maybe, I dunno.
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Post by Dan on Jul 27, 2018 22:40:20 GMT -5
For me, I think the problem is how women treat their husbands who play video games. I am not talking about men who can't hold their jobs, or have social problems because they play video games, but normal men who likes to play a few hours a day because it is their hobby. For me, I used to play about 3-4 hours of video games a day and maybe 5-6 hours during the weekends. My W used to whine to her friends about me being Childish and later our marriage suffered because we have fights over it. Now my 'hobby' is thinking all day about outsourcing while my W watches TV shows while ignoring me all night. So you tell me what's worse. I see some of your points, and feel I need to nudge you to reconsider others. What I agree with: - It's not particularly fair for one spouse to call the other's interests "childish"; it's just inflammatory. What if your interests were kite-flying and model rockets.... or sports and cars... or painting and basket weaving... or gardening or pet-care... are any of those "childish"? Who cares?
- If she's constantly whining to her friends, she's airing her marital laundry outside the marriage; I can't see any good coming of that. She should work it out with you.
It doesn't matter what the activity IS: it matters if it is causing friction. Furthermore the friction should be address inside the marriage. (Her friends' opinions about "how much gaming should a husband be allowed" are ENTIRELY immaterial. That is like you hanging out with some lascivious guy friends and getting them to weigh in on what your wife should be doing in the bedroom.) But where I'm not on-board with you is: - 3-4 hours a day sounds like A LOT to me if you are a) a husband, b) a father, c) a homeowner. But, that might just be my life and the way I need to use my time.
- Frankly, you seem to be whining to folks on the Internet (us) about your wife watching too many TV shows. Have you discussed this with her?
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 28, 2018 8:30:04 GMT -5
Another interesting perspective on all this is, "who wins ,in the end? Who gets their way? How often? And why is that?"
It says how compatible you are, who is willing to compromise, what you consider compromising, and just how important your alone time is verses shared time with someone else.
One of the best things I discovered about a screen was finding things that where comical, entertaining, inspiring, motivating, and/or thought provoking. What I then enjoy the most is finding my teens and then sharing it with them. Did my ex ever do that? NO.
She will, and does remain totally detached from people until she needs something done for her.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2018 12:47:09 GMT -5
For me, I think the problem is how women treat their husbands who play video games. I am not talking about men who can't hold their jobs, or have social problems because they play video games, but normal men who likes to play a few hours a day because it is their hobby. For me, I used to play about 3-4 hours of video games a day and maybe 5-6 hours during the weekends. My W used to whine to her friends about me being Childish and later our marriage suffered because we have fights over it. Now my 'hobby' is thinking all day about outsourcing while my W watches TV shows while ignoring me all night. So you tell me what's worse. Are you joking? Assuming you have a full time job which keeps you out of the house all day until dinner time, and assuming you have kids to care for and play with before they go to bed, I would guess 3-4 hours of video games per day (and up to SIX hours on weekend days) means you are basically ignoring your wife until 11 or 12 every single night and then you complain that the way she treats YOU is the problem? Based on that, why exactly do you think she should be eager to rip your clothes off? I wouldn’t fuck you either. Until you change that, enjoy your prostitutes. Did I miss something? What prostitutes? |
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Post by twotimesone on Jul 28, 2018 22:15:25 GMT -5
Judging by the response of how much time that i used to spend in video games, I think that many people negatively judge towards adults who play video games. You don't hear men complain to their wives about obcessing about tv shows/soap operas. Why the negative stigma? And some people don't do any of the above. That's probably why I judge (and ultimately, I realize it just comes down to the fact that H and I are very, very different - and that's OK, it's just over between us). I don't watch TV (unless I am watching over the kids' shoulders for maybe 15 minutes a week, tops, and a movie maybe once a month. I definitely don't watch soaps (does anyone anymore??) I don't play video games. I do use my phone for text, internet, email, but I don't check FB every day and when I do, I'm only on for a few minutes at a time. I systematically unfollowed everyone because it was too much information for me to process and now I only use it minimally for school and to see occasional pics of my baby niece (she's worth it).
I will cop to being a bit of a freak/outlier when it comes to screens. They just don't hold my interest much, although I do like to post and/or read here sometimes. I think shamwow hit the nail on the head when he said that no one is really happy in these SM deals. It's a hard realization to come to that your spouse probably isn't happy either, but I think it's the truth. I'd so much rather be the innocent victim in this, but the truth is, my H doesn't want to be married to me any more than I want to be married to him. I just happen to be the one to call time of death. Sigh. Well, let me ask you a question. If you were married and your H asks you to stop being to be so chained up with your phone because your H believes that you pay more attention to your phone than your H, can you do that? Trust me, my W does that so much that pisses me off. At least when I play my games I know when I can put it down. My W probably spends more time in a typical day on her phone watching tv shows/social media than me when i used to pay video games. Also, many people, men and women play games is because it is a way of socializing each other, kind of similar to why you text and use facebook. If you W asks you to do that, will you do that? I hate using my phone, because of my job, I have to check on my emails regularly and I hate it. My manager complains about me not checking on my emails off hours. Did I miss something? What prostitutes? Out sourcing is going after prostitutes... I see some of your points, and feel I need to nudge you to reconsider others. What I agree with: - It's not particularly fair for one spouse to call the other's interests "childish"; it's just inflammatory. What if your interests were kite-flying and model rockets.... or sports and cars... or painting and basket weaving... or gardening or pet-care... are any of those "childish"? Who cares?
- If she's constantly whining to her friends, she's airing her marital laundry outside the marriage; I can't see any good coming of that. She should work it out with you.
It doesn't matter what the activity IS: it matters if it is causing friction. Furthermore the friction should be address inside the marriage. (Her friends' opinions about "how much gaming should a husband be allowed" are ENTIRELY immaterial. That is like you hanging out with some lascivious guy friends and getting them to weigh in on what your wife should be doing in the bedroom.) But where I'm not on-board with you is: - 3-4 hours a day sounds like A LOT to me if you are a) a husband, b) a father, c) a homeowner. But, that might just be my life and the way I need to use my time.
- Frankly, you seem to be whining to folks on the Internet (us) about your wife watching too many TV shows. Have you discussed this with her?
Yeah, sometimes when you talk to women who thinks she right and you're wrong, you might as well talk to a wall. |
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Post by Dan on Jul 28, 2018 23:07:53 GMT -5
Outsourcing is going after prostitutes... FWIW: Not on this site. "Outsourcing" refers to any seeking of sex/intimacy outside of one's marriage. This would include flings and affairs. |
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Post by choosinghappy on Jul 29, 2018 6:42:36 GMT -5
Outsourcing is going after prostitutes... FWIW: Not on this site. "Outsourcing" refers to any seeking of sex/intimacy outside of one's marriage. This would include flings and affairs. @islandtime, he has mentioned numerous times that he sees prostitutes to get his sexual needs met. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2018 7:29:43 GMT -5
FWIW: Not on this site. "Outsourcing" refers to any seeking of sex/intimacy outside of one's marriage. This would include flings and affairs. @islandtime , he has mentioned numerous times that he sees prostitutes to get his sexual needs met. Thanks, I guess I did miss something.
Because of my living/working arrangement, there are periods during the year when I'm on here frequently (like right around now), and there are periods when I'm scarce. Sometimes the one-offs and even the occasionally recurrent themes escape me. I think I just became the annoying guy at the movie who asks for a recap.  |
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okiedude
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Learning to live with my Situation.
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Age Range: 46-50
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Post by okiedude on Jul 30, 2018 1:25:57 GMT -5
I this this question was answered well by @ihadalove. But to add to it I play now and then but maybe once every couple of months alone. Usually when everyone is out to just release stress and veg. Any activity that is repetitive and takes time away from the family is bad. I had a buddy that fished all the time. Never with the kids or spouse. Same issue. I think playing video games and not wanting sex is very strange....
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Post by beachguy on Jul 30, 2018 1:31:48 GMT -5
I this this question was answered well by @ihadalove. But to add to it I play now and then but maybe once every couple of months alone. Usually when everyone is out to just release stress and veg. Any activity that is repetitive and takes time away from the family is bad. I had a buddy that fished all the time. Never with the kids or spouse. Same issue. I think playing video games and not wanting sex is very strange.... I think not wanting sex is strange. The excuse to be too busy for sex is rather irrelevant. As you say, it could just as easily be fishing... or anything |
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Post by h on Jul 30, 2018 5:32:07 GMT -5
I play simple games on my tablet every day, but not usually more than a half hour a day and only when I'm either alone, or W is doing the same. I used to be into video games more in college but mostly as a social activity. I don't think that video games are really as big a problem as people think they are. It's more about priorities. If a guy is playing games when he could be spending time with his lady that's a problem but the same goes for any obsessive activity. Same can be said of the ladies who devote hours to Pinterest instead of their men. Any activity can be bad but most aren't inherently so.
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