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Post by choosinghappy on Jul 24, 2018 22:52:49 GMT -5
I can’t see the poll through mobile but I will say that I’ve only dated one man who was into video games (that I know of. But not my STBX). It wasn’t an issue in my mind because he made time for me and his work, etc., but I personally just always found it to be a waste of time. Similar to sitting in front of the TV every night; there are so many other, better things to do in life. To each their own but it just reinforced to me that he and I weren’t cut out to be together as we had different priorities and interests.
I do think, though, that gaming is SO much more prevalent now than when we were dating before we met our spouses. If you’re interested in dating anyone in their mid-40s or younger, based on my knowledge, there’s probably a good possibility he’s into video games.
If you are NOT into that I suggest getting involved in meet-up groups for things that are of interest to you. You’d be more apt to find a man there who would share your interests.
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Post by warmways on Jul 24, 2018 23:10:14 GMT -5
Yes my H plays them all the time. If I knew the extent of his addiction I would have run. . I’d rather do stuff together and it was another of his addictions that made it impossible to connect.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 25, 2018 7:52:48 GMT -5
During my SM, I played TONS of video games. I stayed up late into the night, usually more than a bit fucked up drinking. Anything was better than going to the bedroom and being literally pushed away... Again.
In the year Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 came out, I spent over a month in game. That is 30 days of 24/7 time in game. I did the same with mobile games. I had 15 accounts in Clash of Clans.
Over the past year since I got out of that situation I hardly play at all. Almost never by myself. The times I play now is with my son. But that's actually spending time with my son. Totally different.
And nobody is more surprised than me.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 25, 2018 8:28:31 GMT -5
I can’t see the poll through mobile but I will say that I’ve only dated one man who was into video games (that I know of. But not my STBX). It wasn’t an issue in my mind because he made time for me and his work, etc., but I personally just always found it to be a waste of time. Similar to sitting in front of the TV every night; there are so many other, better things to do in life. To each their own but it just reinforced to me that he and I weren’t cut out to be together as we had different priorities and interests. I do think, though, that gaming is SO much more prevalent now than when we were dating before we met our spouses. If you’re interested in dating anyone in their mid-40s or younger, based on my knowledge, there’s probably a good possibility he’s into video games. If you are NOT into that I suggest getting involved in meet-up groups for things that are of interest to you. You’d be more apt to find a man there who would share your interests. You make a good point with the TV too. I used to be glued to it for the same reasons I drank and gamed. I wouldn't get "shot down" and it became an addiction. Since the divorce I cut my cable TV. I did sign up for Sling TV and Netflix because my kids do have some things they watch, but I'm thinking about cutting Sling too. I mean, how many seasons of "Deadliest Catch" did I have to watch before I figured out that they were gonna catch the crab? Much better to DO things than watch things I've found. |
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Post by elkclan2 on Jul 25, 2018 12:06:39 GMT -5
My SO does play video games and likes games in general. Similar to my ex. However, the difference is that my SO tends to play games that are put-down-able. And while yes, we do have some evenings when we just veg and play games - separate games, but in the same room - he has never failed to tidy, cook (if it's his turn), pay attention to children or pay attention to me in favour of video games.
Together, all five of us, play Pokemon Go - three boys 12 to 9 in age, which I really enjoy.
My ex was obsessed with Dungeons and Dragons and he still tries to arrange child custody around his D&D schedule. FFS.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 25, 2018 12:13:12 GMT -5
This seems judgemental, you're basing it off of two bad examples. The fact is that video games today are mainstream entertainment just like tv shows, watching sports, going to a play, ballet, etc. I've played a lot in the past but am currently not doing any. Like anything else it can be healthy and fun or addictive and destructive. You are 100% correct, it is judgemental. Thank you for pointing that out. I’m not a fan of video games, it’s true. I guess, what bothers me most about it though is when it (video gaming) replaces time that should be spent, oh I don’t know... having sex with your spouse??? I could probably tolerate it as a regular activity if the gaming gentleman in question was still making time for me. It’s a moot point now anyway. I just wondered how prevalent video game usage is among the dating pool I’m entering. Video games do have a high addiction rate so it’s something I’ll be on the lookout for. Addictions are a non-starter for a healthy relationship. Thank you for the perspective everyone! I appreciate it. My now (ex W ) was heavily into computers when we met, and i tried not to be judgemental. It was part of her career ,and part of it was daily budgeting, trip planning, photos, etc... However as the years went on, it easily became a power control tool. Something only she knew how to use,and it easily became an excuse to avoid time with her H and instead spend that time with kids on the computer (homeschool). Now, there isn't a person in the house who doesn't have a screen in their hand during a free moment! With a few exceptions, both of my adopted sons from China are too busy working, sports, school,homework,and visiting friends. My oldest will occasionally play computer games with others from China. I actually enjoy listening to it. it's such a rare treat to hear him burst out so loud with laughter and emotion (in Mandarin-his native language) while playing League Of Legends on the computer! My ex started spending entire weekends with my daughters watching Netflix soap operas. She considers it 'quality time'. I don't. I watch and listen to see how very little interaction and communication goes on between them during hours of sitting. When my ex is not doing that ,she is playing computer games. Just more validation of our differences. It reminds me of my own H.S. days when I would come home from one job, and there was my mom and sister watching Luke and Laura on General Hospital. Since it was the only TV in the house (a small house) I was forced to listen to the last 10 min. of it and could keep up with the whole story! Then it was out the door to my next job. That was my mother and sisters bonding time, (not really). Even today I don't own a TV at my new house, yet I find in my new adventure of starting over ,needing to spend too much time checking in on the computer ( a big downer of having an early retirement). It does seem harder and harder to not find someone who wants a screen in their hand during their free time. One last thing, talking on line has been extremely helpful for me, however I find it an entire separate world when I am speaking face to face again with new people. I need more and more practice. responding, listening, putting your thoughts into complete sentences. Then later on realizing there were other things you wish you could have said, but didn't have the luxury of thinking it through and typing it out. Going back into the dating world, and the workforce, I need more and more face to face communication. Now when my teenage daughter is with me, we talk for hours and do things together. It's like practice dating for me! |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 25, 2018 12:24:33 GMT -5
You are 100% correct, it is judgemental. Thank you for pointing that out. I’m not a fan of video games, it’s true. I guess, what bothers me most about it though is when it (video gaming) replaces time that should be spent, oh I don’t know... having sex with your spouse??? I could probably tolerate it as a regular activity if the gaming gentleman in question was still making time for me. It’s a moot point now anyway. I just wondered how prevalent video game usage is among the dating pool I’m entering. Video games do have a high addiction rate so it’s something I’ll be on the lookout for. Addictions are a non-starter for a healthy relationship. Thank you for the perspective everyone! I appreciate it. My now (ex W ) was heavily into computers when we met, and i tried not to be judgemental. It was part of her career ,and part of it was daily budgeting, trip planning, photos, etc... However as the years went on, it easily became a power control tool. Something only she knew how to use,and it easily became an excuse to avoid time with her H and instead spend that time with kids on the computer (homeschool). Now, there isn't a person in the house who doesn't have a screen in their hand during a free moment! With a few exceptions, both of my adopted sons from China are too busy working, sports, school,homework,and visiting friends. My oldest will occasionally play computer games with others from China. I actually enjoy listening to it. it's such a rare treat to hear him burst out so loud with laughter and emotion (in Mandarin-his native language) while playing League Of Legends on the computer! My ex started spending entire weekends with my daughters watching Netflix soap operas. She considers it 'quality time'. I don't. I watch and listen to see how very little interaction and communication goes on between them during hours of sitting. When my ex is not doing that she is playing computer games. Just more validation of our differences. It reminds me of my own H.S. days when I would come home from one job, and there was my mom and sister watching Luke and Laura on General Hospital. Since it was the only TV in the house (a small house) I was forced to listen to the last 10 min. of it and could keep up with the whole story! Then it was out the door to my next job. That was my mother and sisters bonding time, (not really). Even today I don't own a TV at my new house, yet I find in my new adventure of starting over ,needing to spend too much time checking in on the computer ( a big downer of having an early retirement). It does seem harder and harder to not find someone who wants a screen in their hand during their free time. One last thing, talking on line has been extremely helpful for me, however I find it an entire separate world when I am speaking face to face again with new people. I need more and more practice. responding, listening, putting your thoughts into complete sentences. Then later on realizing there was other things you wish you could have said, but didn't didn't have the luxury of thinking it through and typing it out. Going back into the dating world, and the workforce, I need more and more face to face communication. Now when my teenage daughter is with me, we talk for hours and do things together. It's like practice dating for me! That's funny about the soap opera thing. ballofconfusion and I had running joke about Days of our Lives. In middle school I caught the show for a summer and could jump back in 20 years later and not miss a beat. She had a similar experience. So a couple months back on a visit, we drove up to Los Angeles to a celibrity graveyard and found the grave of Stefano Dimera. Ok, the actor who played him, but on the show he kept getting killed and coming back to life. We wanted proof of death. Also paid our respects to Carrie Fischer (Princess Leia), Liberachi (fabulous memorial), Ronnie James Dio (Holy Diver), and David Carradine (I'm still all choked up about his death). In the way back home to San Diego, we stopped for a nice dinner in San Clemente and caught a sunset. So some of those TV shows (even soap operas) aren't all bad. Never thought I'd be at the grave of Stefano Dimera though. Life works in funny ways sometimes. |
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Post by WindSister on Jul 25, 2018 22:12:32 GMT -5
My ex played them all the time. He was lazy. He loved porn, too. He liked the virtual, make-believe world. My now husband is engaged in real life. We have sex, motorcycle, work on the house, travel, visit friends and family, hike, camp, kayak.... I like life now.  |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2018 14:59:10 GMT -5
My ex played them all the time. He was lazy. He loved porn, too. He liked the virtual, make-believe world. My now husband is engaged in real life. We have sex, motorcycle, work on the house, travel, visit friends and family, hike, camp, kayak.... I like life now. Laziness is really the issue around here as well. That and/or apathy. It extends into every single aspect of our life and marriage. Yuck. |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 26, 2018 17:57:49 GMT -5
My ex played them all the time. He was lazy. He loved porn, too. He liked the virtual, make-believe world. My now husband is engaged in real life. We have sex, motorcycle, work on the house, travel, visit friends and family, hike, camp, kayak.... I like life now. Laziness is really the issue around here as well. That and/or apathy. It extends into every single aspect of our life and marriage. Yuck. It could also be an escape on their part. My ex didn't play video games but she sure as hell spent weeks per year on Facebook. The sad truth is that when in a SM it probably ain't that great for anyone. |
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Post by sojourner on Jul 26, 2018 18:38:39 GMT -5
I absolutely play no video games! I am a software engineer, and I twiddle bits all day solving seemingly intractable problems. The last thing I want to do is sit in front of a computer for “fun”! And I am not a fan of sports. Why sit around watching others compete in physical activities?
There are all kinds of people.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 26, 2018 19:42:14 GMT -5
I absolutely play no video games! I am a software engineer, and I twiddle bits all day solving seemingly intractable problems. The last thing I want to do is sit in front of a computer for “fun”! And I am not a fan of sports. Why sit around watching others compete in physical activities? There are all kinds of people. So no porn either? 😉 That's watching others participate in physical activities. |
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Post by twotimesone on Jul 27, 2018 1:17:01 GMT -5
For me, I think the problem is how women treat their husbands who play video games. I am not talking about men who can't hold their jobs, or have social problems because they play video games, but normal men who likes to play a few hours a day because it is their hobby. For me, I used to play about 3-4 hours of video games a day and maybe 5-6 hours during the weekends. My W used to whine to her friends about me being Childish and later our marriage suffered because we have fights over it. Now my 'hobby' is thinking all day about outsourcing while my W watches TV shows while ignoring me all night. So you tell me what's worse.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jul 27, 2018 6:10:51 GMT -5
For me, I think the problem is how women treat their husbands who play video games. I am not talking about men who can't hold their jobs, or have social problems because they play video games, but normal men who likes to play a few hours a day because it is their hobby. For me, I used to play about 3-4 hours of video games a day and maybe 5-6 hours during the weekends. My W used to whine to her friends about me being Childish and later our marriage suffered because we have fights over it. Now my 'hobby' is thinking all day about outsourcing while my W watches TV shows while ignoring me all night. So you tell me what's worse. Are you joking? Assuming you have a full time job which keeps you out of the house all day until dinner time, and assuming you have kids to care for and play with before they go to bed, I would guess 3-4 hours of video games per day (and up to SIX hours on weekend days) means you are basically ignoring your wife until 11 or 12 every single night and then you complain that the way she treats YOU is the problem? Based on that, why exactly do you think she should be eager to rip your clothes off? I wouldn’t fuck you either. Until you change that, enjoy your prostitutes. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2018 7:46:02 GMT -5
Videogames are huge time wasters. But so is TV. So is obsessing over Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and Trump.
When the "hobbies" affect the relationship is when there is a problem.
We all have our priorities. When a spouse chooses a completely optional pastime over making time for their mate, they are making an active decision of their priorities.
I remember very clearly years ago, because it happened so rarely, that once my wife told me she wanted me while I was in the middle of working on my own obsessive hobby. I dropped everything to be with her. Something she never did for me.
Priorities.
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