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Post by dinnaken on Mar 19, 2017 8:34:39 GMT -5
I'm the oldest of three. Largely absent father (businessman). Learned to fend for myself, rather shy.
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 19, 2017 8:38:27 GMT -5
I'm the oldest of three. Largely absent father (businessman). Learned to fend for myself, rather shy. Hi dinnakenAnother "fend for myself" situation. Did you have brothers or sisters, or both? |
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Post by dinnaken on Mar 19, 2017 8:39:26 GMT -5
Hi,
I don't know what happened to my previous 'quick reply'; I apologise if it turns up somewhere inconvenient!
Anyhoo... I'm the oldest of three, fended for myself growing up.
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 19, 2017 10:29:34 GMT -5
I was the oldest of three and very independent.
Very shy as a child. A loner.
I moved out at 17 to go to college, worked 2 jobs and graduated in 3 and a half years.
My H was the first man that ever gave me attention.
I had a lot of male friends but just friends.
H was 7 years older than me too so at 19 I was still very naive.
I'm still very independent but not naive anymore.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Mar 19, 2017 11:20:03 GMT -5
I am the first born and only child. Regardless of the first born or only child, did you find yourself, as a child, left alone? More of a "She can take care of herself" home? Just curious. I may be looking for common traits that aren't there. Yes. That's it. The child that was left alone to fend for themselves, afraid to ask for what they need because to do so would cause a backlash. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Mar 19, 2017 11:24:51 GMT -5
My wife has told me I'm starved for love. I've heard that also. Also "needy". As in I need sex more then once a decade.
I have a fear of appearing needy. My husband is always saying how he can't stand needy people. When he talks like that it hits me hard. Close friends have told me that I am shielded. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Mar 19, 2017 11:33:09 GMT -5
First born here too. Extremely self sufficient and according to my counselor I have a very high pain (emotional) tolerance. Interesting question. I too have a high pain tolerance. I think it is something we learn at a young age. I ran with the boys and if I sat and cried over bumps and scrapes I would have been left behind. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Mar 19, 2017 11:34:45 GMT -5
I am the youngest of 3 and I had to fend for myself. My refuser is the oldest of 3. How many refusers are the oldest? I think the elder child would more likely be a refuser. Both my husband and I are eldest. I think it can go both ways. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 19, 2017 12:53:37 GMT -5
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Post by dinnaken on Mar 19, 2017 15:25:30 GMT -5
Hi JPN<
I have two brothers - both happily married!
Regards
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Post by dinnaken on Mar 19, 2017 15:34:09 GMT -5
Hi,
Hopefully, I'm now back in control of my keyboard!
For me Rhapsodee's comment about being 'afraid to ask' really strikes a chord. I've always had this 'I've got to sort this out myself' mentality, perhaps from fending for myself as a child; this has left me at times all at sea and lost, not knowing which way to turn. It's in the last few years, as I've accepted that there are others out there that I can turn to, that things have got easier.
For that reason finding this site and being able to share has been such a help.
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Post by rejected101 on Mar 19, 2017 17:37:04 GMT -5
Fourth born here.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2017 21:09:08 GMT -5
Regardless of the first born or only child, did you find yourself, as a child, left alone? More of a "She can take care of herself" home? Just curious. I may be looking for common traits that aren't there. Yes. That's it. The child that was left alone to fend for themselves, afraid to ask for what they need because to do so would cause a backlash. Did you live in my house when I was a kid, Rhapsodee? |
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Post by cagedtiger on Mar 19, 2017 21:18:34 GMT -5
I'll expand on my earlier answer.
Oldest of 4. Two and half years between me and the next sibling, then a twelve year gap (different mother, dad remarried), then 15 years between me and the youngest. From a very young age, I had to be a caretaker for not only my younger brother, but also a mentally ill mother, and a depressed dad. Obviously, that's had a big effect on me, in terms of being a "fixer" and a caretaker still.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Mar 19, 2017 21:43:18 GMT -5
Yes. That's it. The child that was left alone to fend for themselves, afraid to ask for what they need because to do so would cause a backlash. Did you live in my house when I was a kid, Rhapsodee? Indeed sister! We grew up in different families together! |
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