|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jul 31, 2016 18:32:42 GMT -5
Put another check mark in the 1st born column for me. Maybe you are on to something? I'm seeing a lot of 1st borns % wise.
|
|
|
|
Post by ted on Jul 31, 2016 18:37:53 GMT -5
I'm a first-born.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2016 19:43:30 GMT -5
I'm an only child, and after age nine, an only child of a single parent. I'm not fully convinced birth order has a direct correlation with sexless marriages. But, I agree with Rhapsodee. Fending for myself since a young age may be contributing to my sexless marriage. My husband has called me out on my self-sufficiency. If I softened myself and were more eager to ask for and accept help, would it make me more attractive? Who knows.
Women need to feel wanted. Men want to feel needed. Or some shit like that.
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on Jul 31, 2016 21:01:40 GMT -5
A quick tote up of responders here (20) reveals that 16 are the oldest child.
-
Given that these days with a western birthrate of roughly 2, you are a 50/50 chance of being the oldest anyway, I'd have expected that about half the responders would have been the oldest child. That would have been 10 out of the 20 responders.
-
So 16 out of 20 - in this sample - is waaaaay over the odds.
Suggesting that there is something in the theory.
-
I guess this points to me having a big heart to heart with my eldest son !!!
-
For all that, all of the responders are IN ILIASM shitholes.
And I can't see this knowledge actually being of assistance to the issue of getting OUT.
Interesting though.
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Jul 31, 2016 21:15:02 GMT -5
Just to add to your poll I was the youngest of two. However my sister is 4 years older than me. Some research would claim that an age difference of that many years makes your growing up seem like an only child. When I started H.S. My sister had graduated and was off to college. When my sister was dating at 16, I was 12 and girls still had cooties back then. My sister did most of her growing up in one location. At 12 yrs old, I was plucked from our N.J. town and moved to the world of country back roads, and tobacco fields. Mom also started her bi-polar after the move.
All things that shape your character, growing up.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2016 12:40:15 GMT -5
Another oldest child here. @andie, I too have wondered if my very self-sufficiency and ability to cope with life have made me more likely to be neglected. Do I give off vibes that say, "I don't need you"?
|
|
|
|
Post by RumRunner on Aug 1, 2016 12:45:17 GMT -5
Last born here of a family of 5! So that must make me an odd duck, as usual.  |
|
|
|
Post by litnerd on Aug 1, 2016 15:17:52 GMT -5
I'm the oldest of 5. H is the middle of 3.
|
|
|
|
Post by wewbwb on Aug 1, 2016 15:23:16 GMT -5
At 12 yrs old, I was
from our N.J. town and moved to the world of country back roads, and tobacco fields. Mom also started her bi-polar after the move. All things that shape your character, growing up. You misspelled "saved" |
|
|
|
Post by LITW on Aug 1, 2016 15:40:20 GMT -5
I am the firstborn of two in my family.
I find it fascinating (like Mr Spock) at how many firstborns there are in our group. I would never have associated being a firstborn with being refused, but maybe you are on to something. Firstborns in general are expected to be mature and responsible, and to give without asking to be given to--
That said, I doubt the "you don't have because you dont ask" platitude wont fly with us because all of us have asked, and been refused for one reason or another.
|
|
|
|
Post by emmablueeyes on Aug 1, 2016 15:45:24 GMT -5
First born here too. Extremely self sufficient and according to my counselor I have a very high pain (emotional) tolerance. Interesting question.
|
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Aug 17, 2016 0:46:33 GMT -5
I'm curious. How many refused are firstborn? I ask this because I am the eldest of four. The first three of us are very close in age. I was left standing alone at 2-1/2 while my poor mother tended to a one year old and a newborn. I learned to fend for myself. I learned to accept what I couldn't control and not ask for anything. I also learned how to get what I wanted by taking advantage of situations. I always ran under the radar. They could never figure me out. I never stole anything or hurt anyone. I always told the truth, but not the whole truth. I understood that if I was doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing, such as getting birth control pills, I needed to have two reasons for being there. One the real reason and the other the alibi. These skills continue to serve me well. But I wonder if they also enable my husband to refuse me. Here I am again. The little girl left standing alone fending for myself. He is a very busy man. He has a company and 30 employees to attend to. This is something I cannot change. I have learned to not ask for anything. I can see how busy he is. I learned to take care of my own sexual needs. I had never cheated or lied but I don't tell the whole truth. I am still flying under the radar with my online friends and ILIASM. I still make sure I have two reasons for being wherever I am if I'm doing something I'm not supposed to be doing. I'm also eldest of four. One sister and I are close in age, and my other brother and sister are about 7 years apart. My parents said they "loved" me but never showed any affection and was very quick to use physical punishment when I got out of line. They were very controlling with me. So I learned to be content alone. I never asked for anything because I usually would get a negative response.
The skill of trying to be content alone has served me well in 2 SMs. It still hurts to be rejected by someone who said and showed at one time they loved me. But I've learned to find alternative ways to deal with things. I take care of my own sexual needs, and I try and make new friends with people who have had the same or very similar experiences so that I can be a supportive friend in whatever form that I can be and it helps me to understand there are people who have similar experiences that helps me feel I'm not alone.
|
|
|
|
Post by leifericson on Mar 18, 2017 22:00:45 GMT -5
I am the youngest of 3 and I had to fend for myself. My refuser is the oldest of 3. How many refusers are the oldest? I think the elder child would more likely be a refuser.
|
|
jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75 
Age Range: 46-50
|
Post by jpn on Mar 19, 2017 8:30:31 GMT -5
W is the middle of 3 girls, and I'm the 3rd or 4 (I have 3 sisters).
I'm here and she is just happy with her routines of life. So not sure that it fits with the "norm".
Except for maybe the "fend for myself" part.
|
|
jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
|
Post by jpn on Mar 19, 2017 8:33:13 GMT -5
Another oldest child here. @andie , I too have wondered if my very self-sufficiency and ability to cope with life have made me more likely to be neglected. Do I give off vibes that say, "I don't need you"? Hmmmmm... I think I can relate to that. |
|
