A guy exiting his SM goes to a bar.....

I don't doubt that being direct will get results, probably often enough for them to tolerate the bad responses. (Meanwhile, giving other women solid evidence for keeping their guard up.)

HEYYYYYYYYY.........

Surfergirl loves the bar down the road that she can walk to. I'm very certain greatcoastal and Dan love surfer girls. Both Dan and Great Coastal know what SurferGirl looks like and knows her guard is not up. Take it back, Dan! LOL

HEYYY... I met you HERE first! Imagine how limited our coversation would have been without it?

Sorry I can't post an article I read yesterday. I'm limited to my phone, for now)
It was about bartenders being able to spot a couple that has met on tinder and is seeing each other in person for the first time.

The bartenders make bets about how long they will last, and have some pretty unique stories.(some leave with a different person than they met. One bartender who could have learned from all this experience met his date on Tinder. Their first night at the bar went well. They where going to meet for a second date. The next night his " date" showed up at the bar that he works at with another guy!
He ended up having to serve them drinks....awkward!!



They see them walk in separately, one is always early, and watch the awkwardness of the interegation questions. They say those are the ones who met on bumble.

While others have a lot of ease and laughter, things flow. Those met on Tinder.

All foriegn and strange to me after 25 yrs of being locked in my SM.

That's been my very limited experience. People walk in with a friend or a date. Or they are meeting someone there already.

To the guys who don’t think they’d find their type in a bar, I can tell you that I don’t drink, I don’t do bars, and I will not be looking for men in bars. So, I guess, if I’m your type and you’re mine, you’re spot on - I won’t be looking for you in a bar and wouldn’t date you if I found you in one.

To each their own! But there are plenty of folks out there who’d prefer just about any venue over a bar for meeting a potential match. The gym? The library? A museum? Hiking? Church? Introduced by a friend? Yep!

Carry on.

One thing I am learning, (and MAN have I been experiencing A lot in the past two weeks!) is that singles groups from meetup.com will do a variety of things! Meet at the beach, go kayaking, theaters, plays,etc.. ( I was even invited to go to the strip club!)  That includes meeting at a bar. It's a whole lot nicer than walking in alone! All it took was already knowing one or two people at a table full of strangers to make you feel at ease and able to be yourself .
The bar itself offers dancing, outdoor eating, food, etc.. people leave early and others arrive late. There are also people at opposite tables observing the group have a good time. You can move around more when your going to the dance floor and back to the table and sit in other chairs. Not like in a restaurant where you are pretty well stuck at the same table next to the same person for the evening.

I do remember having a very similar approach as yours @elle . My year of dance lessons was barely used,since my alternatives where the few times our church singles group had a dance versus the other two alternatives.  1)  Continually paying for dance lessons ,just to maybe meet someone, or  2)  the only other places in town with a dance floor was bars. I chose not to go. I put people in a box, just because they were " at a bar", and yet others could have easily done the same with me, ( had I gone to the bars)  even though i was there to dance, just like at church dances and be the same person.

I also feel things are a lot different now versus in my 20's when I was actively seeking marriage. I have a lot more baggage now, and so will everyone else we/I meet that is my age.

Thank you for this good advice northstarmom. I've already gotten prices and schedules for dance lessons again. It's high on my priority list.

(I still need to continue my education and seek the right full time employment. Fortunately I can be selective.)

Meeting a woman at dance lessons has its advantages. Forced physical contact- just hands, and my hand on her back. Eye contact. Meeting them again the following week. Dancing with them other times during the week. Knowing they come alone,and they are single. Time to find out more about them one on one, or from others. You can't dance to EVERY song, you have time to sit and practice meeting people. There is always seeing them outside of class too.

On the same topic of meeting woman. I no longer volunteer at my church, so I am free to meet and speak with people. Sometimes my daughter is with me. This week I was alone. I found myself sitting alone but had a single woman sitting behind me and 2 other single woman, a few seats away from me on both sides,and a married woman in front of me. It's time to great people and shake hands. I find myself meeting 3 other woman. All a bit younger than me, quite attractive! I tell them my name they tell me theirs, I welcome them.

It ends there for me. When church is over ,people seem more concerned with getting out the door and not speaking or meeting anyone. It's a big crowd, before you know it that person you wanted to speak to is lost in the shuffle.

I talked with a friend of mine about this , his advice to me? greatcoastal when you introduce yourself to these women,you need to ask these women " would you join me for some coffee after church? "

My mind races with reasons why "I can't do that". I might offend someone. It doesn't seem the right place and time. What if she's married? Instead I did watch the woman sitting behind me leave. I saw her stop at the information table and get a free cup. I noticed no one spoke to her, and she spoke to no one else and drove off alone. I told my friend, " If I see her again next week I would feel better speaking to her. The hard part is finding her! ( we have a new building that seats 900 people now,and 2 services)
My friend says, " so you ask her out, if she says no or she tells you she's married, you say , I didn't know, and you still ask her more about herself and let it go, you gave her a compliment"

It's still all new ground for me. I'm learning that a woman does want me to take the lead, but I've had that drained out of me from decades of caving to keep the peace. I'm working on it!