Christian Marriage Article

Even your church teachings can’t make your wife want to fuck you. What’s the point of leaving that article out? It’s not going to cause your wife to become a woman who lusts for you and fucks you with delight.

True that I’m an atheist. Still, it seemed that you still are trying to find a way to convince your wife to fuck you and to presumably do that enthusiastically and happily. Ain’t gonna happen. At best, she’ll offer resentful starfish sex.

Meanwhile, it’s between you and your church leadership whether you have an acceptable reason in your faith to divorce her. Leaving that article visible in your home isn’t going to affect those people’s opinion. If what you want is your pastor’s blessing to divorce, then take the article to him and see if he thinks you have reason to divorce. If he says, @yes,” you can file conscious free of guilt and you can quote your pastor to your wife and others of faith.

And you know this.... because you are omniscient?


I listen to Sexy Marriage Radio podcast (Corey Allan and Shannon Etheridge), and recently Etheridge made an interesting observation.

Apart from the podcast, Shannon conducts an in-her-home workshop for women entitled Woman At The Well. From what I understand, 10 women at a time camp in her house for a week and workshop together. On a recent podcast, I heard her say that there are two types of women who usually attend her workshops. The one that caught my ear was this one: “women who want help with their libido because they know that they have something to lose if they don’t do something to change things.”

In other words, these are wives who come to realize that they truly have skin in the game, and stand to lose something if they continue on in their complacent ways. They realize that the status of their status quo might not remain quo and are motivated to do something about it. To use your words, they realize that they have a problem wanting to f*ck their husbands, but realize that they had to turn themselves around or they could lose their husbands.

When I shared that in the comments of an XY Code blog, the owner of XY Code told me that he had met a couple of wives who had attended Woman At The Well workshops "and they both found it excellent. Painful and revealing, but very helpful", to use his words.

There's an internet abbreviation that goes YMMV. You seem to disagree with that and apply Procrustean logic that says all marriages must fit your iron bed.

That may be true in the end but I made the decision to keep trying until the medical excuses are no longer valid. I'm still going to try until then. Consider it a promise to myself. I keep my word. I'm still saving up an emergency nest egg for if things don't change but I'm going to keep trying right up until it's either fixed or over.

To be perfectly honest, this "leaving articles around for your missus to find" strategy looks like straight up passive aggressive behaviour to me Brother h .

I had best add that back in my days in my deal, I was a great exponent of passive aggression toward my missus. Leaving articles around, reading relationship books in her direct line of sight and suchlike bullshit.
And my missus was pretty handy at this "skill" too.
In my experience, it doesn't work. In fact I found it entirely unhelpful.
Hard habit to break though.

As I am in a similar situation, a Christian marriage without sex, I think this article may have potential. It is well written, uses the Bible well, and for my wife would be a new part for her to consider. She's not a long-term believer and doesn't know the Bible well. For me to thrust the article at her would be a mistake. She would react negatively. However, maybe if she ran across it, she'd read and think.

Northstarmom, you're right. The article will not make our wives want to fuck us. Or suck us, or anything else. But maybe with the conviction of sin that comes from God, they will have a change of heart. I know you are an atheist but that is our belief. Something outside of me changed me. I hope the same will happen to my wife.

Thank you to the OP for the article and to everyone else for the other ideas. I wish my wife could go to one of those workshops. Or that we could find any kind of workshop together to help in the marriage bed.

I'm no longer a believer but I was raised as a Christian and so I understand the mindset. I even largely agree with the article (other than the religious aspects) in the sense of bleh marriage with maybe not enough sex, but everything else is fine. Theologically, I think it's ok, but it's a dangerous article without HUGE caveats that I didn't think the author took enough time to address about sexual abuse of the kind where someone demands sex without consideration (some of the commenters had such theology used against them when they were in pain, ill, sexual activity left them in pain, etc).

In fact, as a woman, it had HUGE, HUGE, HUGE alarm bells ringing in my head. I know it wasn't meant to be like that, but it really reads like an abuser's charter. And this is coming from someone who completely believes wholeheartedly that we do have responsibility for our partner's sexual needs, as well as their emotional and physical needs. I would no more leave my partner standing in the cold rain (well, it's England...and he has a job where he often has to do that anyway, so sometimes I do) or deny him food from my table than I would deny his sexual needs if it was at all in my power fulfil his needs. This is coming from a woman who was abused and controlled by a spouse who withheld sex and who has never felt abused by a partner demanding too much.

But even if I were a believer, some dude off the internet telling me that the Bible tells me I have to do something I find disgusting like eat dung beetles to satisfy my wifely duties - well, I ain't gonna do it. And having scripture put together in a way that makes it seem like I really must be eating dung beetles is going to affect my faith more than it affects my desire to eat dung beetles. At best, I might eat one, but I wouldn't enjoy it. If your wife has a significant emotional, physical or psychological aversion to sex - and it kinda sounds like she does - this article will do nothing but ick her out and make her feel like you are using your shared faith to guilt her into doing something she REALLY does not want to do. I completely agree with Baz it's passive aggressive. And yes, I bought books and left them around and read them in front of my refusing spouse, too. And it didn't do me a blind bit of good. The only thing that did was realising where I was and moving on with my life first alone and then with a new partner.

If your wife wanted to have a satisfying physical relationship with you she'd be doing so already- this article wouldn't make her do it. If you want to prove to her that you have a theologically sound reason to set her aside, then I don't think this will do it either. All humans are capable of using their holy books or laws or tenets of their beliefs to justify what they want. You know that. She knows that. She will see that article as you showing her your justification for either being pissed off in the marriage or self-justified in divorce. I promise you, if you divorce her, she is 99.9% unlikely to say "my husband justifiably divorced me because I wouldn't put out as much as a christian woman should".