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Post by pheonix25 on Oct 3, 2017 9:00:59 GMT -5
I layed in bed a good 3 hours last nicght contemplating if i had the balls do basically go beg for sex and possibly be denied or if it would jist be easier to handle business myself. Almost 3 months of no sex and only 2 times in the last 8... i basically felt mad. So i did it, i went and initiated and god yall it was horrible. He basically just took what he wanted and went to bed. I didnt even get close. Im so over it. I tried asking if we could slow things out and make out a bit, he obliged but i swear it just felt like he was going throigh the motions. What am i doing wrong, why is it so awkward. Ive always thought of myself as a really sexual person and last night i felt like it was my first time. I honestly dont think i can keep doing this.
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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 3, 2017 9:27:24 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear, unfortunately many of us know exactly what your feeling.
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 3, 2017 9:37:17 GMT -5
pheonix25 , welcome to the club nobody wants to be a member of. I know exactly what you are doing wrong, because I made the same mistake for a quarter century. You are asking yourself what you are doing wrong. That is what you are doing wrong. The problem is not you.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 3, 2017 10:33:34 GMT -5
Aw man...Sorry to hear. It really sucks
I know it wont make you feel better but maybe there is some comfort in knowing that many of us have been there done that.
Take a moment to process your feelings and gather your thoughts then move on. Dont let yourself dwell in that place. No good can come of it.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 3, 2017 10:38:32 GMT -5
"I honestly dont think i can keep doing this."
When someone shows you who they are and it's not what you want, move on.
You do not have to keep initiating sex with someone who obviously doesn't give a damn about sex with you. If you want a mutually satisfying sexual relationship, it won't be from your husband. As you have experienced, you can't beg or entice someone into loving you the way you want.
You can choose to let go of a relationship that is not what you want.
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Post by McRoomMate on Oct 3, 2017 10:58:35 GMT -5
Welcome. Very tough post to read.
Your H sounds like an A-hole and does not give a hoot about you or your needs.
What was so glaringly in between the words was it seems you BOTH are FORCING to have sex or intimacy. Neither of you seem to be enjoying it or being fulfilled.
Courage - but sounds like decision time here soon.
1. Stay
2. Leave
3. Cheat
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Post by pheonix25 on Oct 3, 2017 11:16:07 GMT -5
Welcome. Very tough post to read. Your H sounds like an A-hole and does not give a hoot about you or your needs. What was so glaringly in between the words was it seems you BOTH are FORCING to have sex or intimacy. Neither of you seem to be enjoying it or being fulfilled. Courage - but sounds like decision time here soon. 1. Stay 2. Leave 3. Cheat I truly feel as if i cant leave. We both have no family and we have a little one. I grew up without a father and i will do whatever i have to do to make sure my son has everything he needs in life. We hamdle financial business and overall have a very happy home. There is a lot of affection outside of the bedroom and honestly everyone thinks we are very happy, and i am aside from this but this one thing is consuming me. I really do want to outsource but honestly i dont know how to even go about it... i dont even feel like i could be good at sex again anyways if i could figure out how to get some. Lol... laat night was so horrible it wasnt like i forgot how to ride the bike it was like i forgot what a bike was all together! Just terrible! All i can do is laugh about it or else i may just cry. |
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Post by shamwow on Oct 3, 2017 11:52:46 GMT -5
I layed in bed a good 3 hours last nicght contemplating if i had the balls do basically go beg for sex and possibly be denied or if it would jist be easier to handle business myself. Almost 3 months of no sex and only 2 times in the last 8... i basically felt mad. So i did it, i went and initiated and god yall it was horrible. He basically just took what he wanted and went to bed. I didnt even get close. Im so over it. I tried asking if we could slow things out and make out a bit, he obliged but i swear it just felt like he was going throigh the motions. What am i doing wrong, why is it so awkward. Ive always thought of myself as a really sexual person and last night i felt like it was my first time. I honestly dont think i can keep doing this. So my advice is this: - Go into the garage - Find a baseball bat or other heavy club-like object - Beat the following into your head until it "sticks" It is him, not you. You will read here countless examples of "why chasing". I went through my own, silently lowering my own self-worth with each round of them. Now that I'm no longer in my SM, it is as though a fog has lifted. With that said, I don't think I was ready to leave until I had completely beaten myself down. It was only at that point I began to entertain the concept that I wasn't unfuckable. It is him, not you. This should become your mantra. |
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Post by shamwow on Oct 3, 2017 11:56:30 GMT -5
Welcome. Very tough post to read. Your H sounds like an A-hole and does not give a hoot about you or your needs. What was so glaringly in between the words was it seems you BOTH are FORCING to have sex or intimacy. Neither of you seem to be enjoying it or being fulfilled. Courage - but sounds like decision time here soon. 1. Stay 2. Leave 3. Cheat I truly feel as if i cant leave. We both have no family and we have a little one. I grew up without a father and i will do whatever i have to do to make sure my son has everything he needs in life. We hamdle financial business and overall have a very happy home. There is a lot of affection outside of the bedroom and honestly everyone thinks we are very happy, and i am aside from this but this one thing is consuming me. I really do want to outsource but honestly i dont know how to even go about it... i dont even feel like i could be good at sex again anyways if i could figure out how to get some. Lol... laat night was so horrible it wasnt like i forgot how to ride the bike it was like i forgot what a bike was all together! Just terrible! All i can do is laugh about it or else i may just cry. Two months off the bike isn't enough to forget how to pedal. I was 3 years without, and it "came back" pretty damn quick. But right now, you're riding a bicycle built for two with a lazy bastard behind you refusing to pedal. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2017 12:10:13 GMT -5
I layed in bed a good 3 hours last nicght contemplating if i had the balls do basically go beg for sex and possibly be denied or if it would jist be easier to handle business myself. Almost 3 months of no sex and only 2 times in the last 8... i basically felt mad. So i did it, i went and initiated and god yall it was horrible. He basically just took what he wanted and went to bed. I didnt even get close. Im so over it. I tried asking if we could slow things out and make out a bit, he obliged but i swear it just felt like he was going throigh the motions. What am i doing wrong, why is it so awkward. Ive always thought of myself as a really sexual person and last night i fHelt like it was my first time. I honestly dont think i can keep doing this. I really wish I could say that this is foreign to me, but it is not. Before 2005, I would ask and be refused on a regular basis. Then I stopped asking. My refuser would get the urge for sex every 6-8 weeks, and I was so horny that I could not resist. Then she cut me off totally in 2008. I was able to stay until Feb 29, 2016. |
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Post by neonspace on Oct 3, 2017 12:15:15 GMT -5
Sounds like it just as well could have been a night at my house. Many people have this misery in common with you. I'm sorry you are going through it too.
I don't know why but when I see these posts from women it just infuriates me. I don't know if it is because I thought it was primarily a problem men had. Or just the frustration of knowing that there are women out there who want to go slow and kiss and want that emotional connection as much as I do, but I'm not married to one.
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 3, 2017 13:19:59 GMT -5
I see the options just a little more veriegated.
1.1. Stay, and accept that the sexual aspect is gone.
1.2. Stay, and pressure your spouse to do things they don't want to do.
1.3. Stay, but be clear to your spouse that you want an open marriage so that you can have your needs met.
2. Stay, but have your needs met covertly.
3. Leave, because the relationship is not meeting your needs, and it is the honest thing to do.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2017 13:31:12 GMT -5
Sounds like it just as well could have been a night at my house. Many people have this misery in common with you. I'm sorry you are going through it too. I don't know why but when I see these posts from women it just infuriates me. I don't know if it is because I thought it was primarily a problem men had. Or just the frustration of knowing that there are women out there who want to go slow and kiss and want that emotional connection as much as I do, but I'm not married to one. When I first realized that there were refused women, I was also amazed and appalled. I also thought I was the only refused husband also. This led me to believe that everything was my fault. For the first 10 years of my marriage, I was convinced that since everything was my fault, I just needed to try harder or use a different approach. I feel like I almost killed myself trying and trying and trying. But I am still very very sad when I read about yet another woman who is sexually frustrated in her marriage. |
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Post by iceman on Oct 3, 2017 13:58:03 GMT -5
I'm sorry this is happening. It sucks big time I know. I agree with McRoomMate, he sounds like an A hole. No consideration of your needs which I don't get. For me satisfying my partner is part of what I need for my own arousal. Just pounding away without regards for their pleasure doesn't do it for me.
i know you're hurting. My advice is to process your feelings and figure out what to do to help yourself, and then act on it. If you don't the sharp pain you feel know will turn into a constant dull ache and that's no way to live. I've been rejected so many times that pain I used to feel so sharply when I'm rejected isn't there any longer. It's just a dull ache I feel all the time and it sucks the life out of me. Act before you reach that state!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2017 15:22:41 GMT -5
Welcome. Very tough post to read. Your H sounds like an A-hole and does not give a hoot about you or your needs. What was so glaringly in between the words was it seems you BOTH are FORCING to have sex or intimacy. Neither of you seem to be enjoying it or being fulfilled. Courage - but sounds like decision time here soon. 1. Stay 2. Leave 3. Cheat I truly feel as if i cant leave. We both have no family and we have a little one. I grew up without a father and i will do whatever i have to do to make sure my son has everything he needs in life. We hamdle financial business and overall have a very happy home. There is a lot of affection outside of the bedroom and honestly everyone thinks we are very happy, and i am aside from this but this one thing is consuming me. I really do want to outsource but honestly i dont know how to even go about it... i dont even feel like i could be good at sex again anyways if i could figure out how to get some. Lol... laat night was so horrible it wasnt like i forgot how to ride the bike it was like i forgot what a bike was all together! Just terrible! All i can do is laugh about it or else i may just cry. Hi pheonix25I always believed that I was living in a perfect relashionship outside the bedroom, with a lot of affection like you. But we need to be able to see what is true love and passion from what is friendship, wich is my case. My husband is my best friend of life! Sadly, he isn´t a good husband since he can´t deal with my sexual needs and now I can see we have a lack of affection too. I know what you´ve been experiencing, cause we are know as the perfect couple, happy, with a beautiful little daughter and I can understand your concern about your son but you need to think about your future too. Did you try to talk with someone about it? A friend? And what about individual therapy? It can help you... And we are all here if you need. People here are wonderful as you might have noticed  |
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