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Post by pheonix25 on Oct 1, 2017 12:54:23 GMT -5
It has been 2 months since weve had sex and before that it was longer... weve been together four yeats and married for 2... we had ans awesome sex life before marriage and since that day its been a constant fight. He wont even talk about, basically when i try says it goes both ways and puts much of the blame on me. I give up and everything between us is great but its just that i cant not have sex. I feel like im losing my mind and honestly every sungle man i meet i am starting to think of in a sexual way because im not getting any physical attention at home... i havent cheated but its something that i keep thinking about. Divorce is not an option right now we have a small child and neither of us have support in our family so it is literally just us. We are a great match aside from this.... i feel so alone.
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Post by tirefire on Oct 1, 2017 15:18:31 GMT -5
You are not alone here. Welcome.
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Post by M2G on Oct 1, 2017 15:22:00 GMT -5
No you're not alone at all. I just arrived here yesterday. Glad to meet you, but very sorry 'bout the reasons you're here.
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Post by pheonix25 on Oct 1, 2017 15:50:44 GMT -5
Im only 25 and i feel like all my best sex years are passing me by.... what do i do.... i dont think i could cheat most days and others im like fuck it its just sex, why not. I honestly think it would just backfire and make me more aware of my crappy situation. Has anybody successfully brought back the spark? Is it even possible? I feel like he has a sex life that is completely seperate from me and our life (porn) and its turning me into a very insecure angry person.
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Post by TMD on Oct 1, 2017 16:05:51 GMT -5
The good news is that, at 20ish years older than you, the best sex years of your life are still ahead. I worried about that too when first married into a sexless marriage. I can confidently confirm that sex is even better in my 40s.
Divorce is an option. If that what you choose. If not, then you must find a way to reconcile yourself to this life. The fact that your spouse won’t talk to you, and shifts the blame, is not a good sign. Communication is so very critical.
There are options: which I’m sure others have already shared.
I chose the, “stay and cheat,” option. It’s not an easy road and even I wouldn’t recommend it.
Nearly 5 years later, I am extricating myself (painfully slowly) from my marriage. Because what’s missing is not simply sex, it’s intimacy, on all levels, including the ability (or in our case, inability) to talk-communicate.
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Post by bballgirl on Oct 1, 2017 16:22:08 GMT -5
You have found the best place to deal with this problem.
You are lucky to have found this place early in your marriage and not after decades. Communication is key. I recommend you lay your cards on the table, set a timeline for yourself, and don't worry about hurting his feelings or his manhood because he is hurting you by not being intimate so he needs a taste of his own medicine.
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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 1, 2017 17:27:28 GMT -5
It sounds like your got the bait and switch. He fucked your enough to get the ring on and now he is done having sex.
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Post by takestwototango on Oct 1, 2017 18:15:53 GMT -5
pheonix25, sorry you have to be here. I hate having to be here, too, but welcome. A lot of good people here who will help you navigate this hellhole of a SM.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2017 22:05:54 GMT -5
Im only 25 and i feel like all my best sex years are passing me by.... what do i do.... i dont think i could cheat most days and others im like fuck it its just sex, why not. I honestly think it would just backfire and make me more aware of my crappy situation. Has anybody successfully brought back the spark? Is it even possible? I feel like he has a sex life that is completely seperate from me and our life (porn) and its turning me into a very insecure angry person. I am so sorry. Please post here and read. I am sure you will find understanding and encouragement. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2017 22:26:49 GMT -5
It could be that the porn is the main issue here. Do some research on that. I truly believe that porn can destroy marriages and ruin men for real sex. It bypasses the work of true intimacy and makes men think that women should look or act in ways that most women just don't. It's totally unrealistic. If you can convince your husband that porn is a destructive addiction, you may have a shot. Especially given that you're only 2 months w/o sex. Many of us have gone months or years. Good luck to you!
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Post by baza on Oct 1, 2017 22:34:35 GMT -5
"Everything is great bar the sex" eh ?
Many many stories start off in this manner in here.
Very few stories end that way.
So I would invite you to put your stated position - that everything is great bar the sex - under the microscope and take a really hard look at it, to ensure that you are not looking back at this through rose coloured glasses.
If your deal is to be sorted out - one way or another - then you have to be upfront and honest with each other. And more importantly, up front and honest with yourself first and foremost.
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Post by obobfla on Oct 1, 2017 22:44:13 GMT -5
It could be that the porn is the main issue here. Do some research on that. I truly believe that porn can destroy marriages and ruin men for real sex. It bypasses the work of true intimacy and makes men think that women should look or act in ways that most women just don't. It's totally unrealistic. If you can convince your husband that porn is a destructive addiction, you may have a shot. Especially given that you're only 2 months w/o sex. Many of us have gone months or years. Good luck to you! Porn does cause problems, but men more attracted to porn is more of an issue of men who don’t equate sex with intimacy. Some men have it in their head that good girls shouldn’t like sex but bad girls do. We also believe that sex should only be with the hot girls we see in porn and not the new mom who has put on a few pounds. It doesn’t excuse their behavior, though. These men just have a warped idea of what sex should be. It’s kind of like my problem with alcohol. Beer and whiskey did not cause me to be an alcoholic. Rather, it was chemistry coupled with my attitude. Today, I can walk into a bar, order a Diet Coke, and not have any urges to drink. I don’t need alcohol, and I don’t need a shapely woman to enjoy sex. A self-confident woman who can care about me and challenge my mind can turn me on just as well. |
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Post by h on Oct 2, 2017 4:57:35 GMT -5
Im only 25 and i feel like all my best sex years are passing me by.... what do i do.... i dont think i could cheat most days and others im like fuck it its just sex, why not. I honestly think it would just backfire and make me more aware of my crappy situation. Has anybody successfully brought back the spark? Is it even possible? I feel like he has a sex life that is completely seperate from me and our life (porn) and its turning me into a very insecure angry person. I'm struggling with the same dilemma. I've been married for over 9 years and the extremely rare sex started at the beginning. We averaged less than 10 times a year even in our first year of marriage. She even turned me down on our wedding night which was a huge slap in the face since we didn't have sex before marriage. Now I'm in my 30's and I am starting to feel my body slow down. My best sexual years are already behind me and they were wasted on a woman who didn't want what I had to offer. I'm becoming a bitter, angry person because what I consider to be one of the most important parts of my identity as a man was stolen from me and thrown in the trash. My peak sexual years are gone. Now, I turn to porn as an outlet. What I really want is the close intimate relationship I was promised in our marriage vows. I want to feel loved and desired. I need a regular frequent sex life to get that. Don't let this go on any longer. Don't be like me and so many others here. Fight for it early and don't settle for less than what you really need. |
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Post by tirefire on Oct 2, 2017 6:11:46 GMT -5
"Now I'm in my 30's and I am starting to feel my body slow down. My best sexual years are already behind me and they were wasted on a woman who didn't want what I had to offer. " h, can I ask if you lift weights? In my case, I waited until my late 40s to start and I didn't realize how it would affect my sex drive, esteem and attitude. If you've never done it, you might be surprised with the results. It won't fix the wife's lack of interest in sex but it might help you move on. I definitely don't feel like I've been slowing down. I've never been this strong, mentally and physically. |
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Post by pheonix25 on Oct 2, 2017 10:22:51 GMT -5
It could be that the porn is the main issue here. Do some research on that. I truly believe that porn can destroy marriages and ruin men for real sex. It bypasses the work of true intimacy and makes men think that women should look or act in ways that most women just don't. It's totally unrealistic. If you can convince your husband that porn is a destructive addiction, you may have a shot. Especially given that you're only 2 months w/o sex. Many of us have gone months or years. Good luck to you! He wont admit to it being a problem, barely even admits to watching it but i know better! I truly have never had a problem with porn and am even willing to watch with him but he isnt into it! |
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